Tzomah
It took me a while to understand your post but I got it 
Thanks

Hashem Help Me wrote on 10 Nov 2017 12:18:

I will write the  following knowing that eyes will roll and minds will think "come on already grow up shut up" but I will write it anyway and hope the feedback won't be to harsh

Yes I have been here long enough to have over 1000  posts yet still I have barely begun to make any progress guess I have been wasting a lot of time, mine and others.

Is this a low self esteem talking, probably, and while it is talking I'll let say a few more things like,many many people struggle true but if I were to  live my life by looking at others I would be a druggy and a few worse things by now as many of my classmates from school ended up that dark road

And quite frankly I am very embarrassed with my journey  so far and really do not see where there is any inspiration to be gotten especially from the old timers who are probably ready to kill me by now and for me to think about what Hashem gets from me would be suicide as whatever nachas he gets is dwarfed by sadness and pain that I am such a mess.

Thanks for being patient with me HHM TZOMAH MARKZ CORDNOY and all the rest of you (sorry if I have not mentioned others that I have had interaction with) may you all remain healthy and clean the rest of your lives
(and try not to leave me in the dust)

Gevalt!!!! I used to think exactly like you. To the point that I had a dangerous episode. My therapist after talking to me for about 15 mins (if I remember correctly- definitely the first session with this guy) says SA. The real fellowship of seeing and connecting to other people not just user names really makes a difference. If you are an addict (try the SA 20 questions or speak to someone who knows) they teach and show you how you can not control yourself and you can not blame yourself.
Regardless if you are or are not an addict Hashem loves you more than you can imagine. The 13 Middos start with Hashem Hashem the first one is the love He has for you before you did an aveira the second one is the love He has for you afterwards- I think even if it was done l'ha'achis (just to rebel against Hashem c"v). You can rest assured Hashem loves you and does not nor will He ever give up on you.
I don't think the oilem here will give up on you either. Look at R' HHM's post this is where people like us turn this is what this website is made for. Not for people who can stop for people who need help. There's nothing wrong with that. I probably need more help than you do. I happened to Baruch Hashem have found a path which seems to work for now. You will B'ezras Hashem find yours too just keep your eyes open.
Keep on trucking.
Best of luck.
Please keep posting.

look at the baal shem tov on ois ches by חטא he says to reasons why the א is there 
hashem is always with u you can't let him down as he aint human 
you don't need to look at others the point is to see whats possible 
anyways dust where?
i don't see any 
you will make it or else you wouldn't be here 

Mayan, no one is giving up on you. We are here with you wherever this journey takes you. Even if you try to scare us away, our hands will be outstretched waiting for your grip.

Hey 
Getting rather stressed out right now 
Why? because I potentially have 3-4 thousand dollars worth of dental work to be done between me and my wife and only $1700 in the bank
but I'll just give it all over to Hashem and let him take care of it for me/us 
So: Hashem I cannot deal with this please help me take a back seat and do your will and please take the stress/want to act out away as I will fall soon if I try to fight it.

Thanks for listening.....

Oh no

Refua shleima!
MayanHamisgaber wrote on 05 Nov 2017 20:48:


This Taphsic road seems to be a backdoor or reverse lane - not sure you'll get far with that...

I believe cutting down on virtual connectivity and upping the real / live gye regular connection is likely to help you find some sort of sanity in life. You took baby steps in that direction... I think you can grow out of the infant seat - only if you wish
Thats my unsolicited take for a fellow brother. Take it or leave it

UCTACTTW...

Markz

Amen
Thank you for your advice and that is exactly the plan to up the real live connection 
I a not doing a taphsic just a small incentive program

What does UCTACTTW mean?

Just need to vent 
Why the hell can she argue on every damn thing I say and way I live life and I cannot even say a stinking thing about any of the stupid things she does to waste money let alone try to explain things that I do.
And how the Hell did she decide to marry me if she is so indecisive about any g-d damn thing in life

Oh and 3 min. later all is well as if I didn't just get the sh-t shot of me what the f--k do my feelings mean anyway


I think Markz's list needs more than 9 entries

Sorry you are having a rough day

She married you because even though she can’t decide about anything and is so indecisive, when it came to YOU it was very clear to her. It says a lot about how she likely feels about you.

(Some) Women have a tendency to connect through venting and criticizing. I have the distinct feeling of listening to my wife complain about all the things I do wrong sometimes, and if I can grit my teeth and actually LISTEN and be empathic, after she’s done she’s full of love.

Me-inside I’m hurt and seething and wondering “If you really feel all the things that you just said, how can you be so loving now?”

The answer- she doesn’t really feel that way. She felt that way twenty minutes ago at that moment. If I was able to take it, her feeling is gone.

Impossible for me to understand as a supposedly logical guy. But seemingly a not unusual female style.

So what do you do? Learn to try to see it only for what it is. It’s very hard.

On her part in regard to your feelings, as our therapist told my wife, “Your delivery can use a little work.”

Welcome to marriage!

Thanks Workingguy
Yes what you say is the basics of understanding your wife this is not something new but I was hoping someone would spell it out.

And thank you for waiting a day or two in responding if this was posted right away I would have responded with stupid excuses why this does not apply to me (your beautiful way of explaining how she decided to marry me) and I would eventually be embarrassed with my behavior (at least more than I am already)

Thank you 

Oh and by the way I am honored to be the recipient of your 1000th post 
Mazal tov
( I see that Markz beat me to it and with 1000 !'s)

Not feeling so well lots of stress won't bore anyone with the details
called a friend to vent I think it helped a little
really want to cut back on how active I am here but do not think it would be good for me right now

Markz please answer me what does UCTACTTW mean?