BS"D


A Gmar Chasimah Toivah zu ganz Klal Yisroel,
Those who profess that it is just the breaking of a bad habit to stop viewing porn, I think are wrong. It is a compulsive behaviour which I even have difficulties controlling during the aseres Yemei Teshuva. Standing in Kedusha and Betaharah on Rosh Hashanoh in shul, screaming out Hashem Melech, Hashem Moloch etc... Swearing to myself that now I will turn another leaf and keep away from accursed machine which shows me all the bad thing that I want to see. I see that all these thoughts of Teshuva are almost vain. Just stopping myself in a nick of time from going to look at things which I don't want to mention, just because we are in the middle of the aseres Yemei teshuvah.
In so many ways I see what causes my problem, but I am not able to treat it. People are by nature inquisitive wantin to find out the latest and newest bout everything. The answer is of course Torah Tavlin. But I find that I am so lazy and I don't know anymore how to enjoy life or learning altogether.
So what do I do? I grab the computer once more and start browsing the less treife area of the internet. But very soon I reach a tricker and then nothing is there to stop me anymore. I wander if somebody would stand behind me and shout "fire!!" if that would help any. "Nure Bay Amram! Nure Bay Amram!)
I hear you thinking that I shouldn't get into the "not-so-treife" areas in the first place. I feel like dead if I would get away from the internet. I guess that is the hope of those who want to merit the keser Torah (Odom ki Yomous beOihel). I think somehow that I am missing out on something when I don't take the liberties which I took in the past.
Anyways, for the moment the forum saved me. I guess I just need a listening eye/ear sometimes.

Kol Tuv

Welcome. Lot of truth in what you wrote but there are eitzos

A Gut Yohr,


Boruch Hashem Yisborach I pulled through a tremendously hard time in which every minute seemed like an eternity. Of course it is no way near sobriety, but it could be called a start. The main thing for heavy addicts like me is to change the way I view this problem. Of course I hear you already screaming at me that this all doesn't work. But at least we would have to make a start in the attitute we exhibit to the problem which we indulge in.
If I am going to tell myself that basically everything i okay, when it is not I have an even bigger problem. I guess this twelve-step rait first class. But I guess evrybody with similar problems would have to accept the facts on the ground. (don't confuse me with the facts.)
I have a very serious problem which I would have to deal with. Especially so close to yom kippur I guess I would have to be misbonain in the fact that naase keheter doesn't make it mamish beheter. Well that is a change in attitude if we can live up to it. I start regarding it as a very serious aveira. Of course it shouldn't drive me into the ground and make me feel like a gornisht. That will be again counter-productive. Anything that is counter-productive is assur. Then certainly being moitze zera levatala r"l is going to be a big one. Because beraitn myself that even so close to Yom kippur I fall or fell though is going to make me only depressed. I believ self-improvement and certainly in this area will only be able to come with mouse stepts. One would have to open the hole like a needle, but the hole would have to be at least through and through. Please daven for me that the hole however small is at least going to be a hole which will remain that way.
A gmar c

In actuality you are very choshuv in shomayim. You have a terrible nisayon/addiction/disease and are clean for 8 days. Each one of those days is hours and hours of mesiras nefesh/surrendering. You are coming to Yom Kippur as a tzaddik. See Minchas Chinuch parshas Naso mitzvas vidui page tes zayin who insists that tzaddik and rasha have no connection with need for tshuva and kapara for past actions.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 28 Sep 2017 02:45:

HHM I like you bro

For someone that's admitted to being stuck in compulsive behavior at top of this page (since 2014 on gye?) I believe Chizuk like this isn't appropriate for him and can be detrimental for others

In general I keep away from giving Chizuk on the forum (although I have lots up my sleeve), for the simple reason that you are writing not only to the poster but for many including newcomers
If id see this when joining gye I'd think "Oh cool so gye has nothing new to offer. Oh well I'll keep masturbating and tikkun klalying and mikvaing..."

Chizuk is good and has its place - see the handbook, but most visitors to the forum in my experience have graduated chizuk. Many know more Chizuk than you, yet can't pass 1 day sober 

Why not share your recovery steps with this Shma brother, I believe that is what can get him the help he seeks, as you share often with others too ;-)

Love you bro 
Ⓜ️

Gut Moed Chevreh,

Doubting if anybody will be online in this hallowed period, not withstanding the tests of time and seeing how we should IY”H all improve and reach a level of azivas HaChayt in the days which went and are coming. A hard struggle it is to somebody who can't get over the fact that he is a hardened addict who went several times out of bounds to get a fix. At least I dare now to say that I know that I have a serious problem. B”H I finally mustered enough courage to ask my wife shetichyeh to change the password of the computer (of which I know the password of the filter so that computer I can not use anymore. Hence my recent recordbreaking period of staying away.

Yes! I was climbing the wall several times, but at least I was able to stay clear in the meantime. Yes I hear you thinking already, when is this guy going to do some serious work about it. Telling you the truth: I don't know.

I am uneasy about the 12-step program and its own jargon and culture. How much it took me to become part and parcel with Yiddishkeit, and now on top of that this. Of course I don't say that the 12-steps are not the path. But the Yetser Horah puts me off. Trying to plot on the strength that HKB”H gives me Boruch Hashem. It has been the most hopeful start of the new year.

Of course I know that falling is always possible, but nevertheless I feel like I forged a real relationship with the Aibishter. Thinking the Hakodesh as a real entity and a loving Father (and mother). This has helped me tremendously and it is a support like no other. In difficult times I feel I can talk to somebody, namely Hashem Boruch Hu. The loving embrace of a mother and he newborn that is what I think of and what I (at times) feel.

Hashem Yaazor that (whilst I shouldn't loose my sanity) that everybody will be able to be misbonayn in this and shep the same type of strength from it as I do. I personally think ( and I see you already eye-ball-rolling) that the answer to many of these type of problems is to make a real relationship with Hashem.

May HKB”H help us all getting sober (including our minds) in this year, Gut moed Gut Yomtuv.