I have listened to many of Dov's recordings and I have gained from them....

However I feel triggered and annoyed when listening so I do not think that calls are the thing for me. What will work? Hell if I know......actually even if I do not know there is going to be Hell to pay       

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 09 Aug 2017 15:13:

The only hell I heard dov talk about was the one on this world, which can lead one on real steps to being sober

Sweating about the one in the world to come doesn't do much for many of us

Maybe you're better than me

I do not sweat it 
I just wrote what I was thinking at the time

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 09 Aug 2017 15:13:

Maybe not Dov's calls. Maybe the morning call (martin b.) Or afternoon one (duvid chaim). It's a pretty friendly atmosphere. 

Best of luck

The problem is not the friendliness of the calls B"H Dov, Cords, GS, Mikestruggling, Workingguy, BigMoish (I think, just naming those that have been active on calls that I have joined, sorry if I missed someone) have all been really great and supportive. I think it is the content that is the issue.

Thanks

Would it help you if you'd specify what content bothers you and why?

"Surrender" used to drive me bananas.....until I was finally able to relate to it on some level.

Surrender, Fall, Prayer,...... none of that bothers me 
What I mean by content is that I still do not think I am an addict so in my head I do not need to be going to meetings/calls and hear about how and what everyone else is going thru. I feel that I am using it as an alternative way of acting out, much the same way that Dov says it is an excuse to think about my penis all day. (sorry for the crass lingo) 

Thank you

And in that case, you are using this forum as an orgy of sorts, so although I will miss you, why don't you just go back to your old life and say the Hell to this type of recovery?

Correct!!!!!!!!!!!

That was exactly my thoughts after this last fall, I did not want to even log on to click I had a fall!!!
But my old way did not work either and I do not know what to do....       

I can hear both sides of what's going on in your head. Have you tried surrendering what you hear in the calls that bothers you?

I have only one thing to add.
Yesterday you said you are not normal.
In our language not normal means addict.
You cant be not normal and also not an addict.
Pick one

GS, I wouldn't consider myself normal, I take pride in that! But an addict? Na, not me, at least I don't think so.

GrowStrong wrote on 09 Aug 2017 21:41:

Sadist  

But I do not speak your language.....  

Shlomo24 wrote on 09 Aug 2017 21:35:

Not sure what you mean

Surrender the feelings of resentment and triggers and annoyance that I feel, no I have not done that and am not sure how,    to be honest

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 10 Aug 2017 05:38:

Would you like me to tell you how I do it?