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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Renewal 565 Views

Renewal 08 Nov 2018 23:21 #337103

  • kavod
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Every cycle is an opportunity of renewal.
We begin a new jewish month.

I could talk about my addiction, and countless efforts to quit. But I will say that this forums always keep me very clean.

Having people that listens is very important. This fight can not be done alone.
Anybody wanted to quit, has to rely on people.
Since this is a sensitive issue, this forums always help me to be clean.

Yes, there may be comments that triggers us, but hey, we are all struggling. 
In this fight we are all united. And like a minian, when we do it all together, the power is not an addition, it is an exponentiation.

The whole is way bigger than the sum of its parts.

Let's all somehow, somewhere, with the help of Hashem, merit to do all we have to do in this world.

Re: Renewal 25 Nov 2018 20:08 #337486

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I had a fall.
What happened?
These 10 days aprox. I decided to go protected.
Pray with kavanot, no tv, no music, not looking to women and torah. Deep torah study.

It is interesting, because it is true, I was not tempted almost. Since nothing came throw my eyes. Ah, and no pictures on internet. Blocked. Only when I need something in a site, I say, put on the pictures on this site.
Of course, when looking for them, I can do the same with wrong sites, but the point is not to get tempted. Any mild nudity in a news site is strength for yatzer hara. No pictures. That's it. It is incredible the amount of provocative pictures we see everyday! Provocative yes, for a soap ad also. Everything is sensual on the pictures. No woman will appear fully dressed and not trying to look attractive. Crazy world we live in.

Anyway, that part was covered. But what happened?
I do not understand, why life changing things come on this moments?
So yes, news here and there that affect directly my immediate future. I could not sleep. I was hurting. And well, I resorted to the scape. And I know I did not needed it for the sensuality. I was not tempted for that really. I just simply wanted to fix all was happening to me.

So now I know I am in the phase where temptation is covered somehow protecting eyes and ears of lewd content. (Which is all mostly).
Pray and torah are the tools. And acting as holy as I can.
But I have to learn how to cope with social issues. So many years of falling has made me not have skills for difficult situations.
Once I read from videos, that the brain on addicted people has a very small part dedicated for dealing with punish and rewards compared to healthy people, which is bigger.
That is, we do not know how to deal with life. At the smallest problem, we resort to the same mechanism, that it turns out needs very little part of the brain, since it is fundamentally as simple as it gets.
We resort to drugs. Better said, addictions, scape... And we all know, that in the long run, they are just worst.

May be the day that we grow that part, and learn rewards and coping with life with the marvellous world and marvellous instructions of the Torah that teaches us how to cope with it.
And we can only grow it, by passing through the storm of these moments.
Now I wonder. I learned how to avoid being tempted, and now may be only used as an scape of a "depression" or stressing moments. Can I learn how not to be depressed? Maybe I can avoid those phases too?. I read that one has to learn to cope with it in a healthy way they say. Ok. So at least I can make a plan how to do it. I maybe able to trigger a set of things. Sleep, go walking. I don't know. An icecream?
And I think it will start with a simple technique. Just sleep. Take a tila and sleep. That is all I needed. I just did not made it. But I can make it next time.
Last Edit: 25 Nov 2018 20:48 by kavod.

Re: Renewal 26 Nov 2018 15:57 #337509

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I once did 100 day clean two years ago.
I noticed these 10 days that the same techniques I used to last 100, are useful now, and may become just the new me.

What are the techniques?
Just be kadosh.
What do I mean?
Mean simply your eyes accept no entry of women images but normal social interactions. Ovadia used to not look at any improperly dressed woman even if she were talking to him. Looked like he was taking notes while he was drawing for his kids jejej..
No internet, no street, no movies, non nothing.
No music (unless it is holy).
Yes. Or kadosh or rasha. There is no middle ground.
Maybe for another person. But it seems that I am not in that category because of my deep addiction.
Now. Even without tv, no pictures on internet, no music (unless holy), no magazines, street simply no looking at all whatsoever. Depart from places and unholy backgrounds. And yes, I am living in a place filled with tuma, not in a frum community, and cannot change it now. Not missing prayers, pray with kavanot, Torah minimum 2 hours deep study...

You live holy and protect eyes and ears 100% and keep prayers (better with kavanot) and deep hard for you Torah study minimum 2 hours daily all focused and my experience is that you just do not have temptations. They simply do not pop up in your mind. They are not part of you.

Now. From time to time you may see or hear something, and tempt you a little bit. You just let it pass, but the fight is nowhere compared with being exposed to media or women in the streets.

Now. All healing has different phases. And I think now I am in the phase of healing my social skills. Basically I am in the process of maturing.
I think I never matured because I always escaped.

And that's it. How to deal with social issues? Torah. I guess Torah. Asking myself, what is the right thing to do, or thing, or say right now?
That's it. Objectively it is easy. I feel like... bla bla bla. The right thing is such.
So that's it. It is sure enough?
How did the patriarchs dealt with hard situations they had?
Well, they did. One thing is true. This life is for growth, it is not for comfort.
The moment we stop growing, get get thrown to a new test, and a new test.
Because if you think it through, these mere 120 years in this world, determine (well, maybe with its reincarnations too... but also limited), an eternity. Mindblowing. Imagine one second of suffering and work in your life, would suffice for all the bliss in the rest of it. And if you never died, but that second determines for good or for bad the rest of your life?
So that's it. These 120 years is that second in comparison.
We better give it all. Better said than done, but still reality nonetheless.
Last Edit: 26 Nov 2018 15:58 by kavod.

Re: Renewal 26 Nov 2018 16:15 #337510

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If you are looking for socialism - Karl is the man

If you are looking for socializing thru Torah, that works if you go all the way and get up from behind the screen, and actually socialize. Maybe this is why they say גדול שמושה in real life, יותר מלמודה...
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Re: Renewal 06 Dec 2018 15:21 #337726

  • kavod
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For me, there are two stages. Stage 1, behave healthy and Torah like in the action arena.
That is, cleanness in my eyes, ears, avoid input of non kosher things, included TV, music, and the slightless images from the internet, even adds or youtube.
Street just to not stare etc.
Pray, study Torah.
When I fall, I get up again and more or less B'H' I can regain these aspects of the action, of the nefesh.

Now, once I stay clean for a while, here comes the next level for myself.
The emotions and the thinking.
The Torah says to serve Hashem with thought, speach/feelings, and action.

So I just may be lacking greatly in the upper two.
I read an article published this week in for those lacking emotional skills.
Wow. How revealing.
I share it for those who may also get insights from it.
Eight habits of emotionally healthy people. by  Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

I really need to perfect this if I ever want to stop using this addiction as an scape.
And the first little, but significant for me, is share my struggles in this forum.
Januka Sameaj

Once I wondered if darkness may be simply the absence of light...
Markz motto made me think about it.
Last Edit: 06 Dec 2018 15:27 by kavod.

Re: Renewal 15 Dec 2018 19:07 #337822

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I commit myself to write pretty often on the updates of my journey.
Today is day 2 since I am clean.
I will keep you updated.
B'H' today I stayed clean.

I want to share bits of wisdom I learned from Metzillat Yesharim of Ramchal.

Note of caution. I am just two days clean myself, so you are free to ignore my posts.

Hashem, blessed be His name, created this world or creation in general with all spiritual realms to bestow endless amount of good to us, which is in essence His presence. (Yes, good accompanied with endless pleasure).

The reason we exist in this world, is to serve Him. This earthly life is to sustain tests and do all the mitzvot in the best of our abilities.

Knowledgeable people know that anything less of perfection on their potential, is evil. And see other perfected, and aim at it.

First step is to be watchful. That is, evaluate if we are walking in good paths or evil paths.
Three ways are given to do this.
One more general is Torah. It is a must to.
" An ignoramus cannot be a saint . " This is true because the very Creator , Blessed be His name , who invested man with an evil inclination , created the Torah as an antidote to it ( Kiddushin 30b ) ."

Second more particular to everybody is evaluate actions if they are right or wrong. Good or evil, and depart from them.
I guess here it is even way before we are deep immersed.

Third is set times to evaluate the path we are taking. What elements of good are in there, what elements of evil. How can we stay in good, and discard the evil parts. Are we in the right path?

Then there is the element zeal.
Do we act fast to perform mitzvot?
Do we finish the mitzvot with zeal?
If not, just practice and enforce those attributes.

And a caution it is made with laziness. Laziness has the ability to make us poor and lead as to sin little by little. Is like a disease. It even can make us think we are so clever and knowledgable, because it just is justifying all the laziness.

In "Taking action", Rabbi Pinchas says positive attitude and just practicing moments of zeal, makes us stronger and more used to it.

Well. So Shavua Tov.

` Torah leads to Watchfulness ;
Watchfulness leads to Zeal ;
Zeal leads to Cleanliness ;
Cleanliness leads to Separation ;
Separation leads to Purity ;
Purity leads to Saintliness ;
Saintliness leads to Humility ;
Humility leads to Fear of Sin ;
Fear of Sin leads to Holiness ;
Holiness leads to the Holy Spirit ,
and the Holy Spirit leads to the Revival of the Dead . "

Luzzatto, Moshe Chaim. The Path of the Just
Last Edit: 15 Dec 2018 20:53 by kavod.

Re: Renewal 16 Dec 2018 00:49 #337837

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3 days clean B'H'

Re: Renewal 16 Dec 2018 03:23 #337840

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Welcome. Keep up the good work!
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Re: Renewal 17 Dec 2018 00:40 #337867

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4 days B'H'

Re: Renewal 18 Dec 2018 01:57 #337898

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5 days clean B'H'
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