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Road to 90 days (how I succeeded, and you can too)

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Road to 90 days (how I succeeded, and you can too) 151135 Views

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 12:16 #303586

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Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 11:56:

This week starts Shovavim, which is special for doing teshuva and being mitakane the pagam habris.
I'm taking it seriously this year with real actions (bli neder):
learn more Torah, say the long Arizal version of krias Shema al hamita, and fast at least once.
Now's the time [fierce determination. Bold, romantic outset]. I'm ready to change and grow and fix up this mess I've gotten into [pinky promise?].
I appreciate those who are really trying to help me. I definitely need all the help I can get.
Just like I've written concrete things I've tried, if you can give me concrete, well-defined things I can actually do that will help me, then I will do them (again, bli neder).

Read Chovos HaLevavos Shar Bitachon I can do.
It's heavy and slow reading, especially if I read it with an eye
to incorporate and apply the lessons, but I can do it.
Read the attitudes and perspectives 21 or 30 principles,
and really think about it and try to incorporate the lessons, I can do.
Get daily chizuk emails and read them the same way, I can do.

But, introspect and figure out underlying reasons why I feel the need to escape and self-soothe,
and then figure out how to meet those needs with some other fulfilling (but not destructive) activities, [hello!! This is the real recovery tool!!! Don't get bogged down by the sidelines!!!!]
sounds nice, but I don't know how to do it...so it gets filed away under "nice idea in theory" but I can't act on it.
Will you help me?

Yes.

Go to 12 step meetings.

all those suggestions you just said, they're all theory. that's the problem!
Things that are real, are also only theory until you actually do them.

And I don't think a longer Kriyas Shema will actually help.
Personally, it just sounds like that romantic determination one gets, whether in Elul, or during the Omer, or during Shovavim, it's a strong inspiration but it will fizzle out. And you'll be left in the ashes of all your good-willed plans.
The Torah won't help insanity. Please listen to the Dov Call recordings link in my signature.

And fasting? Here's what I read from Rav Twerski in Smiling Each Day (ad libbing):

Fasting for Teshuvah is a classical case of taxing the poor for the benefit of the rich. How so? Your eyes sin by looking at inappropriate pictures. Your ears sin by hearing lashon hara and the like. Your heart sins by lusting, propelling the eyes and desiring the forbidden. And who pays for it all? The stomach? Shame! It did nothing wrong? What beef you got with it? So the rich (eyes, heart) can do what they want and the poor get the brunt of it!

Now I'm not knocking the Rabbinically- and Torah-ordained fasts. Those were metukan from a much greater Chochmah than what I have, or will ever have. Talking about personal fasts. Which I did, once, in a flaming Ba'al Teshuvah state, while spending the rest of that day playing Crash Bandicoot (ztz"l)

I was mean in the post. I'm sorry. But maybe that's why the good medicine is usually bitter. That's why I organised the removal of negative karma. Muahaha. I am undefeatable.

"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
One day... At A Time :-D

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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 12:49 #303589

Yosef Tikun HaYesod
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Grow, that's a nice idea. It will take some time.
Sing, you're nuts.
Live 12-step meetings are said (on this very website) to be detrimental for a non-addict.
Rav Twerski's book may put a smile on your face, but the idea to fast in order to repair the damage caused by this aveira as part of one's doing real teshuva, is talked about by the Baal HaTanya and the Arizal.
It isn't something little ole' me is making up.

Last Edit: 19 Jan 2017 12:50 by Yosef Tikun HaYesod.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:00 #303590

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Dear Yosef

Many many of us lust because of emotional issues caused by our childhood
(Which is why + karma helps us)

Many of us can't hear advice the way it's presented due to experiences of our childhood

If you want to get sober for real you're gonna have to break out of the gridlock

Until then, youre gonna repeatedly ask for input, and remain on your exercise bike, pedaling in futility

I'm strangely sober BH for reasons explained on my thread.
However if those things weren't sufficient to get my tricycle moving, I'd seriously consider SA meetings despite the fact that socializing isn't for me

Id ask my sensible Rav and follow his advice to the tee

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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:05 #303591

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Markz wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:00:

Dear Yosef

Many many of us lust because of emotional issues caused by our childhood
(Which is why + karma helps us)

Dear Markz,
Thank you for bringing this up. Maybe you can tell me what I'm doing wrong. Due to the issues in my childhood, the prolonged absence of karma is starting to give me a complex.
I was considering opening a barter thread offering 2c for each karma point but I'm not sure if incentivizing is allowed on the forum.
Any and all advice will be immensely appreciated.
Yours always,
GrowStrong.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:07 #303592

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Markz wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:00:

Dear Yosef

Many many of us lust because of emotional issues caused by our childhood
(Which is why + karma helps us)

Many of us can't hear advice the way it's presented due to experiences of our childhood

If you want to get sober for real you're gonna have to break out of the gridlock

Until then, youre gonna repeatedly ask for input, and remain on your exercise bike, pedaling in futility

I'm strangely sober BH for reasons explained on my thread.
However if those things weren't sufficient to get my tricycle moving, I'd seriously consider SA meetings despite the fact that socializing isn't for me

Id ask my sensible Rav and follow his advice to the tee

And disclose everything. Output is only as valuable as its input.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:09 #303593

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Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 12:49:

It's not a mathematical formula
Addict = 12 steps
Non-addict = longer Kriyas Shema

Think outside the box

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:21 #303594

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GrowStrong wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:05:

Markz wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:00:

Dear Yosef

Many many of us lust because of emotional issues caused by our childhood
(Which is why + karma helps us)

Just to add to this that this was slightly tongue in cheek and i hope to look back at this post in a year with a lot of karma - but its interesting to note that maybe my problem with karma is related to my problem with sex.
Instead of waiting for it and anticipating and then being let down - i need to give it up and it will come.

Adding to this even though its not my thread, that my actual progress in this issue is really going well.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:37 #303595

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GrowStrong wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:05:

Markz wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:00:

Dear Yosef

Many many of us lust because of emotional issues caused by our childhood
(Which is why + karma helps us)

If incenticivicizin' would be allowed (which it is) and your karma would be plussed, what would it then do for you?

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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:39 #303596

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II wrote the previous post before I saw your latest post.

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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:41 #303597

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Mark, nice post.
What were your reasons? Can you briefly give them to me here?
I am too lazy or time pressured to read a whole long thread now.

Asking a sensible, Rov, who understands these things AND me
is in the "nice idea, but not actionable" category.
I don't have such a person I can call.
Disclosing everything is a good idea. But what does that mean? Should he read these 300 posts?
Who is a big, sensible Rov who would agree to do that?

Is everything here on this website just a bluff...and only going through the big book, white book,
phone 12-step meetings, live 12-step meetings, admitting you are powerless and an addict,
and forget all the teshuva talk, you are sick and need to get a refua like chemotherapy,
is going to help??? That can't be!

At the entrance to twilight zone...someone please pull me back.

Last Edit: 19 Jan 2017 13:52 by Yosef Tikun HaYesod.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:50 #303600

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II don't believe that 12 steps are detrimental for non addicts, and I also don't believe that one should be pushin' another (especially one who thinks he's not addicted) to go to meetings.

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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:51 #303601

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Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:41:

Well I think you have to ask yourself.

Am I an addict?

No! I just fall every now and then.

Yeah? Like, every few months?

Well, every few days. Actually, I'm falling right now. On another web tab.

Oh. But you're not an addict?

No. It's just nisayon ha'Dor

Oh. But every few days?

Well, yes.

And on Shabbos, that one time..

Really? ya know, Zri'ah is a Melocha on Shabbos.

Yeah, but that's only when it's matz'miach.

Oh. I see.

Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:56 #303602

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Singularity wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:51:

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:41:

IImho, this post is uncalled for and missed the boat. (And I don't fully understand some of it, but that's probably due to my lack of education.)

(Agav, even if one, in recovery, falls everyI 40 or 110 days, he still may beI an addict, as I can attest to.)

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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 13:58 #303603

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cordnoy wrote on 19 Jan 2017 13:50:

II don't believe that 12 steps are detrimental for non addicts, and I also don't believe that one should be pushin' another (especially one who thinks he's not addicted) to go to meetings.

Before I continue I just want to express a little gratitude to the dev for fixing Mobile quote and I think after I submit this post the date of the quote will show
THANK YOU!

Cord' - I was only talking about what I'd do.
Now can you pls explain to me.
Isnt Watson fond of repeating that 12 steps in ones cave won't get one sober, and he'll continue continue drawing cartoons of cavewomen on his wall of honor?

What are the social ingredients of 12 steps? Is group or partner necessary?

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Re: going for 90 days (Feb. 20) 19 Jan 2017 14:00 #303604

Yosef Tikun HaYesod Current streak: 66 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 562 Karma: 28	Sing, like I said before, you're nuts! And I mean that. Your posts are not helpful right now. I'm being mocked for saying that I'm not an addict? Are you serious?