The whole Tachlis question is always difficult for me to grasp because we don't know if it's just a tikkun we need or something greater that we are supposed to do.
In this case though it's actually easier to grasp: if by giving in to the urge I'm literally destroying myself and possibly the lives of those I love, it destroyed any chance I have of fulfilling my Tachlis no matter what it may be.

K- let's call it a hechsher tachlis or a tachlis I guess it doesn't really matter.
But one thing is for certain, working on a program of recovery is the right thing to do. It feels good to do the right thing and no longer be handicapped - so lets just do it.
I was thinking that one of the reasons for feeling a geshmak for sobriety is not that I accomplished something. Rather, HKB"H, the king of kings decided to intercede and help me. He is who he is( we can't even fathom) and I am only me. Yet he decided to help little ole me.
Isn't that truly exciting?

Hechsher Tachlis. Nice.

Your absolutely correct! To go into every day with a goal, even if it's a shev vi'al taser type, and to serve Him with it is just awesome.

By the way how do you feel about defining yourself as an addict, maybe after going through the yeshiva system I'm a little sensitive to labels, but I am apprehensive about labeling myself.

Maybe check out the "GYE in a nutshell-initial evaluation" link from the menu bar. See what resonates with you.
Much hatzlacha

Don't like it.

Let's discuss what is important here. We each must develop a personal program if you will, to help ourselves. We dare not be naive and underestimate the beast within.However, we also must have a good sense of ourselves. I used to laugh at people who would call those who pick up garbage sanitation men - they are garbage men. I laugh no longer. the people who pick up garbage know full well what they do for a living - but why not give them some dignity and call them by a name that refers to them helping society than the items they deal with.
Labels do make a difference.
I am taking my situation very very seriously. I need not claim I am a "sick" individual to make me more serious about recovery.
Another person may need such a term. It lends itself to a sense of perhaps - "not my fault" I am sick -I have a disease. or they need it, to take their own situation seriously.
I understand that the current thought in addiction is not what I am saying. The professionals all call it a "disease". I humbly predict that in a few years they will change that. but who knows? In the meantime I humbly follow their lead, advice and direction will the sole exception of giving myself and others a label.
You know how many kids in school almost give up because they are told they have "ADHD"
In my day you were called an absent-minded professor. Why not tell them they are wired with a special challenge and help give them the tools to succeed.
Same thing here.
Just one man with one opinion.

Kol hakavod and welcome, hastirastir!!

I can totally relate to some of what you wrote. I am married 4 yrs b"h and have been struggling with this for a lot longer. For the first few days after i joined GYE, I think I cried every time I came on. I also felt like this is my "big life struggle" and my tachlis and I was utterly failing. Wow, i felt like such a failure and so miserable and worthless. But then, for the first time in a long time, I felt a legitimate ray of hope. I was very skeptical (and still am slightly ) because i had tried so many different things so many times before (including a therapist!)(actually 2 therapists!! ) and none of them worked. But this has been a whole different experience. I hope (and believe that i can!) actually deal with this successfully now!

Just as an aside, after i joined, i was flying high and thought i won already! Well, after about a week and a half, i had a fall, and I got really mad and thought that this isnt going to work either and the whole thing wasn't worth it was stupid and hopeless and a waste of time. But I have come to realize that every day is its own struggle and even if I have had several falls, I also have had many victories. It makes it much easier to deal with a fall (if chas v'sholom I have..) and also helps me stay upbeat and not feeling like a miserable failure. Dont know if this means anything to you but just thought I'd share.

Anyway, Hatzlacha and hope to see you around!!

Hi All,

I haven't been around in a week and it's nice to be back.

AS I continue the journey and now that I am over a week clean I am beginning to notice a few things and I would like all of your input.

1: If I am indeed an addict where are the withdrawal symptoms? The urges that I get are no different than the old ones, I am not saying that I am being complacent about my battle, its that I would like to have a better understanding of the enemy.

2: Maybe this is an answer to #1 but I notice sexual innuendo everywhere. I'm not sure if I am noticing it more now that I'm in the fight for cleanliness, or if it is part of my withdrawal. I also have heard about how guys think about sex every -- seconds and perhaps that is all it is. I'm not sure and just a bit confused.

Welcome back!

Great news!

KOT one moment/hour/day at a time.

Continued hatzlachah

hastirastir wrote:
I'm not sure that everyone gets withdrawal symptoms. I was able to stay clean, sometimes for a few weeks or months, but I always came back, and kept getting worse. I did not have withdrawal symptoms. I think some people that act out daily may get symptoms becuase they rely on it regularly.


hastirastir wrote:
I think it is a pretty common occurance. When you are tuned in, you don't notice it as much. Once you try and tune out, you notice it all over. I remember when I stopped watching TV, and then after a while a TV happened to be on somewhere, I couldn't beleive how bad it was. It was only afer distance that I became sensitised again.

ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה

Avos 1:17

This principal, which is fundamental to Judaism, is the cornerstone of sobriety.

Hatzlacha!

hastirastir wrote:


Nice to have you back!

I do remember that when I first started to really stop, I also seemed to see sex everywhere. I would feel stimulated by things that never seemed like anything to me before. It was actually really weird and confusing to me. Interesting to know that I am not the only one!

9 days! Keep it up! And thanks for sharing!

Hello GYEers,

I haven't had much time to post recently but Baruch Hashem I am now 17 days clean!! CHAI Chai Pizza Pie Tomorrow! (assuming of course that I steer till then).

I am trying to understand why it's all working out so far, and I think despite having a clear game plan going in it seems like one has developed naturally. I think that because of the posting and reading that I have been doing it has given me the ability to admit the issue and now it is on my mind at all times.

I used to smoke and I remember when I quit tobacco the nagging and shakes that I used to get whenever I had to fight the urge to smoke.

This is totally different; I don't have a little voice telling me to give in to any urges, it's more of a voice telling me "don't go online now, nobody is home and you know whats going to happen".
I wouldn't call it constant vigilance, it's more like an awareness of what I want to accomplish. It used to be that a kabbalah not to masturbate was like a kabbalah not to speak anymore loshon horah: sincere but a little naive.
Now the goal seems realistic, not because I don't think that I will never fall again, but because even if I do, at least I know where the battle is taking place and I can just rejoin the fight.

Glad to hear! Don't think too much, just do it! It is the compassion of Hashem, not you!

Hatzlacha!