Great to hear. KOMT!!

How's your son doing?

He's much better! Thanks so much for asking!

You rock! Such gevura! It's a chizzuk for me to read. KOMT

Yesterday was an interesting day, I'm not completely sure how to process it, although I have an idea.

My family and I went to a JCC type place near me, and they had a swimming pool. At one point I was holding the baby and watching my oldest, a 4 year old walk back toward the pool. He wasn't careful, and as he was walking he missed the ledge and fell into the pool. I was holding the baby with one hand and looking into the pool with the other, trying to bend down and get him. It was only 3-4 ft, but my son isn't that tall and he was panicking and I'm sure not breathing. I can still see his hands flailing up and down as I was bending down with the baby trying to grab my son. I finally looked up at the lifeguard who was just looking at me and I said to him, sternly, "I need you to get him" because I didn't know what to do with the baby.

He jumped in and got my son out of the pool. My son was crying a lot, he wanted to go home, and eventually I was able to calm him down and even get him excited about swimming again (on another day).

The whole episode was pretty dramatic and scary, especially in light of all of this. Hashem was totally there with me, He saved him, I have no doubt of that. My only doubts lie with my reaction, maybe I should have put down the baby or jumped into the pool with the baby or maybe I did the right thing. Everything seems to be ok, but I doubt myself and my ability to do the right thing and I have these doubts because of my many years of doing the wrong thing over and over again in this.

This will not derail me, I just feel a little shaken but thank Hashem for His kindness.

Have a great day!

Thank God!
It is very easy to second guess, but considerin' the circumstances, you did very well!
B"H!
Onward!

What is truly the right thing to do? Do we know? Can we really know? I think the right thing to do is to use our faculties with the intention to do good. For instance, you intend to save a child who fell in to the pool. Go ahead and do it with the judgement and capabilities which hashem has given you. We don't create ourselves. Hashem creates us and our job is to do what we think is good by utilizing hashem creation as it is. The outcome is also only in the hands of hashem. לא עליך המלאכה לגמור ואי אתה בן חורין ליבטל ממנה

You have done that. Actually your attempt to save the child was successful. You did the right thing and hashem gave your actions success.

The fact that a person erred in the 'Shemiras Einayim' area of life does not show that he doesn't have good judgment in other areas. These mistakes (when we look where we aren't supposed to) were not done with intention to do good. They were clearly wrong. But when you act with the best most well meaning intention (like you did in the pool situation), that is certainly doing the right thing, and we commend you for it, and we are extremely proud of you.

The lifeguard was just looking, and you're asking yourself if YOU did the right thing? Anyway, I'm glad that things worked out in the end.

I'm in awe of your self-control.

Yea, i also was wondering why the lifeguard was just standing there. I mean, isn't that why he's there? To save people?! But, you definitely did the right thing. Don't sweat it, and don't keep rethinking it. You're an awesome father and i only have the greatest respect for you.

Thank you again for your kind words. Onward and upward

Whats going on Moshe?

I hope all is ok with you and with your son.

Keep us posted.

Thank you for giving me the push to post something. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I finally have a few moments.

I've had an up and down time through it all. My son is still sick, and he's been sick off and on during this time. In terms of the great work to be done, I still have not opened up any email accounts, I still have not spent one moment searching for anything. This is my longest "clean" streak in a long time. I'm almost amazed. I know it's made me and my wife closer, for sure.

At the same time I still feel the crushing of life, the bills, the pressure, the stretching, and I'm working on and on to make sure that it doesn't come crashing down on me and that I don't act out. I wrote out a long thing just now about how life is hard for me right now but I deleted it because the truth is Hashem is about to send me the things I need. Security. Money. He wants me to lend and not borrow. He wants me to be a blessing to others. He wants me to able to help people because I have that gift inside of me and I know, I have utter faith and confidence in Hashem that He is going to bring me the security and money and everything I need to make it happen. I believe it's what He wants. And only Hashem can make it happen.

I am, I will be a victor and not a victim and Hashem will make it happen. Thank you Hashem for giving me the strength, the optimism, the finances the resources I need to be a light for others in this world.

Thanks for pushing me to write, and thanks for reading.

Thanks for the share.
Constant postin' is beneficial.
Refuah shleimah for your son.
Perhaps download the handbook or other books on the home page here.

b'hatzlachah

Hi Moshe, I'm glad I opened and read this thread. You're giving me a lot of chizuk. I completely empathize with you and I relate to everything you're saying. You can email me at gomu2serenity@gmail.com if you want.

Hatzlacha! Yaakov

hi moshe
the concept of blaming oneself for something thats in the past, is pointless in any case
but here the right thing was clearly to chuck that lifeguard in the water
you might blame yourself for not giving that lifeguard a real shouting at
what we should do with anything thats in the past, is to take lessons for the future
if we are drowning and seeking desperately for help, we should shout on the top of out lungs to our lifeguard to our dad
"hashem please save my life from drowning"

In a weird way, I'm starting to encounter heavy resistance from the YH, not to incite me to lust, per se, but to try to derail me and get me negative.

Last week I went to a dinner honoring a good friend of mine. At that dinner were many of my peers, and these people are people who have and are accomplishing lots in their lives, people I grew up with. As I was sitting there, I looked at my own life and started to become a little depressed that I'm not where I want to be in life, financially, physically, in this. I'm not close to where it is I'd like to be, and I started getting depressed.

But then I told myself that those negative thoughts are just the YH trying to get me negative so that I will act out again. The truth is things ARE getting better. The truth is I am feeling better and moving in the right direction. And I shouldn't let dumb, negative thoughts convince me otherwise. I might not be where I want to be, but I'm moving, I'm getting there.

Similarly, yesterday I was driving and a truck hit my car and sideswiped my door, where I was driving. My car still drives but it looks terrible. It's something that could have gotten me down but for some reason it didn't. I just know that one of two things are true, or both. 1. Either the YH is working viciously to try to bring me down so that I will get depressed and act out again OR 2. Hashem is doing these things for my own benefit (kaparah? testing me?) in some way. I'm not sure how because I'm totally embarrassed driving this car and it's old enough where I'm not sure the repairs warrant what I will pay for them. But that's besides the point. I do feel like I'm under attack (I've had many small, some big, mostly small) things bombard me the last months or so, especially since I've stopped acting out like I was, and if I can just hold on I know that Hashem is standing on the other side, with His arms wide open ready to give me the biggest hug and the biggest success imaginable. Success where I will lend and not borrow. Success where I can be inspiration to others and live my life in a way that is a true example. Hashem is waiting for me, if I can just get through all of this, I'm ready to feel His true kindness, warmth, rewards, victory.

Hope all is well with you.