And please sir, don't write another long post why the sexes must stick with the same number. Listen to Una please. 

You have asked for a sponsor and you have been noticed. People are commenting and here to help. 

I am a 2 and my wife is a 4. We work well together. There was a time in my life I wished she was an 8. Now, it is not on my radar at all. There are some with different numeral sequences but it all works out.....that is if you give it a try.

And as Watson said the other day....we sometimes have to say it like it is....get off your high horse please of having the solution or the method to the solution all worked out. We created the problem but we cannot fix it. Listen to others please.

B'hatzlachah

I agree with Cordnoy. My own stinkin' thinkin' got me in this mess, and I expect to come up with an answer myself! One of the main benefits, for me, of having a sponsor is that he's not me.

Hatzlacha.

I appreciate Una's post, and will post a response some time later when I have time.

I don't understand hardly a word of Cord's post.

Frankly, I am constantly feeling "attacked" here, 
(though I know that it is nobody's intention).
And I don't know why this seems to happen after almost ALL of my posts.
I'm being sincere and opening up and NOT pretending to know all the answers. I wouldn't post here and ask for help, if I knew all the answers. But I am working the different tools suggested here and think that a sponsor who understands where I am coming from would really help.

And I feel that the terminology being used is a big part of it.

I think this should be a safe, welcoming space to get help, no matter what your struggle is or whatever number you are on the spectrum.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote:

The only reason these loving people are commenting is because they care!

And since they care is why they wanted to notify you that in their experience sponsorship has very low success rate

This is the welcoming space to get help!!

I assume you're referring to anonymous sponsorship

So let me tell you something

There is this guy that refuses to open up to someone real and was valiantly looking for sponsorship

I decided to be nice and accept his request
I emailed him... Got gye reports about his week clean streak and all his falls...

IT WAS ALL EFFORTS IN FUTILITY

And this is a guy that lost at least one job due to porn

Such an anonymous form of support is more anonymous than your doorpost, and IMHO less productive than this forum

You wanna keep barking down that street? No one gonna stop you. 

You want to get real sober?
Read each gye's story (see the free lust towing page for links - skip the link to cordnoys cos it's under construction - I hope he asked the dev to fix it)

See what works, get on the bandwagon and KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!

Every once in a while someone comes here with a problem (of which sometimes they tell us what it is) and people offer to help. The poster insists on one method of recovery and no other. People try to explain to him where he might be off our what he should try instead. But to no avail. The poster doubles down and the others try again, but this time, aiming for the source. The poster then feels that he is being harassed. We apologize. Recovery is a dirty messy process and one that frankly stinks....almost as much as the porn and sex and aveiros God forbid did. So, we are at the crossroad. Which filthy road should we take? I chose life. It wasn't easy. It was difficult. It hurt. All those dirty secrets of mine, now in the open. Did I have relapses? Yes I did and do. And to all those posters who dread the fall after 90 and after 150 and whatever, and they analyze it to death, I say: just shut up and move the Hell on! Dive into recovery even further. It was a hefty price to pay for my decades of rolling in the mud, but it was and is well worth it.

Some people here wanna help, but you gotta let them, and most of all, you gotta let yourself. You admitted you don't understand the language, so instead of dissing them off, maybe study harder.

Wishing you all the hatzlachah in the world

II don't speak to devs.

I don't look for frustration.

I have enough without searching out for it.

My threads are just fine.

cordnoy wrote:

I beg to disagree - sorry

1. The stats page links to your Tryin' thread
2. I link to your thread in the free towing page

Theres only one post on that thread page.

It need fixing and is simple. I though you asked them. Ok so I will bln

"Bigmoish" post=241686 date=1413938764 catid=17From the many posts and testimonials we've seen today, it seems your attraction to frum, tzniusdik women is not as "weird" as you would like to believe. Does the fact that you feel that your nisayon is different bog you down? (Honestly, I feel this way as well.) Perhaps the first step is accepting that we are truly similar to everyone else here, albeit with slightly different details. Maybe then we can tell ourselves "if they can do it, so can we."

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 23 Nov 2016 13:28:


Yosef Hatzadik,

I'm sorry that you feel attacked; it should be a welcoming space. I think it often is, but sometimes it isn't.

I'd suggest one thing that I think a lot of the "oilam" is trying to convey. Try to just learn from the people here and from the sharing; for example, you write in a very sure of yourself way about which number has to work with which number, and why your number is the worst. It sounds like you think you have he answers, which you have clearly stated that you don't.

So I guess perhaps sounding a little certain and less of telling it how it is and instead listening to other experiences and sharing yours would probably work much better. I say this with no intent to hurt or to criticize; I want you to succeed and I think everyone here does too.

I don't know where to begin...
I don't think I have some very big problem.
I am a pretty normal guy, in terms of sexual attraction and sexual release.
I took the SA 20 question test at Dov's request and answered yes to 8 of them -(1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 12, and 16).
If I wasn't a frum guy who wants to grow and be an eved HaShem, I wouldn't even consider myself as having a problem at all.
When I get very frustrated and want to exert a little temporary control in my life and give myself a pass, then I slip up, take off my tzitzis and yarmulka and masturbate. It seems ridiculous writing about it, but I guess it's serving some purpose to help me and hopefully others. So I'll continue.
I find Elul, Rosh HaShana,  and Yom Kippur to be especially difficult in terms of gathering the strength and chutzpah and wild, non-fact-based hope that THIS time will be different. This time my teshuva will last. Admitting the sin before HaShem in detail, stopping sinning (not wallowing in the mud...but getting out, cleaning myself off thoroughly, as opposed to staying in the mud or holding onto the sheretz), and regretting that I didn't restrain my tyvahs, but gave in to them like a weak, disobedient, disloyal, immature fool are all no problem for me to do. I mean it's work, but I can do it. I have a heart-to-heart with myself and talk to HaShem. I sincerely want to have a close relationship with HaShem, and realize that doing this aveira of wasting seed does the exact opposite. It brings me further from Him and creates a barrier between me and Him.
It's the commitment for the future that I won't return to this sin, but I will restrain my tyvahs and not give in to them that is very difficult. How likely is it exactly that I will succeed. I need to convince myself that I will, to say it sincerely to HaShem, and yet I wouldn't suppose the odds are too good. Ridiculous, self-defeating behavior that has become a really hard to get rid of bad habit, since it's been repeated so many times and there really isn't a good kosher substitute. Don't get me started talking about marriage. Suffice it to say that I can count with my hands how many times that has helped, but can't even tell you how many hundreds of times that has hurt and made failing more likely to happen. Anyway, I try to do the last step of commitment for the future, and think of ways to improve my chances of success.

Everyday, especially if there is a lot of stress or frustration in my life, is possible that I will act out. There is obviously no schedule. But overall, my year has often looked like this in the past:
1. I almost always will fail around Sukkos time, which is only a few weeks after the 10 Days. (this year was on Hoshana Raba of all times!)
2. the next time after Sukkos is Chanuka time. I will almost always fail around Chanuka time.
3. Then, sometime in Shovavim.
4. Then, sometime before Pesach.
5. Sometime in Sefiras HaOmer
6. Sometime in the 3 Weeks
7. Sometime in Av
8. and maybe sometime in ElulOccasionally, if I don't "pick myself up" right away, I will wallow in the mud and masturbate again, before doing teshuva. I know that this is a trick of the yetzer hara to convince me to stay down. Unfortunately, about 1/2 of the time, I fall for it. So, I would say that we're talking about 12 times a year. Twelve times TOO MANY!
It doesn't have to include watching porn. Although, sometimes it will start out with an improperly dressed woman in real life or video, and then I decide to look at something more explicit...leading eventually to masturbating and wasting seed. Most times, it is when I go to take a shower. Not exactly a "trigger" I can avoid!

I have listened to shiurim and am listening to The Fight now by Rabbi Shafier.
I have learned with a Rabbi sources inside about this topic.
I have read some posts here and the article on breaking habits.
I am starting to exercise-walk a few times a week.
I am committed to posting my experiences on this going for 90 days forum (and chart).
I am emailing someone anonymously already called ikosherphone.
I called Dov twice and MAY join/listen in to his group call.
I am trying to limit my time on the computer to avoid being on at night, since later at night (and Friday afternoons) are the times I am much more likely to fail and watch something specifically explicit...leading to watching porn, which leads to wasting seed.

I don't want to fail again. What helped you succeed? What else can I do to help ensure that this time I will succeed and not fall back?
Even the Cubs won this year...so anything's possible!
And they lost way more than 20 years in a row, before they had a winning season and became champions. I just want to be proactive and not just hope that this time will be different.

You really have done well taking big steps forward in your recovery

KUTGW!!!

Keep
Up
The
Good
Work

Some people are here to stop wasting seed. If it only happens 12 times a year, is that a reason to open up?

Some other people are here to turn their lives around. Were they in the dumps every day of the year living with anxiety from Thanksgiving to YomKippur?

So they aren't here only to stop wasting seed. They are upgrading their lives, and as a side benefit Porn & Masturbation deminish

KOT!!

Any guy who mentions the cubs is a friend of mine.

You hinted about marriage.

PerhapsI give a shot at reading the mikvah night thread.

And, how many years has this been going on?

I want to restrain and succeed and finally pass this nisayon!
I am sick of failing 12 times a year. I don't want to fail at all. And frankly, it's disheartening doing teshuva, convincing myself that I will restrain my tyvahs and not give in next time. And then proceed to fail at predictable intervals throughout the year! Especially because I know that if I can figure this test out and "study for it beforehand", I can pass this test. And once I pass this test a few times, I know that it will get easier to pass it in the future. And before long, I will not be regularly failing, but succeeding the whole year...and then two years...and then, I anticipate and look forward to being able to help others succeed as well.

And to be very clear, I am not talking about JUST stopping wasting seed. I am looking to greatly strengthen my relationship with HaShem. Finally passing this nisayon for good will completely turn my life around. It has been holding me back spiritually for over 20 years.
And passing this nisayon will help my connection and closeness to HaShem, my marriage (automatically), my learning, my davening, my parnasa, and my children (giving them the ability to pass difficult nisyonos in their lives, through the "spiritual DNA" principle discussed by Rabbi Wallerstein). So, I'm all in, and I really want to win this year. I haven't come to terms with it and made peace with it...oh well, keep on trucking, it happens several times a year, just move on, no big deal. I haven't given up. It's not hopeless. I am still fighting, though I've been punched and knocked down so many times. And this time, I will, B'ezras HaShem, stick to it, control my behavior, and become an eved HaShem. This can be the start of my being clean for good. It's possible. Everyone's 19 years clean (and counting) started somewhere...and that was it...no more yo-yo-ing, no more failures, no more backslides, no more slipups...no more 12 times a year nonsense. I can do it. And some of you reading this can help me succeed.