my story is under the name Donewithit. I used it last year told my story and fell out of using gye. Mainly because it was too hard to be on w/o my wife finding out. But a lot has happened In a year(part of which I forgot my password for Donewithit). my wife is on board with me now I've read ALOT about lust addiction. Mainly thanks to the gye handbook. I actually began to see a addiction specialist. Who is really helping me out. Between the reading up on gye,my therapist and doves phone conferences I'm getting a pretty good picture on how to ride a dragon. One day at a time.

Here is the link. guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/230082-Who-can-relate%21

Hop on board!

That dragons banging its head against the wall crying! I could hear from here! You're so right about us all cheering you on... Keep on posting and keep up the great work!

Just read your first post under the original username... Just wanted to say your one heck of a guy. I wish I would've spoken to my rebeim but never had the courage...and I wish I could say that I never gave up... While knights may not be able to slay every dragon that they face, they are admired and revered for attacking any enemy no matter how big... And you're def a knight in my book.(Love the dragon pic btw)

Wow. Belated welcome back, DWI/TMN88. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote including everyone thinking you're amazing, the shaking, not wanting your wife to find out (and being relieved when she did!).
Please continue to share with us how you learn to ride the dragon.
KODR

sounds like you're on your way. Welcome back!

I can tell this times diff. somthin up for the good. I'm so scared of going through the " getting up after a fall" process. I don't wanna go on a comp just to pay some bills. I HATE that pain. I NEVER EVER wanna feel it again.

Ok, still feelin good, stilI clean! Who hoo!!! Go me!

I had this thought while cleaning my car. I was in middle of vacuuming and I was taking out a car seat I started thinking....do I really wanna take off the cover(of the car seat) and see what's there? Il just stick the vacuum in and swish it around. And I thought then " well how will I know if it's really clean?" And I thought "well it's probably clean". So I take off the cover and realize it's so dirty that it's stuck to the car seat. I need real scrubbing to clean this! Not a vacuum!! That gentleman, may be the issue here. Do we REALLY wanna open up the door to ourselves and see what's really goin on in there? We may say " well it's probably not so bad." Only to open the door and realize we're using the wrong tools to live our lives and solve our problems. I believe I opened the door to myself this week.(my wife had the key
L'chaim to opening the real doors to ourselves
To the real tools for life
To my wife
To us

I have an iPod touch that's filtered up the wazoo. When I try to chat on this sight it says something about the administration and it blocks it. Anyone know anything about this and how I can get the chat to work?

they are workin' on it.

My thoughts on one month: honestly I'm not sure what's going on. The past month has been easy. A lil too easy if you ask me. Maybe it's because now that my wife is in the know that's such a relief for me. Or maybe it's the therapy helping me identify the underlying problem with me. One thing I have realized is that talking it out it detail with my wife has helped me a lot! Emphasis on the detail part. It never really unburdened me unless I related ALL the details. But if anyone can tell me if this happened to them(that it was really easy when they got proactive), that would be great.

Thank you all for your support. It honestly really helps.
And thank you GYE people who ever you are behind the scenes. Tzaddikim Nistarim.

"Thank you all for your support. It honestly really helps."

And honesty really helps!

That you are in he open with your wife, is for sure a big part of the reason! But your right, not to get complacent!

Congrats and Hatzlacha!

So a couple of nights ago I had this talk with my wife about love without lust I was tellin her what my therapist said about it how SA says an addict has used and abused the privilege to lust for his wife. So we talked about it for a while, then it hit me, I've read about it, but I felt it that night. I was gripped with this fear, a realization that if I continue like this I will never experience that forbidden ecstasy again. I literally got sick to the stomach. I was pacing the floor like a mad man. My wife kept asking if I'm ok. I didn't know what to do. I thought a lot about my resolve to do this. I kept telling myself about all the pain that comes along with that pleasure. Thought a lot about my wife and kids(Hashem should bench them). After about half an hour I calmed down. Whew!
Well thanks for listening. Il try and post more about me. It helps.

Thank you!