When you are in an acting out phase of life, then walking down a high street or getting on a bus or going into a shop or just thinking about things can be a highly triggering experience. Filters are only good if you are not going to war against them.
YouTube is only one click away from your porn site of choice as is GYE if thats where your head is.
I like what came out here in the forum yesterday.
Step zero is stopping.
As an aside, for those of us who read all posts using the recent posts function, your multiple posting of the same post can be a little annoying!
Otherwise keep up the good work, we both should hit 90 days on the same day

My point is that youtube itself has tons of forbidden, not quite porn things
to see. And that if one allows himself on youtube, then there is no longer any 
filter stopping him from clicking and seeing one of these things.
My filter to stop porn was in place, I didn't have to change the password,
I didn't have to go to a different website. It was all right there on youtube...
and that's the problem with it...and what makes it so evil.
You could be watching a Torah class from Aish.com, that is hosted on youtube,
or listening to a  great new Jewish song. What's wrong with that?
But then, it can and HAS drifted to other things, all on youtube, all under the 
filter's radar, as if there is nothing dangerous or problematic there.
But, I am unfortunately speaking from experience, when I tell everybody
that there IS. Videos upon videos focused on body parts of women.

I can't believe that what I'm saying is getting resistance. Am I really not making sense?
I think I may have just entered the twilight zone again!
I'm going to have a spiked hot tea.
Care to join me? 

Depends on what it is being spiked with!

 

I'm thinking bourbon.

When we make it to 90-days, perhaps we will have a l'chayim together for real...
depending on logistics...otherwise just a virtual l'chayim.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 02 Jan 2017 21:48:


Yosef,

You're making a lot of sense and most rabbi in would agree with you. I don't know any Rov or Talmud Chacham who as a general rule would say people should be on YouTube, addict or not.

However, people here talk about what works for them, often purely in terms of their recovery and not from a religious perspective. Or, they'll even agree with you in principle but think this is what they have to do for themselves.

You sound like for your situation YY are making the absolutely RIGHT decision. (My first post said wrong)

I appreciate your post.
But I don't know what this means:
"You sound like for your situation YY are making the absolutely RIGHT decision."

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 03 Jan 2017 01:08:


Sorry, it's supposed to say you instead of YY but my autocorrect does that in honor of Rabbi YY Rubenstein's number in my contacts.

Yosef,
Couldn't agree more. There is also a problem 
with bitul zman and bitul Torah (usually) and 
the comment section doesn't make it any better. 
If someone wants to listen to Torah lectures 
there are apps and websites that offer you 
just that. 

Even if you don't see porn on youtube there are 
still Many problems with shemirat enayim. Like short
sleeves, shorts, pants, v-neck, tight clothing, etc. These 
might not cause you to be motsi zera but you definitely are 
over on the lav of shemirat enayim.
You can convince yourself that you are not looking at it
directly but if its in the background it still goes into your
subconcious even if you don't stare at it. Every "look" will 
add up until at one point your yetser hara will go berzerke. 

I used to be addicted to youtube and would spend 
most of my day watching youtube. I saw it was 
detrimental to my avodat Hashem both bc of the 
shemirat enayim problems and bc of the bitul zman. 
I said to Hashem that I need to stop and bH I am 
3 months without youtube. I can testify that the fun 
you had with watching videos wasn't real. At the end 
of the day you feel like crap because you spent hours 
watching nothingness (you will almost always click 
on another video) when you know deep down Hashem 
wants more from you. The first day or two afterwards 
it feels different because you are forming a new habit; 
but trust me a week afterwards you will ask yourself what
was in those videos that you couldn't let go of them since 
now you don't even miss them. Listen to lectures and trust
me you will feel more satisfied and the aftertaste will be 
the exact opposite of the feeling you felt from watching youtube. 

Once you have the ratson and the commitment you 
will go great places and reach new heights in your avoda.

18 days clean...chai...life!
Hopefully, the start of something permanent and good.
For life!
--------------------
Fantastic post, EC (unless you want me to call you something else).
How did you succeed at stopping "Cold Turkey"?
I have tried it a few times already, but the pull is so strong
or I am so hooked and weak, that I find myself back on it
watching stuff, wasting time.
I don't even have the full password now, but I still got on,
because I went there for good new Jewish music for Chanuka. 
But then eventually, since youtube was available and on,
I ended up watching some football highlights...etc. etc.
many hours later, many days later, I finally turned it off.
No more ability to see youtube (or any streaming).

What I'm asking for is how to succeed, perhaps based on
how you succeeded at going Cold Turkey.

By the way, I really like the look of your new posts.
They are much easier to read...
and allow me to focus on the content of your message.

Your posts, on the other hand, are very difficult to read.

Firstly, the length, and secondly, what's with the hard breaks after a comma?

Cord, maybe you can focus on the contents of the posts.
I'm reaching out, but many, many times the post is largely ignored.
Helpful, constructive comments, will help me grow and break free.
And is largely why I don't just write in a private journal.

I've taken 10 different steps to grow, but feel that I'm pretty much in 
exactly the same place as I've been in the past, before coming here.

Mark, check your email please.

1. I've tried posting daily, 
2. the 90-day chart, 
3. reading the 20 steps gye book, which I printed out.
4. reading the attitudes book, which I printed out. 
5. I've tried emailing several people, 
6. emailing a support buddy/coach/sponsor (even trying a few different ones). 
7. I've talked at length on the phone 3 times to Dov. 
8. I talked to someone who set me up with someone to meet. 
9. I met him, a success story from gye...and talked at length with him in person.
10. I called a Rov and asked him advice, opening up about the problem
11. and I've listened to many shiurim on the topic from Rav Shafier and Rav Feurman

But I'm not past this by a longshot. Just recently, I was up too late at night watching
stupidity on youtube. I want to break free.
But, honestly, I don't know if any of this is helping. Perhaps it is.
I still seem to be in exactly the same place I was before I started posting...
I haven't made it more than 2 months clean in a very long time.
The time I waste on the computer hasn't really changed...though that it will
(that's at least the plan).

I've rubbed some people the wrong way on the forum,
and have felt quite frustrated on my thread, which is often not so uplifting or supportive.
I need some friendly encouragement and understanding from people who are also dealing with this.
If I wasn't so stubborn, and if I didn't think and hope that once I get to 90 days clean,
people will be able to read my thread and gain from it,
I would leave the forum...or would have left already.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote:

You clever guy - you wrote to me in the last line of your posts

Cos I often read only the first and last line of posts that are longer than 3 sentences

I got your email brother, but didn't see any question so I didn't answer any, also I'm not the most responsive fellow - my wife suffers from it too 

3 sentences? Ok I'm done

By the way 10 steps are awesome, but may not reduce lust at all. 
I think there were Helpful, constructive comments at the beginning of this thread

KOT!

Yosef: There is no magic pill that will make you stop lusting. You have been doing these behaviors for how many years? And you expect them to just go away in a month? ODAAT, brother. Progress not perfection.

But I don't see or feel any progress.