I just wish that my actions were in stride with my mind.

I wish I didn't do the things, that I truly deep down don't want to do.

Thank you for articulating this because I was feeling that way too and like I was specially  bad in that. None of us are the only ones who are not machines programmed by our learning since Hashem didn't make us this way.

But let's do things right from now and it'll feel great to get some victories behind us

You guys are amazing, it's really the support we build that the soton can never take away from us. When we have people to rely on, and we do rely on them.... We're always in a better position. 

NachalNovea wrote:


Hashem is showing you the truth that we are indeed powerless... And yes, the only thing that we can do is daven. Once we realize this,we're on a good path to recovery. Hashem should be with you and all of us to do his will and stay clear. 

Rosh Chodesh Baby!!!!
I know I know, not such a happy month, but I just went double digits in my clean streak so I'm dancing.

A few really huge updates:

1. Got my phone & laptop filtered through tag. HOLY COW. It works. I almost fell a few times, but BOOOM! Got blocked & went to bed dry as can be. (obviously woke up in the AM and did a little victory dance)
2. Got even busier with work (did not think that was even possible), I think that it helps me not be bored. i.e. always something to do.
3. Connected with the above, for those that don't know, I'm single & young, so hormones are crazy as it is. I have an insatiable thirst for adrenaline and excitement as it is, so this whole covid situation is really hard for me.
4. Most important point: HASHEM GAVE ME THIS TEST BECUASE HE KNOWS I CAN DO IT (I have to start believing that as well 24/7)
5. Anyone have any advice/tips while dating/shidduchim + fighting the new drug?

Done my rant

Anyways, you chevra have done so much you don't even know!!
For those of you (speaking to myself as well) who are still fighting, take small victories. 1 day, heck even a few hours, then move to 1 week, and up from there.

Great post and greater attitude. How are you doing?

As a single - my advice is to keep your filter!

Having a good filter has saved my life. Also make sure you have a serious learning seder that you are unwavering on. These two things will have a tremendous impact on dating and getting married! Trust me.... 

Have not updated in a while (there is a positive correlation between my posting & my falls, so it's a good thing for me)

@RealEstateMogul, I can't even begin to tell you how right you are.

Filters + Learning deserve all the credit for my streak (38) and am so glad so many of our holy chevra of mevakshei hashem pushed me to get them installed.

I have been dating the best girl I've ever when out with for 3 weeks now & very different than any other girl.
She's such a tzadeikkes and at times I feel like I really don't deserve her.
If anyone has any advice how to conquer that mindset, please don't hesitate!

Now I do still want to get close to her, in a physical but loving and caring way. (which is good, and crucial when dating - I think). And honestly, in my previous stages in life there was more aggression involved.
So I have been sneaking through filters to look at people talking (just forums/ blogs) about married life & what it entails..
Have not looked this past week, but was reading some stuff last week. It's really not good and am trying to stop.

We have made it so far and it's really something special, the zechus this holy chevra will have after 120 (and bezh in this world too) is unparalleled in my humble opinion.

The gemara talks about people who create a divide between jews and/or between jews & hashem, the punishments are really strict!

We can see from there that people that are the opposite of a "divider", true tzadikim who create and empower a kesher between jews to one another & especially between jews & hashem, are rewarded and regarded in extremely high regard.

Signing off for a while

1) Fortunately for me and you and many people, Hashem doesn't do shidduchim based on what people deserve. (Sotah 2a, Moed Katan 18b, and many other places.)
2) Hashem just wants you to try to find the one that will be right that you will build a good family with. So if that's a good enough goal for Him, it's a good enough attitude for you to take as you move forward.

That worked for me. I hope it works for you too. I'm curious to hear others' thoughts.

Hey Nachal Novea!

Thinking of you and hope all is well!!!

Hi Chevra, 

A few days ago I past 90 days & it’s only right that I share a little bit of what’s going on deep down inside with you. I am a nobody, a trying to be pashut yid, but I can promise you that the chevra here has a very special place in - VIP Suites in olam haba. One thing R’ Weinberger (who I will talk about more a little more below), has said multiple times - is that he respects the people struggling the most. Struggling with anything. Especially our battle. In a more macro (big-picture) way, our struggle is the struggle of every yid going back thousands of years. 
A very evil force, can be physical, internal, spiritual, or a combination of more than 1 - is fighting, seemingly unrelentlessly & trying to KILL us! More than to kill us, they want us to give up! To stop fighting, to say I GIVE UP!

But we know, a yid never ever gives up. Even when we have no options, and we are thinking IT JUST CAN’T GET WORSE - we look up, maybe after a few (or more than a few) tears, and bring up that part of us deep down that is a cheilek elokah mi’ma’al. (the 100% pure part of us that can never be touched)

I don’t like talking about myself so much, however other people’s stories about themselves on here have given me so much and I hope to try to do the same. 

I have been struggling since high school, (5-6 years ago) and ever since it’s been real bad. I have a ton of energy and sometimes I’m not in a position to release it in a healthy way. I have done some crazy (horrible) things to decompress. 
Moving to the more positive aspects, I just past 90 days clean, which is the most I have done ever. A few things were so important, 
1. A filter on all devices - i have on phone & laptop
2. RABBI WEINBERGER - he has no idea who I am but he saved my life. I promise you.
3. This one does not apply to everyone but there was a positive correlation when I was dating and my streaks. (you can see from last posts) I want to build a bayis ne’eman b’yisral (bezh going to be engaged in 48 hours) and my battles have no place there. (I much rather fighting with kids about bet time )

- If you want specific shiurim from Rebbi, you can message me here or look on YU Torah / TorahAnytime.
- For Filters - genTech & techLoq are the best.

You have a real skill with words! I am so inspired by your story(and im a huge cynic)! god bless you!! MT!!!!!!!!

Mazel Tov NN! Great news. You should merit to build a בית נאמן בישראל! Keep up the fight and keep inspiring the rest of us.

Captain wrote on 19 Aug 2020 22:03:

Thanks for sharing this perspective and those Gemaras, it was helpful to me . 

Mazeltov on your upcoming engagement! Very exciting news, may you be zoche beH to build a bayis neeman beyisrael!
I'm going to start listening to Rabbi Weinbergers chabura on yosef hatzadik, do you have any other suggestions?

Mazal Tov!!!