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arent pretty woman just nice sights to see?
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TOPIC: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 14415 Views

arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 19:24 #316436

  • lovealways
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if hashem made women so pretty and beautiful why cant we just see nice pretty sights??

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 19:32 #316438

  • Workingguy
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Because He told you not to do that- לא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם. Do not stray after your heart and after your eyes – the commentaries and the Gemara and Halacha all say that one cannot look at pretty women in order to derive pleasure.

We often think that it's rather unkind of God to do that- but the truth is that when one is busy being lustful and steering at all sorts of women it is much harder for them to stay connected and loving to their own spouse, and it is hard for them to be spiritual, focused, and present.

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 19:40 #316439

  • lovealways
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so then why did have present that in front of our faces all the time??

it doesnt make sense why He'd do that. its like having a nice ocean or sunset always in front of your face.

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 20:34 #316445

  • jacobson
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For me, not making sense of a problem I have is not always the pathway to a solution to that problem. I have no idea why G-d created beautiful women that are available for me to look at. I just know that if I focus on "just looking" at all the women I pass in the grocery store creates a problem for me. Consistently focusing on how beautiful (or not) women I see in daily life quickly becomes a trigger that leads to a problem that disconnects me from G-d, my spouse, my daughter, my granddaughter and grandson, and, well, just about everyone in my world. It's not a total disconnect, but the diminishing love that turns to lust quickly makes me, quite literally, sick. If I act out, it takes at least a week, often more, to recover. I physically, mentally, and spiritually am "hungover" and certainly not nearly as available to others until I fully recover. 

So, after a week of hell, it doesn't matter why G-d makes those beautiful women available for my view, what does matter is my always focusing on women, period. There are worlds of other people, places, and things I can focus on that does not lead me to "act out." My focus should be in that direction rather than on why I can or cannot look at beautiful women.

I'm not sure if this helps, but sharing this with you helps me at this moment to "guard my eyes."

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 20:40 #316447

  • yiraishamaim
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lovealways wrote on 29 Jun 2017 19:40:
so then why did have present that in front of our faces all the time??

it doesnt make sense why He'd do that. its like having a nice ocean or sunset always in front of your face

Have you ever lusted over a nice ocean or sunset. Spent hours uncontrollably viewing ocean scenes or sunsets and just couldn't get away from the computer?  Don't fool yourself, we look at women in a different way. Even attractive women who are tzniuisly dressed.
We want a heter to look at a woman for any reason in order to draw us in  too look at her for more devious reasons

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 21:56 #316454

  • Workingguy
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lovealways wrote on 29 Jun 2017 19:40:
so then why did have present that in front of our faces all the time??

it doesnt make sense why He'd do that. its like having a nice ocean or sunset always in front of your face.

So what do you think? That we're supposed to look? Maybe He made them so all the people who have relationships with them should be really happy. Who knows and who cares?

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 22:15 #316455

  • lovealways
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so then dont put them all in front of our eyes if theyre not meant for us like a nice sunset! its ridiculous! i cant resist beautiful hot attractive girl or woman

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 22:33 #316456

  • GrowStrong
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lovealways wrote on 29 Jun 2017 22:15:
so then dont put them all in front of our eyes if theyre not meant for us like a nice sunset! its ridiculous! i cant resist beautiful hot attractive girl or woman

I totally agree
I cannot resist them.
Completely powerless.
And thats why I am learning to surrender them.
OGAAT (one girl at a time)

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 22:40 #316457

  • lovealways
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OMG growstrong! i never thought it like that  one girl at a time! very wise.. change of way of thinking.
but as for my question before i still dont understand...

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 22:44 #316458

  • lovealways
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jacobsons and yiraishamims replies are true. they r right in how i should act..
but i feel they dont answer my question directly

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 22:57 #316461

  • dms1234
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The problem isnt them or God for making them all beautiful, the problem is in MY attitude. I objectify women as my sex object. If i looked at them as human beings not as toys that i can fantasize about and then masturbate to then I wouldnt get triggered by all of them. The problem is my lust. The problem is me. If i asked myself how i can be of maximum service to them and realize they are all God's children, just like i am and then i wouldn't lust over them and treat them the way they are supposed to be. 

The problem is that my problem isnt just lust. Its fear and resentment all of these character defects. So before i can really see them as real people, i need to work on all that junk.
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 29 Jun 2017 23:29 #316462

  • Michael94
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We, that are suffering  and suffered from lust we need first and foremost to look for the solutions to our problem.

as for your philosophical question I believe the gemara states the posuk ״הוא אמר ויהי״ and says that it refers to ״אלו אשה ובנים״ meaning that g-d set up his world that we should be attracted to women and through that have children and their would be a continuation to the existence of the universe, b/c logically says the gemara a man shouldn't be attracted to a ״שק מלא צואה״ .
in other words the reason why they were created beautiful is for us to be attracted to our wives  this that we use this tool of being attracted to others to is our defect (which can harm the way we'll view our wives as well).

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 30 Jun 2017 00:05 #316463

  • Markz
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Michael94 wrote on 29 Jun 2017 23:29:
We, that are suffering  and suffered from lust we need first and foremost to look for the solutions to our problem.

as for your philosophical question I believe the gemara states the posuk ״הוא אמר ויהי״ and says that it refers to ״אלו אשה ובנים״ meaning that g-d set up his world that we should be attracted to women and through that have children and their would be a continuation to the existence of the universe, b/c logically says the gemara a man shouldn't be attracted to a ״שק מלא צואה״ .
in other words the reason why they were created beautiful is for us to be attracted to our wives  this that we use this tool of being attracted to others to is our defect (which can harm the way we'll view our wives as well).

I think that's not necessarily the accurate purpose of אשה
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Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 30 Jun 2017 00:11 #316464

  • Michael94
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Very well said, the discussion here was why did hashem create women (אשה) beautiful, not what's their purpose of creation.

Re: arent pretty woman just nice sights to see? 30 Jun 2017 01:34 #316467

  • yiraishamaim
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There is more than one answer. Rabbi Avigdor Miller was known to say that if food was not enjoyable and fill a physical desire then people would forget to eat and many would die.
If women would not be attractive and relations not desirous then people many would simply not procreate.
Having said that, such philosophical discussions tend to lead us off our main focus. 
As well, I know with me, my lust is so strong and my -yetzer hara or psychee or tendency or whatever you call it - looks for any seemingly kosher way to discuss women and their physical attributes to somehow keep me thinking about them. 
I have struggled in the past by checking out news bits that seem so innocent but in reality were really a lure to get me started on the forbidden. The bits had to do with women's issues that  i felt I had to know to be current on the news.
​Balony my friend, I was simply a desperado groping for even a smidgen of the topic so it could hopefully/eventually lead to more dirt. 
Honestly now, could this be a reason for you having this discussion? Not so different than the kid who waits for the girl topics in the gemarah or halacha.
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