markz wrote on 24 Feb 2016 03:26:

Thanks Markz. Loneliness for me was both a cause and an opportunity. Feeling disconnected from my wife has always fed my desires. But I suppose this is not true loneliness, as although she is away I don't feel disconnected at all. Our relationship B"H is growing stronger.  It was much worse if she simply went bed upset with me. 
 

I'm around and you have my number. You can do great!

Baruch Hashem it was an uneventful night. Thank you all! 

ONAAT

Strange feeling. I'm 2 days away from 90 and I'm losing steam. I've been kind of out of it for a week or so, not participating on the forums much either (although I read almost every day). And today I went to a shul Hachnasas Sefer Torah and of course all the women were there, many dressed in their finest and I felt myself lusting like I haven't done in a while. Although for the most part I kept my eyes down, I still felt like I was lusting more than I have been. What's wrong with me? 

Been very recently in the state you're describing.

Sounds pretty clear like a situation where you could be doing some more "actions" to bring back the focus. Call a friend, read, write your reasons for wanting to be clean, get on a call, write some posts......

Especially approaching the 90, there can be a sub-conscious relaxation of the guard as you near the goal that you had set. Like you can coast over the finish line with your foot off the gas. It's time to set the next goal, now. I know that is what was messing with me lately, no goal.

Either way, Good Luck Chaver.

We are all rooting for you

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote on 29 Feb 2016 06:24:


Nothing's wrong with you. I remember when I worked like a beast for months for a huge semicha test and when it was done, I was as depressed as I ever remember being.

When we have a goal, the downside of that is that when it's done, it's done and without another goal, we don't have much motivation.

So, you can make yourself another goal. But what I find more helpful but much harder is making the process the goal. You really say it in your signature- your goal is to take it as it comes.

Just get right back into it- nothing happened!

I relate. I also have found that when I neared a milestone I would get anxious and start to lust.

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote:

Our Maker made our eyes to enjoy beauty, we need to remind Him, we know the test is the beauty of wisdom, over the beauty of strangers.  A new step for me, for a few years I have been developing, I will get to know the husband, father, grandfather of the beautiful woman, and when in the gate I will seek to honor the whole family for the beauty our Maker put in the wife, or daughter. All lust shall find a replacement of honor for family, and husband, if possible lust is there, I will not  relate to the woman, it does not matter if she thinks I am a snob.  A kind deed such as a dinner for the family,  through husband or father but it must be that I remain unknown, if the husband is ?ing, I love to do deeds quietly, he gets to serve his family with extra blessing. Praise can go One who gave family, the key lesson family is Shema important.  The wick candle is burn up, a kindness is done, if accepted, and I turned lustin the ALMIGHTY into a kindness to lift up that family, and I altered the sacrifice through a unknown kind deed to family because of beauty in family.

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote on 29 Feb 2016 06:24:

Nothing's wrong with you. I find that lust hits me in waves. I can be lust-free for a while and then it hits me again, sometimes out of nowhere.

Whatever you're doing seems to be working for you, so keep at it. Especially now you're around 90 days there may a temptation to relax and take it easy. I did just that and relapsed. I discovered that 90 days is not a destination, it's just another point on the journey. Well done and keep doing what works.

Bechasdei Hashem I have reached day 90. Wow! What a journey this has been so far. It seems like it wasn't so long ago when I was still struggling terribly every day with out-of-control lust. I can't believe I've been clean for 3 months. It feels so liberating! 
I want to give special thanks to GYE and all the wonderful people who have supported me along the way, both on the forums and in person. 

I realize that this is only the 1st stop on a life long journey. But having 90 days under my belt definitely proves to me that it can be done and bez"H I will use this as a boost to go even further. 
I'm also well aware that plenty of people fall after 90 days, and even after months or a year, so I cannot let my guard down. 
Therefore, l'kavod the 90 days I have installed the VCF filter on my phone today. I hope this will count as my "pischo shel machat". 
I will continue bez"H to make myself part of this wonderful community and I wish everyone continued Hatzlacha on their respective journeys! 

Mazel Tov!! As they say, halevay vaiter! 

Mazel Tov Ben Torah!

Please keep posting! I notice alot of people take a break at 90. But besides what everyone who has been there keeps saying [watson l'mashal] that you have to be careful not to treat 90 as the end of the road, but also --- we need you. When people who have accomplished so much keep posting thoughts, advice etc. it gives chizuk to someone like me who only has a few days. mazal & bracha!

Mazel Tov! I applaud your attitude. 

...And the MAJOR Accomplishment!!!