so then, this will be my first day trying to keep sober for 90 days. I don't belief I can do it,... on my own I always failed again after a while. In a group I felt too much pressure that "you're only good if you stay sober". So now I try more unanimous internet. The same unanimous tool that shapes my addiction. If I can do 3 days I will a notice a friend about what I am trying with GYE help. 

Welcome to gye

It's great to see your commitment to being clean. Gye is a great place to get chizzuk and some good advice.

Are you doing anything other than just stopping? 
I mean something along the lines of filters and gedarim etc.

Hatzlacha in your journey and keep us updated!

Welcome!

You're not good if you're sober

You're good if you're on the recovery road. There can be falls on the way, but the guardyoureyes Trucking highway with the real gye tools (not fabrications) is a secure road to success, so Keep on Trucking!!!

I did a filter on my internet so I can't be on at evening and the night.
I will pray with a friend about it
And I will read GYE updates daily for inspiration.
Than I want to share on posts, just every day and when I find it hard.
That is as far as I get now. 
I will do one day at at time

I think "thank you" but I must try in staying my first days sober, so I commit myself here. These you should do more, work harder... always make me feel guilty terribly. So yes, after my first day, it should be recovery too as I read in the NEwsmailing today. 

On my third day, okay!. Try to read a psalm every morning and evening. Much comfort about being near to G'd and the enemies that want to tackle me down (my lust with all its deceivers.
Went to bed early last night because my internet was down (as a result of GYE advice). 
Hard thing is all the chicks outside with these tight shirts; it is warm weather in NL.They seem my ultimate friends. But it is a deception. God help me

Maybe move to the AL, then you can use a DH

AL = ?

DH ?

Bad baseball joke. Forget it. Sorry.

On my 5th day and getting heavier,
I need to remember that of course "these women" jump into my eye so strong that I can feel the acting out already. It is a safe haven for me, that what it looks like. But as the GYE mail told, these women are humans, and the 'enchantment' will fall as you come close. And: they are not mine: they are G'd beauties. I pray for them and try to calm my head, but it is not easy. I look away, look, look away, look, feel disturbed, pray. But AaaH, it is so against myself! Why can I not just stop doing this? I woke up this morning with m*sturB in my head.. Well now, I'll just start the day

Keep up the good work so far.

Don't beat yourself up over having thoughts and struggles. Accepting my struggles and intrusive thoughts is something that helps me a lot. It makes it easier to steer my thoughts in others directions. Gently trying to change my focus works better than fighting and getting upset about the thoughts.

KOT!

Mazel Tov MARK Z at reaching 90. I know..it is only a number...but a good number.
You know the gematria of 90 is Tzaddik!!!

I fell twice this weekend, the pressure in my body was high, the second day I had a few drinks. I am so attached to these other ways of fleeing from my inner life. It's become such a physical need too. Aah ..

As we say here, FSKOT! (fell shmell keep on trucking)

Did you learn anything from the fall?

So much later and I was giving up so much, but it is no use giving up trying to be sober. I totally failed but ignoring GYE is definitely not the way. I hate te name i chose here on the forum. It is actually of Bert and Ernie (zipje and zopje) but I totally mis-knew the english other word, and found out later. I cannot change it, bah. 
But here I am then with all my shame and failure, with the one option that I have: being inspired by others and keep on resetting my mind to a new way of understanding my addiction and trying to reach 90 days without it. Starting again today. Who knows..