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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: First post 249 Views

First post 18 Aug 2019 16:51 #342901

  • ben sorer
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Hi everyone,
I'm a long time lurker and this is my first post! I created this account in 2015 when I was single. Much has changed in the past four years. Throughout my teenage years acting out was a constant struggle. When I was in high school, a friend of mine convinced me to go to a local electronic store and buy a smartphone so we could watch movies. That's when things really started getting out of control. I started watching porn on a daily basis and I couldn't stop. I felt powerless. I felt like a terrible person. I thought I must be the most disgusting human being that ever lived. Then I found GYE. Stop, don't roll your eyes just yet , I didn't magically cease to struggle when I ventured onto GYE. Instead I saw a glimmer of hope. There are others out there! Ehrliche yidden, yirei shamayim, who are struggling too. This gave me tremendous Chizzuk. over the next two years I had some victories and relapses. In 2017 I got engaged. At that point I had not had a smartphone and was clean for a while. I was ecstatic. I thought that getting married would be the final nail in the coffin for my ugly habits. Bh over the course of my 4 month plus engagement I was completely clean. For me that was the longest period I have ever been clean for. Shortly after I got married I started using my wife's laptop to look for inappropriate material. Luckily she had a good filter installed. Then I got a smartphone. I was smart enough to get a good filter, but every filter has it's weaknesses. It wasn't long before I found some loopholes and i started acting out again. This went on for the past two years. About a month ago, I decided that enough is enough. I called up TAG and asked them to help me close the loopholes. I have not acted out since. I hope to reach 90 days and never act out again. Yes that's my goal. I'm reaching for the stars and I am determined to get there. Thanks for listening y'all I know that was quite lengthy. Thank you so much to all you brave GYE members who are Mechazek all of us who are struggling

Re: First post 19 Aug 2019 07:39 #342912

  • David26fr
  • Current streak: 62 days
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Thank you for your sharing ! 

Just a question : did you identify anothers triggers to falls, except having access to porn ?

Continue to post about your journey, and keep us in touch

Re: First post 19 Aug 2019 21:03 #342938

  • ColinColin
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When an urge comes, break down things into 5 minute blocks. Say to yourself, I will do an activity for the next 5 minutes to take my mind off the urge. But the key is to see the urge for what it is, an urge...external to you. But triggered by your genuine emotions. So long term you need to live a life that nourishes you in a healthy way. That is about fulfilment from positive activities and a realistic approach. But when the urge strikes, you do need a tactical plan. Try walking, reading, calling a friend etc. Or mindfulness. www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201601/mindfulness-in-the-treatment-self-destructive-behavior

Re: First post 20 Aug 2019 03:33 #342947

  • ben sorer
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Re: First post 20 Aug 2019 22:51 #342990

  • Markz
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ben sorer wrote on 20 Aug 2019 03:33:

Something is hidden for guests. Please log in or register to see it.

I don’t mean to disappoint you, but Youre here with a fun loving but totally hidden bunch of guys, with anonymity the undisputed bylaw where many won’t even share their clean-count, so I’m not sure what there is to gain from hiding something on the hidden crew blogspot right here...
Please come out the closet and explain...
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