It is great to call your self a non-looker. But what will happen when you hit crisis mode again. When you don't have a head for learning or are having a lull in your yiras shamayim. Will everything fall away with that also? Will you decide that week that once again you are a yes-looker?
I am a shomer shabbos. In all the hard times that I went through, I never came to be mechallel shabbos.
I am a ben-torah. through all my ups and downs and stressfull situations I never forgot who was at the core and that allowed me to eventually get back to the beis medrash.
But I am not a non-looker. I go through long periods that I don't look but when my life starts to spiral out of control I start to look again.
I want to be a non-looker. I strive to be a non-looker. I daven to become a non-looker but to be honest with who I am right now, I must say that I am a yes-looker that is able to control myself most of the time.
I have become very honest with myself in many areas of my life over the last few weeks. I have come to realize that by being really honest with who I am, I am less hard on myself and am better able to appreciate my growth.
For example, if I was a non-looker in my mind and occasionally I looked, I would get down on myself for the few times that I would look over the course of a few days. But if I acknowledge that I am a looker, I can be proud of my growth that 90% of the time I didn't look and can keep striving for the 100% besimcha.
Just some thoughts.

Everybody should do what works for them or what they think and hope might work. And I think you are right that it would be self defeating self deception to call myself a non looker the same way I call myself a shomer shabbos. But I'm just suggesting an attitude to use when in the nisoyon situation. If I can get myself to feel at such a time that those things there on the street are things that I just don't look at it's helpful because it takes away the feeling that this is a fight and makes it more simple and natural. But in general to deceive myself, I agree with you that it isn't a good idea.

Well said.

To claim oneself is a non-looker is helpful but only if the understanding is there that the classification is not total by any means. It really is mostly wishful thinking. A status that I truly want grow into. Now I challenge myself to live up to that. Unanumun makes a strong argument. However if we keep our self-image in the proper perspective I think calling oneself a non-looker can be beneficial. If I fail in some way at this point
I then don't get depressed but rather say to myself this does not suit who I am or want to be.

I find that this seems to work for me. It's as though I could just ignore what's out there and not be looking and yet without feeling that I'm in a heavy war with the y'h. I can't describe it exactly but it's like an attitude and a feeling that I have that I don't have to be struggling with this but I can just not look. I should be smug though and Truly I'm not. I'm just sharing what might be helpful to some, but really I know that it is all rachmei shomayim whenever I emerge clean. May hashem comtinue to help us all al devar kevod shemo.

Serenity- I just have to share this with you and all our chaverim. Yesterday I was sitting with a friend of mine. This is a guy I respect a lot who is always looking to better himself. He has no idea that I am on GYE and that I am struggling with our issue here. He just tells me out of nowhere how important shemiras eynayim are and he himself is working on it. He goes on to say that he read in a sefer that one should work on training oneself not to look around and be curious. This is even for things which are mutar. If we do this then this attitude will spill over and we won't have roaming eyes.
Hashem is always sending us messages- I just need to be more aware.

TY!

My intelligent and experienced friends.

I have a question. After a person falls.How is it best for him to view all the days that he was sober before the fall? It seems to me that even though he fell - his days that he was sober -remain badges of honor.
What are your thoughts?

Agreed. The important thing is to learn from the experience and understand how to avoid that situation in the future.

First of all we don't need to fall. I was at an SA meeting tonight and a man, who happened to be non-Jewish, was celebrating 9 years. There are plenty of people with way more sobriety than that. That being said, you are 100% correct to focus on the positive. Focusing on negativity and failure never did anything good for me. This is what I like to say about it: We work hard for every day of sobriety. None of them are easy and even we aren't necessarily struggling with lust every day, we are or should be working our program. So sobriety is a lot of work. When we fail, zero effort goes into that. So why would we focus on the one day that required no work on our part and dismiss 30, 50, 100 etc days of hard work. Of-course we should be proud of those days!

Thank you

Just picking you brain so I can learn.

9 years huh?
You know when I read how some participants are sober for multiple years and are still working a serious program- including going to SA meetings I am so impressed. I gotta long way to go to reach so many years but I would imagine - that in their place it is so easy to have a false sense of security and just chuck the system and say to yourself I've graduated. so see ya!

Was this a practical question or merely theoretical?
If practical, then the answer is like Big Moish said. Those clean days will always be with you, and learn from them. They will be with you in the future - in recovery and for reward.
If theoretical, what's the point?

b'hatzlachah

Sure

Thank G-d it is theoretical.
I am trying to educate myself with the whole way a recovering addict should understand the nature of this beast. Remember we are not only practically applying everything for our own struggles. We are also there for others whose situation may not be quite the same as our own.
Thank you for your reply.

For others...talk about your experiences.
Stay away from the thinkin' stuff...at least in the beginnin'.

My two cents.

b'hatzlachah

I enjoyed reading some of my old posts on this thread. Can't believe I such an am haretz just a few months ago? guess you live and learn especially on this forum.

I was upset today. I went to the bank and "that" teller was there.
This time the ATM machine was not enough and a live teller was necessary.
Well, having to look straight at an attractive teller - who is by no means following our laws of tznius - until the banking deal was over - can be challenging.

I should have done better than I did