Hope is the most powerful thing. It doesn't express a confidence, only a wish. It talks of a future, but it's effect is felt in the present moment. When we lose hope, we lose all. When there is hope, there is life. The smallest, yet most significant stance we can take for ourselves, is to believe we have hope.

I do not deny reality, even when it is dire. To settle however, I will not. The car, the house, the clothes. These, I can do without. But a life without liberty, happiness, and love, oh, that, is no life at all.

What can we do when this life seems so far away? Beyond all reach, never to come and stay. We reach for our bottle of hope and drink our sorrows away. 

Have a great shabbos! 

P.S I'm in a bit of a dark place right now. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I lost all hope for a better time. Then, came total darkness. Now, I've rekindled my candle of hope, and I see a bit of light. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 19 May 2017 13:43:

You are definitely not the only one.
What often comes to mind is something my father told me many years ago. Our job in this world is not to be ruled by our emotions.
For me, emotions = bad direction. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 19 May 2017 13:43:

Not sure if you wrote the above or it's from elsewhere, but I have felt and still think that although hope may be important, if we place too much emphasis on it (like it seems from your post), it can hinder our progress dramatically. 

EspeciallyEspecially those with serious issues.

cordnoy wrote on 19 May 2017 14:45:

Those with serious issues, like myself.

How could it possibly hinder our progress?

Im ain ani li, mi li?

I think it's​ day 19: A sexual drive is natural.  Using drugs or overeating is also naturally pleasureable. Using sex or drugs to self medicate and deal with tension stress etc. is not healthy though. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 19 May 2017 22:05:

Work and act for yourself; don't hope it will change.

Hi everyone! Don't know if anyone missed me, but I can truthfully say I missed you guys. Since I fell after 85 days (in mid may I believe) I stopped posting. Partly because I was sick of giving this problem of mine (mz"l and looking at inappropriate pictures if I can find em) so much attention, and then because I had restricted my phone so fully I couldn't even go on GYE. 

This past month and a half or so has been pretty weak. I had a streak of three weeks, then 9 days, than a week, then three days etc. Basically falling but never really succeeding long term. 

I realized that what helped me the most was the daily posting on my thread coupled with checking off clean days on the calendar. 

I've learnt from this last fall I need the support, the feeling that I'm not doing this alone. It's a very difficult challenge. 

I also learnt that I'm not perfect. I have this weakness and that's ok. Up until now I always felt that I could really beat this thing, that I had the strength. Every time I would start again I would think, no way I'm going to fall this time around. Now, I have the humility to realize that I simply don't know if I can beat this. I may fall tomorrow. I have a weakness. I will try my best, but I have the humility to realize I'm not G-d and all powerful. I'm human, and to be human is to be flawed. If G-d in his grace deigns to help me overcome this flaw once and for all I'm fairly certain it will be replaced with another. 

I used to think my right to exist hinged on me beating this. That I wasn't worthy of love if I engaged in these behaviors. I would have trouble looking into someone's eyes. 

Now I realize that I was saying that I'm not worthy of love if I'm not perfect. This realization also gave me alot more compassion for other people (when they act annoying etc). 

Everyone is imperfect, we are all just doing the best we can. 

This my friends, is my day 1. 

With G-d's help I'll post daily. Gotta stick with what works. 

Welcome back 
Sorry to hear about the hard times 

A beautiful share such honesty and humility thank you

Have you joined SA meetings yet the real live support may be even better than what we can offer you here

But whatever the case please keep us posted 

KOMTNMWODAAT

Welcome back. The off-road detour is over. Back on the Truckin' highway!

Ihave, this was an incredible post. Honest and brave. One point to consider. Your 85 clean days are yours forever. No matter what happens they cannot be taken away. The Chofetz Chaim writes that if one is nizhar from speaking a specific lashon hora for 100 days and then unfortumately caves in, he still receives the schar for one who is "bolem piv" for that extraordinary amount of time. Give yourself a hug and celebrate an incredible accomplishment. Before GYE would you have ever believed you could make it 85 days?! Do you see whats going on around us? So many people being nichshal in these areas, and at the same time, brave people like yourself (and the rest of us here) not giving up. Iyh with one day at a time you will surpass 85 and then start helping others too (which in reality you are already doing by posting). As you write, the group chizuk is invaluable, so stay connected. Maybe next time you feel like acting out, pick up the phone and call for help. Wishing you the best.

Hi Ihavestrength,
i feel your pain, i had my fall yesterday, its terrible and degrading, embarrassing and ashamed, but keep your head up, for being clean for 85 days, its painfull to fall just 5 days before 90, but 90 is just a number, we are focusing only for today, not more then one day at a time, so keep on marching, hashem still loves you, you are still his child, and the main thing is, stay positive, that will keep you going, positive and happy, dont look back, thats part of the recovery process, to fall, yes, to fall, because after every fall we get stronger, please check out my post from my fall at guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/310838-My-Book-of-Business?limit=15&start=165#316212 i hope it will keep you uplifted. 
i hope to see you again clean at 85 days, from today till rosh hashanah is 85 days, lets com clean to the yom hadin, are you in with me? Please say yes....
thank you

Hashem Help Me wrote on 28 Jun 2017 02:37:


That is very inspiring.

Would you be able to point me to where exactly the Chofetz Chaim wrote that?

Thanks.

Shteeble wrote on 28 Jun 2017 11:01:

Please explain the chidush.

If one holds back for 100 days, why shouldn't he be rewarded?

I didn't say it's a chiddush.
I said it's inspiring.