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TOPIC: Just started!! 14873 Views

Just started!! 21 Jul 2016 15:02 #292407

  • willandtonya
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For the first time, I have installed a filter on my computer. I tested it out last night, and such a peace came over me when it wouldn't allow me to visit sites I would often subject myself to. I'm giving the password to my wife today so I can't change the settings. This is a big step for me, and I can't feel anymore encouraged than to have this resource (along with the filter). Baruch Hashem!!!!

Re: Just started!! 21 Jul 2016 15:12 #292410

  • willandtonya
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I also just started back up with my diary, via the opening pages of Windows to the Soul. Seeing the gentlemen speak of the encouragement to do so, encouraged me to. I have read about the importance of this within Mussar, and often have desired to. This, lust, is my first character trait I want to put on the middle path.

Re: Just started!! 22 Jul 2016 18:50 #292506

  • inastruggle
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KUTGW! and keep us updated

Re: Just started!! 24 Jul 2016 04:40 #292536

  • willandtonya
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Here I am, going on day 3. My wife is so excited about my sincerity in desiring to subject myself to Hashem rather than my yetzer hara in the use of my eyes. When I gave her the password after putting the filter on our computer, she told me how good that made her feel and how proud she was of me. 

We went to eat and I found myself looking at the table the whole time when me and my wife weren't talking. But I also realized that maybe I should focus on her rather than not trying to look at other women. It helped. I explained to her how difficult it was, and she told me she knew it was (though not in an experiential sense). But I know it is making her feel better about herself. She is very self conscious because of things she was called as a child and that she has stretch marks from child birth (which is the biggest culprit of the issue). I try to tell her they do not affect the way I feel about her, but as I am sure many here know, that won't do anything if she feels you are looking at other women. To her that means she isn't attractive to you. That hurts me.

I have finished day 3 in Windows to Your Soul. But something on day 2 really hit home with me (and may Hashem cement this in my mind). The writer says of his quote of Rambam that "the Rambam is warning that promiscuity begins with the gazing at women who are forbidden to you." The part of promiscuity beginning with gazing on a women I have known from the teachings of my Rabbi, but the words Rambam used that smacked me in the face was "forbidden to you." My thought was, "that's deep." I never considered it to be looking at something forbidden. It reminds me of what happened concerning a certain tree and its fruit. Though it may look good and taste sweet, it won't end well. So, though it may not be the best way, looking at it in that way, (that they are forbidden to me) it makes resistance even more possible for me (though I know without Hashem's help I would never be able to). 

I can see already, in this short time, that she is starting to feel the way a wife should feel, special apart from all other women. And it feels to good to sleep knowing you have not offended Hashem and have kept yourself pure for His sake. 

Re: Just started!! 24 Jul 2016 15:39 #292560

  • inastruggle
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It's great that it's going well.

I just want to give you a heads up. Many people who join gye find that at first it's really easy and as the initial excitement wears off it gets harder. Then the real work starts and soon it gets easier again this time due to hard work instead of the newness.

I'm not trying to discourage you at all I just want to incoulate you against a possible disappointment. In the meantime KUTGW and KOT!

Re: Just started!! 24 Jul 2016 15:49 #292562

  • willandtonya
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Oooohhhh! I know. It just feels good to see it is possible. This group is something I have sought out for over a decade. You are awesome, and thank you for your concern. I pray your journey is successful.

Re: Just started!! 25 Jul 2016 01:58 #292579

  • willandtonya
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I went to the beach today with my family (we live on the coast of NC). I wasn't very enthusiastic about it, but my wife needed help with the kids (were teaching them how to swim). On the trip there I was continually asking Hashem to strengthen me to resist any temptation to look at what would certainly lead to lustful thoughts. We left early, so there weren't but a few people there yet, all of the older, so no problems. But as the morning continued, the population increased. The challenge began. Though a few times I happened to see women in bikinis, I didn't take the double take!!! Baruch Hashem!!! Me and my sons had a fantastic time, and the youngest (who happens to be the adventurous one) started to swim. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be (this time anyway). There was even a time when I saw out of the corner of my eyes two females walking down the beach. I didn't really see enough to know what they looked like, but I kept my back to them and as they passed by I turned so they stayed behind me. About that time my wife said, because apparently it was good I didn't look, "OK, it's time to go." Then we had to take the walk through the population. I was a little worried, but I kept my eyes down, and pressed on. Next thing I know, nothing but sand and cars.

I know things will become more challenging as time goes, but I also know that the more I starve this lust that it will eventually be satiated. Thanks to everyone for your encouragement. May Hashem strengthen you on your journey to triumph!!!!!

Re: Just started!! 25 Jul 2016 03:12 #292583

  • Markz
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Oh so that's who it was... guy swimming in the WW ocean with a gartel

When I take the family to the beach we go really early and leave by 8am

Going to a beach midday with ones eyes closed may still not be the way of the righteous (כיון דאיכא הרבה דרכא אחרינא למצא אופני נופש בהכשר)
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Re: Just started!! 26 Jul 2016 01:48 #292679

  • willandtonya
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Well, today was a fairly easy day. I spent most of it working around the house and homeschooling my sons. The filter has been a big deterrent from internet porn and things of that nature. So it hasn't been much of a struggle as of yet, though there have been slight tinges to take a gander.

I realized today that watching tv and movies (with very few exceptions such as docu.'s) is not a wise idea. So I have begun to deal with that as well.

Just being able to share in this way, even if no one is reading, is a great benefit to me. It allows me to talk to myself about my issues and encourage myself (apart from what I read about others stories). I am so thankful for everyone here who is willing to open themselves up to those of us travelling in a similar boat and for those who allow us to share our struggles and successes.

Though I have started the 90 day chart, I have concluded that, though that is a goal, today is my ultimate goal. Hashem may see fit I not be around to make it to 90 days. I can look back at past successes, but today is what matters. 

May Hashem grant us the strength to be victorious over our yetzer hara today!!!!

Re: Just started!! 26 Jul 2016 19:59 #292738

  • Bigmoish
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willandtonya wrote on 26 Jul 2016 01:48:
Just being able to share in this way, even if no one is reading, is a great benefit to me. 

Hey! What are we, chopped liver?
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!
Last Edit: 26 Jul 2016 19:59 by Bigmoish.

Re: Just started!! 26 Jul 2016 20:12 #292739

  • willandtonya
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Heck no!!! This site would not exist had it not been for each of you. I am very grateful for everyone who has allowed this resource to exist. That you and others take the time to read what I have shared of myself means a great deal to me. So, thank you. You are awesome!!!

Re: Just started!! 27 Jul 2016 02:37 #292754

  • willandtonya
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I know its early in the fight, but me finally being resolute about shmiras einayim, has helped immensely in the lustful desires I would have and the draw to watch porn and masturbate.

I take my kids to a karate class on Tues. and Thurs. As we walked into the class today (I am training myself to look down in places I know females will be), I saw two tan legs and heard a women's voice. Instead of my normal quick glance to see what they belonged to looked like, I looked away. It felt great!!! Other than that though, I haven't faced any other challenges. 

It seems, though I may fall, I never really mentally accepted that it was a greater problem than it was. Hashem has, and I know will, provide the strength to break the addictive habit of viewing porn. But I know that outside of that, in the public, I must continue to heed the laws of shmirat einayim. Baruch Hashem!!!!

Last Edit: 27 Jul 2016 02:38 by willandtonya. Reason: punctiation

Re: Just started!! 27 Jul 2016 02:40 #292755

  • Markz
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Was that the gye Karate class?
Cos there's a guy here that has like a woman's voice but I don't know if he's tan.

And btw your "Edit reason: punctiation" may require editing
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story
Last Edit: 27 Jul 2016 02:43 by Markz.

Re: Just started!! 27 Jul 2016 02:45 #292756

  • willandtonya
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Of course it was. Where else would I go?

Re: Just started!! 28 Jul 2016 02:52 #292831

  • willandtonya
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Today was a little more challenging than it has been to this point. Yet, still I resisted the second take and fantasizing. I never thought the grocery store would be the challenge it was, but, baruch Hashem, it was conquered. I went in with prayer. It helped having my wife and kids with me as well.

Tomorrow's a new day, so may Hashem give all of us the assistance we need!!!! Be strong in the power of His might everyone!!!

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