All good?

Update: day 127

As much as I love you all and need you all I have almost no time these days, will probably stay this way for another couple of weeks. (I'm happy to speak on the phone though.) 
Came on to wish our hero r' grant a big mazel tov on his 90

B"h still appreciating the journey to cleanliness. 


Have not been with my wife for 2 weeks as she wasn't well and now have another 12 days at least...
It's fine, @YeshivaGuy and some at hers have paved the way... 

I see some talk about some of the old guys that joined and either did break free or didn't, either did work out what works for them or didn't and then disappearing to either stay clean. 
Personally, I'm not an 'old guy', I don't think I've broken free and certainly am not disappearing but I will excuse myself and say that recently I have a few short hours at night from which to choose between gye or sleep... 

One more thing before I disappear again, my threads are free for all especially if you notice a post which could be a chizzuk, my thread is really just a nice collection which can be used as quick chizzuk 

Had/having quite a hard day

A huge project that I'm working on is delayed for a few days and everything that I was under crazy pressure to have finished already is basically done so now I have some extra time and feeling the stress of this project. Invested loads of time, effort and borrowed money in this and with time on my hands I'm feeling the stress more. 
Whatever. 

You guys are here for me and that keeps me going

P. S. That shiur by Rabbi Kallas in today's chizzuk email is a must listen

Starting, you got this!!!

starting wrote on 06 Dec 2020 11:27:

@starting even you said that falling is not for you... and we cant agree more... 

I fell
Was weird. I was half asleep and really not planning on masturbation when I found my hands in the wrong places. A couple of seconds and it was over. 

The thing is, it hasn't actually registered properly in my brain that I've fallen. I still feel like I'm 150 days clean with a break at 145. Kind of like my cctv in the warehouse. I repositioned one camera last week so in the recording there is a couple of minutes missing. But it still feels like I've had the cameras since I moved in there just there is a drop missing. 

I really wish I would be here more, fresh chizzuk would have probably stopped me from falling but I haven't time or strength after a full day of work and the some. 

My hope is to be here on Wednesdays and Thursdays in the future which should be the quietest days. 

Other than that I'm clean. Monstah truck style. 

Keep it up! We are here for you! 

Hope to see you around (even if you don't have time )

Was a good day

Spoke on the phone. Accountability is preventing slipping. 

Could use more motivation. Back when I was up to my nose in this I knew what I didn't want anymore. 
Now I pretty much know what do want but have forgotten a bit about the cons of lust.

So I have been slipping a bit recently and even fell once last week because I have been away too much recently. 
Need help remembering the bad times and that lust is....

Your a major chizuk to us.
A small reminder to take this one day at a time!
I sometimes forget about this #1 rule but it is the only way.
Your a constant inspiration (especially with all the posts that resonate)!

Start by keeping your mind clean. Bad images and thoughts are going to pop up from time to time, I'm sure thats just a fact of life for most of us. But the bad thought doesnt have to stay there. You can choose if you want to keep chasing it, or if you want to stop. You can't fight your own thoughts but you can choose to stop thinking and, for example, stare at a wall for a few seconds, read a book. Just do something to keep your head clean and you'll keep yourself clean.

We all know that our heads are on top, our hearts are further down, and the part we sin with is lower than that. I believe that if we win the battle in our heads it will stop the urge from going down to our hearts which will stop it from going lower than that (AKA sinning). Just remember: Head, Heart, "sinning part." The higher up your body the fight  is the better it is for you.

Love this but at the same time it's a way of stopping the fall, or of pulling the battle closer to safe ground. 
This helps a lot and the post is a beautiful way of putting it. 
I also need more motivation, reminders as to how much I want to be clean. 

Was a good day. 

Got nice messages. Thanks 

starting wrote on 02 Feb 2021 07:04:

I’ve looked up to u since I first came man, so thank You.
As far as motivation, emotions are tough...

We can start here from scratch again, Why is it that you want to be clean?

starting wrote on 01 Feb 2021 06:33:

Take a moment to read through your "recent post that resonates" thread and really take a moment to let each post sink in. Don't do it all in one shot maybe even one or two posts a day, but try to do it everyday for the next few days/weeks. 

You know what works for you, and you know that you don't want or need the garbage. You just need some chazarah of the obvious. Like the Mesilas Yesharim says in the hakdamah, no chidushim, just a way to keep focus on what you already know.

Chazarah, chazarah, chazarah!

All the best, 
Wilnevergiveup 

Thanks for you replies. 
I'm still overloaded with work. B"h I got almost 4 hours of sleep. 
Will hopefully have time later today or tomorrow to read your comments properly and work on your ideas (?)