Hi everyone,
I'm a long time lurker and this is my first post! I created this account in 2015 when I was single. Much has changed in the past four years. Throughout my teenage years acting out was a constant struggle. When I was in high school, a friend of mine convinced me to go to a local electronic store and buy a smartphone so we could watch movies. That's when things really started getting out of control. I started watching porn on a daily basis and I couldn't stop. I felt powerless. I felt like a terrible person. I thought I must be the most disgusting human being that ever lived. Then I found GYE. Stop, don't roll your eyes just yet , I didn't magically cease to struggle when I ventured onto GYE. Instead I saw a glimmer of hope. There are others out there! Ehrliche yidden, yirei shamayim, who are struggling too. This gave me tremendous Chizzuk. over the next two years I had some victories and relapses. In 2017 I got engaged. At that point I had not had a smartphone and was clean for a while. I was ecstatic. I thought that getting married would be the final nail in the coffin for my ugly habits. Bh over the course of my 4 month plus engagement I was completely clean. For me that was the longest period I have ever been clean for. Shortly after I got married I started using my wife's laptop to look for inappropriate material. Luckily she had a good filter installed. Then I got a smartphone. I was smart enough to get a good filter, but every filter has it's weaknesses. It wasn't long before I found some loopholes and i started acting out again. This went on for the past two years. About a month ago, I decided that enough is enough. I called up TAG and asked them to help me close the loopholes. I have not acted out since. I hope to reach 90 days and never act out again. Yes that's my goal. I'm reaching for the stars and I am determined to get there. Thanks for listening y'all I know that was quite lengthy. Thank you so much to all you brave GYE members who are Mechazek all of us who are struggling
