You can reach out to me also. And my real name is Shlomo. Don't tell anyone.

Shlomo24 wrote on 05 Sep 2017 05:38:

  

You were the first one I wrote down

Thank you all for the responses 

Just got an ichy feeling now
Another Elul another R"H and Y"K coming up and I still am ashamed of myself, still masturbating still looking at porn still calling in to chat lines
Yes I do realize that I have improved but I think that I could have done better and that is bothering me
​ I need to work hard on the perfectionism......... 

I hate myself I feel like a loser that cannot make himself a better person....
Here is why

Friday almost ready for Shabbos wife goes to take a shower and suddenly I have access to an unfiltered computer. B"H no falls or slips but how the hell can I even think let alone be fighting with myself to not surf for some porn WHEN BOTH MY KIDS WERE AROUND!!!!
Kept myself busy with last minute things till my wife came out of the shower and B"H nothing happened.

But I was and still am really shaken that I had such a strong urge after all this time makes me wonder how I will get thru Sukkos..... 

I also used to let that eat me up.

But who says that that's a goal that we should set for ourselves?

Also, that's part of B'makom Sheba'aei Teshuva Omdim, Ain Tzadikim Gemurim Yecholim La'amod.

We have that feeling that we're farfahlen to deal with (among other things) and that's a good way to tap in to "Leiv Nishbar VeNidkeh, Elokim Lo Sivzeh".

And one more thing, what's the Nafka Minah if you wind up like your friends who (as far as you know) never had this addiction -

L'maaseh this whole business of yes like friends/not like friends -IMHO- is lots of hooey, hogwash, bologna (pronounced baloney), shtissim, shtuyot, and for our friend Yoeli with the lithp -B.S. (I heard an Israeli chassidishe guy say that today und Ich zug dir tzi az er veist nisht vus s'maint bichlall; my mother washed out my mouth with soap when I innocently repeated the second half of that word).

Tachlis -Are you happy the way you are? When someone chalilah has yenner machlah, he's busy worrying about his not looking like his friends, or whether the treatments will work and he'll survive?

My dear friend -I have a problem, you have a problem, we have a problem. Any Jew who is frum and looks at P***, hangs out with shiktzas (actually they might be shekatzim, after all if you present yourself as some anonymous John, so can the person you're chatting with) online, can't give up M***N HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!

Because by definition, most people who live a frum lifestyle -and I'm not even talking about a shtickle ben-Torah, just your average Yossel -have Yiras Shamayim.

And if a guy with Yiras Shamayim in all other areas of life, a guy who has (in general) a wife, kids, other family members, a job or a Kollel, a good (or at least decent) reputation, and whatever else your average Yossel has knowingly and with open eyes places all of what's good in his life on the line in order to watch P***, hang out online with shiktzas, and M**** until he starts losing the ta'am in anything he ever enjoyed HE IS AN ADDICT!!!.

His friend might not be.

So it's a choice, worry about me, or worry about if I'm going to ever be like my 'normal' friends...

Worry about today, because without today -there is no tomorrow.

And I'm not a Rebbe, Navi, or fool who gives out havtachos. I haven't even been around here that long. But I am 100% sure, so I will guarantee you that if you get with the program here, and get clean -you will be so happy, and so satisfied that you won't be able to care less if you are like your 'normal' friends or not. You'll be happy just the way Hashem made you.

Besides, maybe your 'normal' friends:
a. are here now.
b.were here in the past.
c.could really, really, really desperately use to be here, and weren't yet zocheh.
d.were never here, don't need to be here, and never will.

What's the big difference?

I'm here with you, and for you -if you want,

Eli Ben Durdayah

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 10 Sep 2017 19:03:

Maybe make a competition with yourself and see how long you can stay in wonderland...
I didn't hear of any Trump deportations happening there, so as long as you wish to stay with Alice enjoy yourself