Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 23 Jan 2017 13:24:

why not?
Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 23 Jan 2017 13:24:

If 10 people post 5 ideas, you are back to the same problem - 50 ideas!

Stop putting it on others to tell you what to do.  You have enough ideas.  YOU make a list.
Either way, just do something and tell us how it's going (if you wish).

The way I figured out what works for me was reading other people's threads and asking them questions in their experiences.

Yosef,

Markz has links in his signature or somewhere else to people's threads who've succeeded.
Why don't you ask him to post it, and instead of putting the burden on everyone else to tell YOU what to do, why don't you read successful people's threads and ask them questions?

I've read many; I think when I came on GYE I read Cordnoy's entite Mikvah night and Tryin threads. You'd have the time if instead of writing long posts, you READ long posts.

Gibor, AlexEliezer, Neshamaincharge, Cordnoy, Markz, unanumun- there are so many people's stories to read to learn from. Can you do that?

l just got off the phone with Dovid Chaim and a few others (and 8 or so silent people).
I asked him a few questions, in a full hour call, and he is very nice.
I'll read some of the big book to give it a chance.
I doubt that this is for me, but I have a pretty open mind...evidenced by my calling in the first place.

I am not the kind of guy to sit for hours reading other people's whole threads. I could only make it through the first 5 pages of my own. Everyone is different. Workingguy, no need for an aggressive tone.

I sat down and asked a Rosh Kollel about azeevas hachate. Is it a whole drawn out, long process?
What good is fasting and that long Arizal Shema and other things he mentioned, if in a few days or weeks my friend will probably just act out again?
He said azeevas hachate is immediate...takes an absolute decision to separate from the behavior, which can be done in a few minutes. How? He said once you realize how chamur the aveira is, you want to leave it and not continue doing it. Plus, the 7 things: fasting, special Shema, mikveh, reading Zohar, doing teshuva, learning Torah, and saying the tikkun haklali will not only help repair the damage, but will also help protect my friend from falling back into the aveira. 

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 23 Jan 2017 18:24:

That is not Azivas Hachet for you or me 

Brother - do you recall I asked you last week to get yourself a Rav just for life in general.

And you asked my opinion.

A personal Rav will give personalized advice. 
You aren't allowing yourself that
So today you go to this Rosh Kollel, next week it will be a Chacham, the following week a Rebbe, then a Mekubal...

I have a Rav and a Shrink. Just in case you wanted to know what works for me

I am open to having a personal Rav who understands this inyan well, and can help me break free.
I don't have such a person. If you want to give me a name and number, I will call anyone.
You can write it here, email it to me, or even pm me here.
I totally agree with you. Next week, I may go to someone else and ask about my "friend". 
But I don't have someone to call right now, so I'm doing what I can.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 23 Jan 2017 20:17:

It's like going to nutritionists and herbalists and then homeopists for a deep cut cv

As long as it doesn't hurt too much and doesn't feel life threatening, no one can convince you otherwise

you don't have to convince me to call a great, and appropriate Rav;
just give me a name and number.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 23 Jan 2017 20:29:

He doesn't have to be great as in 'world-famous'. I'll still go back to my analogy above. If you feel an urgency to deal with a deep cut you would look for a suitable dr / Rav in your town that you can build a relationship with. Maybe join his shovavim shiur. 

I still feel that advice from gibbor, cordnoy, Watson, etc... is from personal experience and can jump your Truck 90 miles ahead

I suggest you ask each of them for 1 thing they suggest you do, on condition that for the next 30 days you follow thru.

If it's just for 2nd opinion, they may not respond

Perhaps they already mentioned, and I also quoted for you yesterday what works for cord's

Some people may view me as not wanting to accept other people's advice.
But think to yourself
(without posting anything, or quoting my words back to me proving the contrary, please)
do you know anyone who is not willing to accept other people's advice who has:
1. talked with a guy in long-time recovery for hours
2. met with a guy in person who is having long-term success
3. called up and joined in the discussion on a 12-step phone conference
4. talked with his personal Rov about this issue 
5. posted almost daily to a website dedicated to help
6. emailed the founder several times
7. emailed a couple of people often who are sponsor/buddies with long-term success set up here
8. willing to read at least parts of the big book
9. sat down and asked a Rosh Kollel his opinion on this inyan
10. listened to many shiurim on this inyan suggested by this site

I highly doubt it.

I've never doubted your sincerity.

As far as azivas hachet goes I think this is where addicts and non-addicts need different approaches. I know how bad the chet is, but that never stopped me. When I see how much it ruins my life today, I know I need to stop. I need to stop even if it wasn't an aveiroh.

You've said a few times that you're not an addict. Personally I don't have anywhere near enough information to even give it any thought. I don't know, for example, how much time you spend fantasising about acting out in-between your falls, or how many times you've tried to do teshuva gemrura already.

was reading cordnoys thread and found this gem it really gave me a great perspective even though i'm no addict
Markz wrote on 13 Nov 2016 14:57:


hat do you think?

B'hatzlacha

sorry that it's long one  

I liked it.
When in the rip tide/current, the way not to drown is to swim to the side, parallel to the shore.
Not to fight it head-on. This sounds very much like the eitza of the taphsic thing to exercise or go for a walk when the rip tide of aveira strikes and threatens to sink us. 
----------------
Watson, I appreciate your post. 
I emailed Yaakov for a recommendation for a personal Rov.
Boruch HaShem, this is not an addiction for me...but yet I haven't been able to get past it yet either.
I don't fantasize about women or having sex or wasting seed.
If a beautiful woman passes me in the street, I may notice her, but 8 out of 10 times I will be able to control myself not to turn around to look at her from behind as she walks away.
Watching porn is only a side problem if and when I'm really weak.
Wasting seed is something that happens if I get thrown off balance and am really weak.
Streaming videos is a huge problem that I am trying and failing and trying to break free from too.
I've created very bad habits. And now it is very difficult to get rid of them. That's why I'm here.

But if it wasn't forbidden, or I wasn't a Jew, then I wouldn't think this would be a big problem. 
It would be like being 40-50 pounds overweight. Yeah, it's a problem. Yeah, there is something there. You are not thin and healthy. But it is very hard to successfully lose it long-term, and not regain the weight,
so you live with being 40-50 pounds overweight. 
The thing is, that I am Jewish and it IS a very big aveira to waste seed. So, there I am losing some weight, gaining it back, losing some weight, etc. I go on a forum, and keep hearing there is a wonderful thing called Overeaters Anonymous. They go through the big book, just substituting the word alcohol. There are phone conferences too.  Or you can see a therapist and/or really dig into what motivates you to overeat. You can't just decide to stop...confuses me and frustrates me and makes me wonder what I can actually do that will help me personally succeed long-term. 

I appreciate that everyone is trying to help me. And I realize that a lot of my posts are coming across wrong/stubborn/selfish/egotistical. I just want to break free and feel like being here is going to help, and someone here will get through to me and really be able to help me, or put me in touch with someone who can really help me. So here I am with all my faults exposed...not willing to give up.

good for you
keep on posting and don't give up. yes some posts are hard hitters but it is all out of love i've come to realize this and it helped me understand some of the heavyweights here
KUTGW

B'hatlacha 

here is another gem
cordnoy wrote on 15 May 2016 16:34:


cords can you please listen to yourself and post some more of these

B'hatzlacha