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enough is enough!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: enough is enough! 14713 Views

Re: enough is enough! 12 Mar 2018 02:49 #328130

  • i-man
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 11 Mar 2018 12:27:
Great post. But what got you to 200 days?

 Sorry Im getting there i want to think things through before i write it out  .

Re: enough is enough! 29 Apr 2018 04:14 #330408

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So one shabbos during last summer I see an advertisement in the paper for a discussion about porn addiction in our community on Headlines radio, so I tune in motzai shabbos and listen  I believe he interviews yakov, as i hear him talk about how many people have been helped I decide I must give it another try as I owe it to my wife and kids... 
I dont remember clearly how I pulled it off( Im not sure how that happened Im young my memory should be working properly...) 
I put a lot of focus in  putting my lot in Hashems hands along with alot of tefilah - kind ofstep 2 and 3 , as well as reading the forums and finally starting to write on them .
I still dont understand how I was able to end a nearly 15 year cycle .. but its working so far ,
yes i do struggle and I constantly think about how i can  continue to strengthen myself and what I can change - reading the forums is a big part of it reading about other guys struggles and things they do great for ideas.
looking back I wish I would have paid attention and started calling people that sounds like a powerful tool which could have helped me when I first joined GYE oh well no point in regretting ..

Re: enough is enough! 29 Apr 2018 04:19 #330409

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podcast.headlinesbook.com/e/81717-dealing-with-internet-addiction/

this is the above mentioned show featuring gye

Re: enough is enough! 23 May 2018 03:40 #331248

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As I wrote above I am doing very well - however , only relatively so  , I have been feeling more sex obsessed of late particularly when my wife is off limits , at which point im white knuckling more than im livin(g) life , to me this is stupid , very stupid , I need to be more on point.
I think its time to try out the accountability calls even for two weeks even if it helps a little
that would be amazing..

Re: enough is enough! 23 May 2018 22:35 #331275

  • Hashem Help Me
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Having a helping hand when the wife is off limits is very wise. It helped me get to where i am bh. A good chaver can help alot more than anyone realizes.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: enough is enough! 25 May 2018 06:10 #331338

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So tonight I was in a bad place and came close to crashing&burning , when I ran to a dark room and started crying to Hashem - to please save me, I am sick and I cannot do it without Him  ect ect ect ...and BH Im back on dry land (though I still must take the previously mentioned step ) and honestly i feel extremely gratified right now - i should think about that -how i feel when i masterbate vs when i dont...

Re: enough is enough! 25 May 2018 07:52 #331340

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Thank you for your honesty! Keep strong!!
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: enough is enough! 01 Jun 2018 05:30 #331622

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Yesterday  I went to a quiet little nature preserve near work and took a walk, spent time Thinking clearly , talking to Hashem , and ...to myself,  Hisbodedus ? Cheshbon Hanefesh ? self reflection ? all of them ? Either way it was very beneficial and im currently in a better place than I have been for the last week and a half . 
I went again today looking toward the future - what strategies should I employ to live like Im livin"...

Re: enough is enough! 18 Jun 2018 03:31 #332340

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I just fell .... ending a 10 month streak...
ironically i was just last night telling people that im in a very good place - But the truth is I am in a good place ...surprisingly so,  im feeling pretty good  that i just did something incredible - close to a year !  im incredibly gratefull to Hashem for giving me the abilty to accomplish this ,im ready to get the ball rolling again , if anything this was a major wakeup call  that i need to change how i go about things , how i deal with my sex  obsession/addiction ,how to stop doing thngs that could lead to a fall , i have already been in contact with some of the wonderful people  here working out  a plan going forward where i will iyH be able to really take control  .

thanks to all of you out there for the chizuk and companionship its really incredible.

Re: enough is enough! 18 Jun 2018 04:06 #332344

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i-man wrote on 18 Jun 2018 03:31:
I just fell .... ending a 10 month streak...
ironically i was just last night telling people that im in a very good place - But the truth is I am in a good place ...surprisingly so,  im feeling pretty good  that i just did something incredible - close to a year !  im incredibly gratefull to Hashem for giving me the abilty to accomplish this ,im ready to get the ball rolling again , if anything this was a major wakeup call  that i need to change how i go about things , how i deal with my sex  obsession/addiction ,how to stop doing thngs that could lead to a fall , i have already been in contact with some of the wonderful people  here working out  a plan going forward where i will iyH be able to really take control  .

thanks to all of you out there for the chizuk and companionship its really incredible.

Thank YOU for being part of the crew

I'm sorry to hear the latest news. It's not fun. I've been there, and done that (falling after an extended streak)

Your honesty is a great tool that will get you places, so just Keep on Trucking, cos you're on a good path!!
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Re: enough is enough! 18 Jun 2018 04:12 #332345

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It is good to hear that you are back on the bandwagon.
I've been reading a book lately from Rabbi A.J. Twerski, titled "Addictive Thinking: Understanding Self-Deception". Just today I read a chapter which is relevant to what you mentioned. I hope the Rabbi doesn't mind if I quote the text here.

Addictive Thinking and Relapse

  A recurrence of addictive thinking often precedes relapse into drinking or use of other chemicals. Distorted thinking can also follow relapse as a person attempts to return to a Twelve Step program.

  Growth in Recovery

  Because recovery is a growth process, relapse is an interruption of that growth. But relapse does not mean going back to square one. Yet almost without exception, that is what the relapser is likely to think. After two years or twelve years of recovery, a person who relapses may feel back at rock bottom. This conclusion is mistaken, however, and can negatively affect recovery from a relapse. Many people who relapse think, What’s the use? I’ve tried and it doesn’t work. I might as well give up the fight.

The problem is, they are beginning with a conclusion rather than looking at the facts of their situation: the progress they’ve made, the skills they’ve learned, the rewards of recovery. Instead, the person who has relapsed wishes to continue the use of chemicals. The ideas of futility and de-spair are nothing but typical addictive thinking, the purpose of which is to promote continued use of chemicals. The correct conclusion, as the following story illustrates, is that relapse doesn’t wipe out the gains recovering addicts have made to that point.

  Slippery Spots

  One winter day I had a package to mail at the post office. My car battery was dead, and I had to walk eight blocks to the post office. I tried to watch for slippery spots on the sidewalk, but, in spite of my caution, I slipped and fell hard. While I fortunately did not break any bones, I did feel a jolting pain.

I may or may not have uttered a few expletives at the person who should have shoveled the sidewalk more thoroughly. But I knew that whether I fell because of the deceptive appearance of the sidewalk or my negligence, I was not going to get to the post office unless I got up and walked, pain and all.

As I limped on, I was even more alert for possible slippery spots that might bring about another fall.

In spite of my painful fall, I was two blocks closer to my destination than when I had started. The fall did not erase the progress I had made.

This is how we can view relapse. Regardless of its pain, relapse is not a regression back to square one. The progress made up to the point of the relapse can’t be denied. An addict who relapses must start from that point and, as with the icy slip, be even more alert to those things that can cause relapse.

  Relapse of Thinking

  A shrewd observer, whether therapist or sponsor, may detect a recurrence of addictive thinking that is likely to result in relapse. If this is corrected, relapse may be forestalled. For example, a recovering person who begins exhibiting signs of impatience has likely slipped back into the addict’s concept of time. Someone who claims not to need as many meetings because she is now in control is probably back into omnipotence. Someone wallowing in remorse may be regressing into shame. Someone who reverts to rationalizing or projecting blame, or who becomes unusually sensitive to other people’s behavior, may be experiencing the hypersensitivity or self-righteousness of the addict. Becoming morose or pessimistic can signal the depression or the morbid expectations characteristic of addictive thinking.

Any recurrence of what we have come to recognize as addictive thinking may be a prelude to relapse. Prompt detection of the relapse into addictive thinking and reinstitution of healthy thinking may help the addict avoid the chemical relapse.

My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: enough is enough! 18 Jun 2018 04:33 #332346

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Celebrate those ten months! They are yours forever. Now, get up and shake off the dust, and get going. You fell into a ditch on the trail up the mountain. You did not fall off the slopes. We are here to cheer you along.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: enough is enough! 18 Jun 2018 04:45 #332347

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Why did you choose to masturbate? Was there some especially challenging situation that was too much to handle? Is your commitment still the same?

All the best.

Re: enough is enough! 20 Jun 2018 03:29 #332458

  • i-man
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Great news ! 

I picked up the phone and called someone , it was not easy ,I tried to put it off ,until I just turned off my brain and jumped right in , usually when you keep hearing about how great something is you end up let down  ( like porn&sex...) , not so with this  It was  very satisfying and even empowering , iyH i will now place a call every day and be accountable about certain things, so although I just fell , and now my wife just became assur to me ,and its hot enough that the beach is everywhere - I am in the game and a step closer to being free.

thank you

Re: enough is enough! 21 Jun 2018 04:02 #332513

  • i-man
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Hello

so today I still found it difficult to call but I got over it because I understand that this is a very important step for me ,( and by the way its unbelievable how people make themselves available to talk and give chizuk -you know people get paid big bucks to do this  such chesed - that in itself is mechazek me.)  
It seems that the yetzer horah doesnt like what im doing -today I was bombarded with beautiful women everywhere my head turned all day im telling myself NO SECOND LOOK  Boruch Hashem I am Aok
I think this accountability thing is so far a big help and i have to be careful not to let me thoughts of " not so important everyday " and  "im really okay without it" etc , stop me.

thanks
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