Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 14:00:

Singularity mentioned previously that he's insane. He just confirmed it

Mark, could you address my comments to your earlier post?

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 12:49:


Yosef,

Rabbeinu Yonah says that we shouldn't fast but rather do Taanis HaRaavad which is to leave s little over at the end of the meal. Almost all the Sefarim I've seen including I believe the Steipler say today we should not be fasting but rather learning, or eating a little less than we'd like.

Markz wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:58:

Firstly, my comments weren't addressed to you. I do not recall (and I read and follow every post on every thread) you pushing someone to go to meetings.

SecondlyI, I will allow the good doctor to fend for himself.

Thirdly, I wasn't differentiating between steps and meetings.

Fourthly, in response to your question, imho, if one seriously works the steps with another person, he can gain, even without attending a meeting.

Fifthly, my main point was a non addict should not be pushed to work the steps or meetings. Perhaps encouraged if he shows some willingness.

Finally, I apologize for the g's.

I started today's post off with 3 things I may (bli neder) try this Shovavim:
saying the special, long krias Shema al hamita of the Arizal,
learning more Torah (an extra 1/2 hour or even an extra hour a day),
fasting once.

I'm not talking about fasting all the time, or making a personal fast from my own head.
I mentioned that it is discussed and advised by the Baal HaTanya and the Arizal
to help one do real teshuva in this area.

The fast of the Rived is certainly good too. But that misses the point I'm making.
I'm talking about now during Shovavim.
-----------
Mark, Una, Cord, Gevura, Guard, Watson, any experts:
I'm still waiting for a real answer and response to my reasonable, honest questions.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 14:00:

Sorry brother.
Didn't mean to come across like that.

Cord' I really appreciate your reply (always!), maybe Yosef it may help you too

Yosef, I don't see any question to what I wrote in blue on previous page

Feel free to ask, and pls try keep it the post short and sweet as I try too

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 11:56:

I think he wants sage advice from someone with more than 30 days sobriety...
Yosef let me know how your list goes You jumped to actions without clearly defining your reasons to stop.
No-one stops acting out until they have enough reasons to do it.
Whether its rock bottom for us addicts or a 50 point list of reasons for you with GYE fences in front of it for you... until you know why you should stop acting out and why you want to stop acting out no one here can help you.
We cant teach you how to put your brain before your ..... (sorry)

Mark, Una, Cord, Gevura, Guard, Watson, any experts:
I'm still waiting for a real answer and response to my reasonable, honest questions
in posts:#303547
#303583
#303597 (Mark, check here 1st)
---------------------------
Grow, I responded to you that it will take me some time to think about and make a list.

Markz wrote on 19 Jan 2017 14:44:

Yosef,

can you answer a few questions?

1) Do you really want to stop?

2) what is the main reason why you do want to stop if you do?

3) If someone guaranteed you that therapy could make you stop but you would have to take out a loan for $10,000, would you do it?

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 14:19:

II respond to things I know about.

Workingguy, good questions: 
1. yes
2. needs some thought, same as I said to Grow...
Basically, I want to stop acting out, because my life would be a lot better, fulfilling, and real. This is holding me back in my connection to HaShem. It's not good, fulfilling, or real. It's counterfeit pleasure. I want to exchange my counterfeit $50,000 with a real $1,000,000 dollars. Also, HaShem says that it is destructive and bad for me, and it is a very big aveira. I choose with my bechira to be a tzadik and eved HaShem. I want to fill my days with mitzvahs and avoid doing aveiras. I want to fulfill my potential in this world and have a very close connection to HaShem in this world and the next.
And yet, because it is now serving some real purpose/need, and is such an ingrained bad habit, I am finding it VERY difficult to break free from this short-term pleasure, even though I know that it is counterfeit and destructive...like any bad habit. Also, perhaps making this problem worse, my wife is not helpful and not now part of the solution, but unfortunately, part of the problem.

3. If you change "could" to "would", and add that I would finally break free from this bad habit for good, 
and turn my whole life around for the better, and open up the shefa that HaShem wants to give me, but is being blocked by this aveira that I haven't properly dealt with, and lastly add that I didn't have to worry about paying the money back, since I doubt I would have that kind of money, then yes...
and I would start immediately.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 16:23:


Yosef,

Thank you for answering. I would encourage you to really work on clarifying for yourself number two that you explains to me. I also want to be very holy, and do many of the things that you said, but that was ultimately something that I didn't really want enough. But for example, looking at pornography gives me tremendous anxiety and I don't want that, so that is a very strong motivation and actually causes me not to do it.

Living a lie by not telling my wife is not an option for me is more, so that causes me not to do it. On the other hand, doing it and telling her often is also not an option so that causes me not to do it.

That doesn't mean that I don't struggle, but those reasons I mentioned are some that are strong enough and it's not something that I want but it's something I am not willing nice to have.

So to clarify, I'd suggest you work out a reason that is absolutely clear to you that you must have. I think a lot of people want to fulfill their potential, and really wants to, and let's still try and fail to make changes, but sometimes there is something that is just too important that is not an option which causes us to change. It takes a lot of soul-searching to figure out what that is.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 15:17:

Can you do me a favor and repeat and explain the questions here in brief (120 words max)

I personally don't buy or sell the idea of much reasoning

I can't define all the issues why I don't want to lust

I don't want to and gye helped me find a way how. 
IMHO cut the theory and start with actions

Thats what I did
Now, if you don't have a strong drive to sobrize, figure out why that is so. We're here to get into overdrive, so KOT!!

Markz,

Action is definitely a great place to start, but if you don't want to really stop, or claim you want to but don't really know why you want to, then chances are that you won't stop.

Not that knowing why you want to means you'll be successful, but without it it's very hard.

That's what I see in so many of the people who post here- You know, I really SHOULD stop, and I really COULD be a holy guy, and I'd love to stop because of HaShem- but it's the guys who say "I CAN'T afford to do this anymore, or I WON'T"- those guys seem to way ahead of the game.