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Diary and thoughts
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Diary and thoughts 5269 Views

Diary and thoughts 21 May 2020 16:15 #350138

Hey, 
So I've been on and off GYE for a year and halfish and have had varying levels of success during my tenure(anywhere bet a week to a month).
What I realized recently was I never actually sat down, read and processed the GYE handbook. So I've decided to commit to a daily reading of the handbook and eventually formulate a plan to making a lasting change.
In this thread I'm going bzh log my daily encounter with the yetzer hara and mention the part I've read of the handbook with my הערות(thoughts) on them. If anyone would like to add their own ideas on the piece, please do so. I'm going to do a faster more cursory read of the book first time(just to get the full picture) and then I'm going to go back a second time and read it slower and implement the tools.
Hopefully, thinking about it, rewriting on the thread, and shmuzing with GYEers will help me internalize it and have a lasting imact.
If anyone has any advice, tips, or tools on how I should go ahead and do this, I'd greatly appreciate it. Feel free to reach out on the thread, PM, or email(boftheg1@gmail.com). I'd also be interested in shmuzing on a daily basis. 
Beshem hashem naaseh venaatzliyach
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 21 May 2020 16:30 #350140

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I haven't really read it because it is a big challenge for me to concentrate on internalising each piece. I enjoy skimming through pages to get the gist of it but I would really appreciate a short summary of each part. Like a lesson a day type of thing but in short paragraphs. I can't concentrate on anything long

If it's not too hard...
Thanks 

Oh and welcome back
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העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
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Re: Diary and thoughts 21 May 2020 18:13 #350141

Bzh it will be something like that, going to try to summarize in my own words. I would love feedback and your thoughts.
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 22 May 2020 03:16 #350182

BH today was a solid day so far, a little nisyonos of shmiras eiynayim in the street but nothing whelming. Generally when starting a new initiative the beginning has a lot of chizuk, which comes with a lot of willpower, so bzh it'll continue. 
The beg of the handbook begins with the intro which helps give you a perspective on how serious the issue is and how the way to overcome it is with chochma and implementing the ideas and tools methodically and to see what works and doesn't(important info, worth the read). Then it goes thru 8 levels of GYE program tools. I'm going to leave which level I think I'm holding at to the second time I read the book bec then I'll know which tools I tried etc(as the intro says). 
Dont want to dwell on the intro and levels during my first read too much, just a Q and a thought. 
Q- I was always curious whether if its harmful to jump to more severe steps/tools? Meaning if someone isn't(or doesn't know if he's) holding at such a deep addiction, is it a bad move to use a tool in level 7 or 8?(for a newbie to do a 8 is prob an overkill, but a guy who has tried overcome and is at a 3,4,5 would it be an overkill, or just to sudden) If anyone has any insights, I'm all ears.
Thought- A point I found important in the intro is the first step to recovery is Acceptance. Accept you have an issue. Its ugly and annoying and you may think to yourself "well if I really really tried then i can beat it, so I'm not that bad" or "all the fancy terms and tools they use are for ppl with real issues, but I don't have any."  Well be straight with yourself. I have an issue that needs working on. That doesn't make me weird or some freak with a problem, it makes me human. It means I have to use the tools that they are talking about bec they are talking to ME. If someone doesn't realize this, then he's looking at this site and its tools as an outsider. He'll think that GYE and its tools are for other people and it's just interesting read.
This wraps up day 1, bzh to many more clean ones
Any and all thoughts are welcome;)
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 22 May 2020 22:03 #350225

BH today was a good uneventful day. Temptations flared up a little but put out very quickly. So another day in the books.
Too late to do a piece from the guidebook but just a thought lekovid shabbos.
We say everyday in davening "veivdelanu min hatoyim"-  "He separated us from the ones that are mistaken" תועים- means mistaken/wayward. Were not talking about a small mistake or in one small cheshbon. It refers to a whole hashkafa. The world views the inyanim we battle, as one of their goals in life. The GYE oilam knows the truth. Although we may be struggling with it and we may fall more than we like to, were not תועים, we know whats what.
Baruch Hashem that he separated us from them. 
Good Shabbos!
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 24 May 2020 04:09 #350242

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In response to your question

Yes, probably if a nice frum guy who has masturbated maybe 3 or 4 times in his life, if he goes to an SA meeting or something, it would probably do way more harm than good. The best way to gauge your level is just, to be honest. Turn the dial. Is it 3 or 4 times a year, a month, a week, a day? Can you feel the severity rising there? Nobody else can set it for you though, you gotta tell US!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Diary and thoughts 24 May 2020 04:20 #350247

I would say sometimes often, but sometimes not, so its hard to gauge exactly where. Ive tried stopping before, but without really a plan, so my goal now is to formulate one and work thru the steps and see where im holding at. Bh I'm still relatively young(and single) so hopefully I can take care of it soon. 
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 24 May 2020 04:45 #350249

Bh shabbos went well, so far have been able to be mischazeik and hold off any crude thoughts, although at times I can feel the lust pop up in my mind; I'm able to shut it down quickly but it's scary how strong it can be. 
The first tool in the guidebook is to decide to stop today. The idea of the tool sounds to me that in order to get clean and work on yourself, you need to be in the right headspace. You cant begin working on yourself or inculcating any messages or tools while your mind is still getting pulled by lust. We don't realize the subconscious effect that it has on us, so to firmly resolve to make a change wont work while we're still under the spell. 
Therefore we need to resolve to stop for today. Looking back to the past and feeling weakened, is the Yetzer hara speaking. Leave that behind.
The future is a major wild card, and you have no control over that(at least one thing we should learn from corona;) ). 
I would add a bit and say to stop for a couple days. When you go clean for 2-3 days, u get some clarity and your ready to battle on.
Couple all time famous quotes in this tool:
1) "if you feed it, it gets hungry, if you starve it, its satiated" 
2)"Just once is too much, and a thousand times is never enough"
Just to finish off with a Q
Q- When they say "take it one day at a time" are they referring to something like this or a bit diff( my feeling is that its something diff so if someone can explain that'll be great)
Love to hear from the oilam
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 24 May 2020 12:37 #350264

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I learned from Dov, the awesome super sober guy, one day at a time is b'kitzur, I can't stay clean from yesterday's shower, there IS only today. Not that I can hold on for today, then tomorrow, then the next day and poof 10000 days, no it's that the reality is all I have is today.
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Diary and thoughts 24 May 2020 14:40 #350267

Singularity wrote on 24 May 2020 12:37:
I learned from Dov, the awesome super sober guy, one day at a time is b'kitzur, I can't stay clean from yesterday's shower, there IS only today. Not that I can hold on for today, then tomorrow, then the next day and poof 10000 days, no it's that the reality is all I have is today.

The legend Dov(I'm curious if in the song "mamesh changed my life" the dov ber it mentions is the same dov lol).
I hear, that each day u have to worry about winning today. Thats it. 
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 25 May 2020 01:21 #350295

BH day 4 so far has been a solid day, been able to stay strong, except for a couple of seconds my brain was like "come on, you know how good it feels" but I snapped out real quick. So hopefully I'll finish the day strong
The 2nd tool in the guidebook is about proper attitude and perspective. It talks about how crucial it is to have a proper A & P about this matter as this can be the corner-stone of fighting. It basically sounds like in order to fight a battle you have to know what you'r fighting and what you'r fighting for. Kinda of if your gonna go to tell a solder to fight without a reason its gonna really hard; but if u know what ur trying to achieve and why, it changes the whole game.
Interesting that all the A&Ps (whole long section) are in the back of the book after the tools. Should I skip there before I read the rest of the tools?
Either way the 3rd tool is to guard your eyes. "We can't lust for that which we don't see" The easiest win is the one we don't have to fight. You can't be beat at a battle you don't fight.(lol how these sound the total opposite of motivation quotes)  
In order to start healing we need to be have our eyes on the prize(hehe) which means to avoid triggers as much as possible. This obviously begins with filters. GET A FILTER. No questions asked. Period. You don't stand a chance without one. The level of your filter is also a big deal. Gotta be honest with yourself which sites you need and which you don't(and why you NEED them..... is it coming from your yetzer?) 
At the end of the day with all the filters in the world, when theres a will theres a way- that goes both ways. So the filter is just another geder in place in order to boost us and remember what we are fighting so hard for. 
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 25 May 2020 01:25 #350296

Does anyone have any ideas how to get your siblings to put filters on devices that are theirs(without sounding too suspicious) bec it is their device so your kinda asking them to put something on their device that might slow them down. Or if anyone has any other way to limit my access to them that would also work.
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.
Last Edit: 25 May 2020 01:26 by battle-of-the-gen.

Re: Diary and thoughts 25 May 2020 04:43 #350314

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Reading through a bit of your forum, I love the handbook summaries, by the way you restate it in your own words really shows that you understand it. I also respect how truthful you are, these questions and insights, when your real with yourself, that's the best place of recovery. 

Regarding the the other devices, that's something I think we can all relate. Now that corona has been haunting us, I've been stuck in a house with too many devices with open access to even count them, open internet is everywhere I look.... Something that I have found helpful, and maybe once you get to the taphsic neder method, you can add in a clause that you cannot use your your siblings or any other devices besides those designated, and if you do that's a fall. It's more of an internal filter so doesn't solve the whole problem, but then again does a filter even solve the whole problem. Keep setting youself up for success, but also make sure along the way there is some hisbodedus and some internal thinking about the way you change and will continue to change as a person throughout your life. This battle can teach us so much... It would be a shame to come out the same person... Rather we come out better for it. 
Regarding the other devices though, I hope others have a good eitza, I haven't found one yet. 

Please do do us a favor and keep posting, and keep up the good work. 
"Sometimes the only Bechira we have is to ask for help"

Maybe you can gain something by following my journey... Or not, whatever works
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Re: Diary and thoughts 25 May 2020 14:04 #350335

yosef10 wrote on 25 May 2020 04:43:
Reading through a bit of your forum, I love the handbook summaries, by the way you restate it in your own words really shows that you understand it. I also respect how truthful you are, these questions and insights, when your real with yourself, that's the best place of recovery. 

Regarding the the other devices, that's something I think we can all relate. Now that corona has been haunting us, I've been stuck in a house with too many devices with open access to even count them, open internet is everywhere I look.... Something that I have found helpful, and maybe once you get to the taphsic neder method, you can add in a clause that you cannot use your your siblings or any other devices besides those designated, and if you do that's a fall. It's more of an internal filter so doesn't solve the whole problem, but then again does a filter even solve the whole problem. Keep setting youself up for success, but also make sure along the way there is some hisbodedus and some internal thinking about the way you change and will continue to change as a person throughout your life. This battle can teach us so much... It would be a shame to come out the same person... Rather we come out better for it. 
Regarding the other devices though, I hope others have a good eitza, I haven't found one yet. 

Please do do us a favor and keep posting, and keep up the good work. 

bh the thread has been good, bzh gonna try to keep it up

In regard to the other devices, Ill keep your point in mind when I get to the taphsic neder, but until then its something thats gonna need some chochma. Hopefully someone can enlighten us.
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.
Last Edit: 25 May 2020 14:04 by battle-of-the-gen. Reason: spelling

Re: Diary and thoughts 25 May 2020 23:51 #350369

BH day 5 has been a smooth sail so far. Tefilos are helping, and I'm locked into a solid mindset for now.



We left off in middle of the 3rd tool- guard your eyes. 1st part was filters. 2nd part is to guard your eyes outside. Basically be aware of places you plan on going/need to go to. Any and everywhere there can be triggers. So be mentally prepared to either avoid or spend less time in places which are highly triggerful. Take glasses off if you have them.

Movies... these ppl get paid millions of dollars to be presented on a screen. And presenting they do. They obv have an allure to them. As ppl who are struggling we have to be extra careful cause this is a pashet trigger(its well disguised as an entertaining movie, but let's call a spade a spade). It's hard to stop all movies and shows, but... at what cost. At least at least if you really want to watch, make sure it clean(IMDB has by every movie something called "parents guide" which goes thru the non clean scenes in a movie. At least if you're going to watch the movie check that out before. Disclaimer: Reading that parents guide itself can be triggering so use it as a last resort if you have to watch(prob better to read it, then see it) and be ready for whats coming).

Guarding your eyes is the foundation of every tool. Without it, the building is going to fall. Not doing so is feeding the lust(and the more you feed it, the hungrier it gets). GYE is also something that is relevant no matter what stage your holding at. Whether a beginner, at the final stages, or anywhere in between its something thats ALWAYS going to be around and always gonna be a challenge. We gotta constantly be aware. So even if you dropped some of your other nasty habits, this will always be a struggle and potentially leave you vulnerable to falling back.

Theres a reason the sites called Guard Your Eyes.

Hatzlacha,

Would love to hear from everyone


 
"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.
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