optomisim wrote on 22 May 2020 01:22:

I totally agree with both of you. The first person you have to expose yourself to though is yourself.

I live by the "take it day by day" approach and B"H it has been working so far. 

I just wanted to get some real meaningful conversation going.

Hatzlachah looking forward to hearing more good news. 

Holy cow its day 6 and I don't know how to continue.its that bad .chevra how do I not give up it's that bad that  the groin area  and testicles hurt!!!!!!!!!! Help!!!!!! I want to do this. so cool people out there I am on my knees literally asking u to get me out of this freakn haze this poison this feelling!

Oy I know that feeling of rising panic, it is no fun at all.
I know it sounds hard but you have to get your mind off of it. Focus on something else. Oorahthon is live now if that's your cup of tea, tune in and watch for a couple of hours. If there is someone you can take a walk with the fresh air will feel good (I'm personally spooked to take a walk by myself at night  ). Even just getting into the car and taking a drive will get your mind off of it because you'll have to focus on the road.
I know it sounds impossible, I know the feeling - like the world is closing in and the only release is to masturbate but you can get through this! Just tell yourself that you are master over your body and you will not give in!
Hatzlocha Raba, I Daven that Hashem gives you the Koach to overcome this urge. Keep us updated!

Right, as it says in the white book, it's like a guy who slipped off a cliff and grabs onto a branch for dear life, screaming for help, hearing a voice, "Let go!", and after hours of struggle finally lets go and realises the ground was a foot below.

It's hard to let go, but we won't die. It's the Great Promise - that works!

I love that story @singularity, just letting go is sometimes there cure. 

@optomism, try to follow the advice of those that you feel are here to help, and the more you try to figure what we are all saying, will eventually get you to the point where you not only understand, but it's automatic. 

At at the same time though, you are struggling now, and the urge is here now... So you have to know what works for you. Maybe just leave the house for a couple hours, every second you hold back is changing your brain, even just typing up what your feeling and asking for help is one of the biggest changes that can help you along the way. Right now, do what works for you right now. Stay on the horse, remind yourself why your doing this, and remove yourself from a laptop. The only practical thing I can tell you right now is that we can't fight the urge head on, if your in the same house as open internet, it's a maysa Yetzer hara, when your out of that zone... You can at least think for you're,f. 

Keep eps up the good work, enjoy the success that you already have... AND KEEP US POSTED, we're here for you. 

ok so i fell. Halfway. masturbation. shoots. but no porn. yes.

but for me thats huge. for now. sorry to let the chevra down. and myself. and God. hope to be better

optomisim wrote on 24 May 2020 22:22:

Ooriminhu, and for those that don't speak Aramaic... Contradiction. 
Either you see youself as having a success or you don't. It's great to talk about how your proud of yourself, how this is a stepping stone on my long journey... But to live it, that's a whole other level. You say "that's huge" but "you let-- down". LISTEN TO YOURSELF SPEAK. 
Be true to your word AND ACUTALLY BE PROUD OF YOURSELF, DONT JUST TALK ABOUT IT. You just accomplished a goal, a small one maybe in your eyes, but nonethe less even you have to admit something was accomplished. What more can we, your chevra ask of you? What more can Hashem ask of you? And maybe most important, what more can you ask of yourself?
We all have the goal of lasting freedom, but I'm sure it's not the first time you heard... It's a process, o e that consists of many little goals and wins. 

So so brush yourself off, slap a smile on to your face and look in the mirro and say... You won, and you will continue to win, you will have lasting success. 

I I for one think I can speak for most of us on the forum, we're all proud of you, keep it up, keep us posted, add keep succeeding. 

btw username hashem help me is there a way to contact u?

Just scrolled thru your thread and I'm impressed how honest you are with yourself. I can almost guarantee that most of us GYErs have had really similar track records, the key is to keep on going like your doing. 
Just a piece I heard from one of my rebbiem that may help, any feeling you feel before or after u fall, if it'll motivate you to continue fighting and get back up, its the yetzer tov, use and juice it. If it makes u feel despair and u dont wanna fight anymore, thats the yetzer hara speaking. Just forget it. Its not true. (in regard to what you mentioned that you feel like you let ppl down, u can apply the above principle)

you know i have heard and myself have taught many times the concept of celebrating small goals but for my self i never took it seriously . I would think like a parent tells his kid yay you only made in your  pants today 1 time!!!!
but now i am starting to think perhaps that cynical critical way of thinking is my problem in the first place
so i thank you chevra and i am now on day 2 clean and day 8 for porn clean.
yay.

We're here to cheer you on... And to make sure your cheering yourself on too... Keep it up!!

look 13 days  no shmutz wow but then i fell and i need to get back up
with Hashems help will brush off and rock on

great attitude - and it is the truth buddy.