Hi,
I'm new here. Just started the 90 day challenge and am holding at 17 days. I've been fighting with acting out and porn since I was about 15. Now I'm 22. Over the years I've had long ups and long downs. Never had any good filters in my house (when I was 15 that wasn't even a thing!) so my teenage years were pretty bad. My yeshiva years were better with long periods of time clean, but during bein hazmanim back at home I would often fall again. Now I'm in college and living at home and struggling. I've been in shiduchim now for about a year and a half.
Now's the first time I've finally made a conscious effort to fight it. I've always kind of felt subconsciously that since it was a seemingly opportunistic problem and I'm still single it doesn't really matter. Surely once I'm married the problem will go away.
I wonder what you guys think of that? To tell the truth I still kindof feel that way, that it won't be the end of the world if I fall, I'm just a single guy after all...

mendyf wrote on 07 Dec 2017 20:15:

Hi brother - welcome!

and pray tell me - why is it so bad if someone is married

Welcome!

I'm definitely not going to be the last one to tell you that marriage doesn't solve this problem and may even make it worse.

Welcome. There are quite a few bochurim (that I know of; there may be many more) that are clean for very extended periods of time. It can be done. Regarding marriage it is very interesting. Some (usually those who had a masturbation issue without porn) do find marriage makes the nisayon lessen. However, many find that marriage complicates the issue very much and that they find themselves acting out more than before marriage, Secondly since their picture of marital relations is based on what they saw on the computer screen, they start off marriage in an extremely unhealthy way. In reality, intimacy and sex in real life have no similarity to the staged images of loveless animalistic pornography.  Stay here at GYE. You will iyh learn a lot and be a great husband iyh when the right time comes.

I don't think your question is how bad it is or whether it is the end of the world.

i think you want to know if the fact that you cannot control it now, is an indicator that after you are married you will also have trouble controlling it. 

I think the standard answer is that every stage has it's challenges, and when you get married you are also challenged in many different ways, and the bottom line is, you have to learn how to control lust at any stage, regardless of how compromised you feel, or how much power you think you will have tomorrow, because the dark side will also have a lot of power, so get the self-control muscles in good shape.

7 years of watching porn can't be erased in one night. Marriage will not help! It is very difficult to develop a marriage relationship after what your eyes have seen. Better try to get past this before you get married.
Also don't forget that single guys should also be obeying the Torah.. (Mendy sounds like a Jewish name )

7 years of watching porn can't be erased with 7 years of marriage neither
for that matter i don't think 80 years will erase it either

First off, welcome. I myself have been on and off this site alot and can't tell you how important it is to post and stay active. It keeps you thinking and working on yourself, so even if you fall, keep coming here, it helps incredible, don't give up the fight. Secondly,. Your story very much resonates with me, now im married and even have a kid and though I struggle deeply with this problem I am making progress and getting better though I can't tell you how much easier my situation may have been here I started fighting this battle sooner. The fact that to came here when you do speaks alot about you. I'll be checking your posts and rooting for you, feel free to message me as well. Keep on fighting, and know we all support each other here.