Today is the second day of my 90 days. I'm not sure where this will take me, but I know that I can't live this way any longer. I've done many bad things, upsetting things, things that I would never think I would do. Let's say I've paid for things, many times, that I should not have.

For the last couple of days my newborn son has been very ill. And I believe it's a sign from Hashem to tell me to change my ways. I'm afraid, but I know that all things are true through Hashem and that He will show me the way.

First of all welcome sit down take off your coat and jacket and have a cup of tea.

Second your son should have a refuah shelaymah bekarove

And third, you've done the first step of posting, part of posting is to get chizuk, you need chizuk on the challenges you face. Therefore Inorder to give proper chizuk we need to know your challenges what your flavor of lust is. The earlier you open up and the more detailed you are the easier it is to give chizuk.



WELCOME HOME

Welcome!

Its a great step, come in and make yourself comfortable, the guy's here are very understanding and helpful and mainly non-judgmental, we are all in the same boat, feel free to tell us your story at your own discretion, everyone is willing to help.

Refuah Shleimah for your child!

Be'Hatzlacha

Welcome,

youre in a good group; among friends.

refuah shleimah

b'hatzlachah

Welcome! Stick around. Keep posting.

Check out some of the links in my signature.

Welcome!
Refuah Shleima to your son.
Very impressive of you to try to see the yad Hashem. We don't, however, know the cheshbonos of Hashem, so if it motivates you, kol hakovod, but if not, don't let it get you down in any way.

השלך על ד' יהבך. We here are mespalel with you for the refua shelaimah of your son and that hashem should show you the way to your recovery. You are taking the right steps here. Connect yourself with the chaverim of these forums here and this will with hashem's help be a great help for you to have the chizuk to be matzliach in your recovery.

Many thanks to all of you and your kind words. It's amazing what it's like to be feel like you're not alone in this.

My son is still sick - we were going to have a Shabbos meal this weekend but we canceled today because he is not feeling well.

My story is quite nuts, and my battle has felt more like a war than anything else. Rav Dessler talks a lot about the "nikud hamilchama" depending where on the battlefield you are. Unfortunately I'm starting from (now, I didn't originally start from here) a place of paying numerous prostitutes for sex, a place of cheating on my wife regularly with other married women, of going online, joining sites that have not only sapped my time, but my livelihood and soul as well. Even the first woman I was with, (yes it was before I got married) was a married woman. She was 37 and I was 23. I've been doing this so long.

My goal for this 90 day journey is to stop the searching. Stop the searching for woman friends, stop the searching for prostitutes, stop using dating websites, stop the madness for 90 days. Hopefully at the end of these 90 days I can keep it going and finally become the person Hashem has been wanting me to be so desperately. The person I want me to be. I may not know who that is, but I appreciate all of your help getting me there.

R'fuah Sh'leimah to your son...and to you! You CAN, IY"H, do this. If you fall, you get up RIGHT AWAY...any feeling of discouragement is simply BS from the yeitzer ha-ra, which has already hurt you so much...quite apart from your son's health, since most of your suffering happened before his birth.

Please keep posting. Thank you for inspiring me and probably everybody else. Kol tuv.

moshereuven wrote:


We learn here and in the steps that we are NOT at war with the YH, we can't fight him he is way stronger, so what is the solution, WE SURRENDER THE FIGHT TO HASHEM, let him take over the war, we tend to him for we are powerless in all, only HE can remove the obstacles and the desires, we pray to him for our sanity and clarity and for all other things too.

You are in the right place and doing the right thing opening up, we all feel your pain and suffering, continue READING and posting, Hashem should lead you in the right path, with right program geared for your soul.

Refuah Shleimah for your Son, Have a wonderful Shabbat.

moshereuven wrote:


Welcome!

Perhaps the most common piece of advice on GYE is - take it one day at a time. 90 days is a nice goal to strive for, but to get there, we need to focus on 'today'. It is easier to deal with when you don't overwhelm yourself with a seemingly impossible target.

Daven to Hashem every day that He help you for 'today'. And BE"H you should keep on doing it - for 90 days and beyond.

Hatzlacha - Try to do your best and Hashem will do the rest.

MT

To echo what Mt (my fellow Zaide) said:

you have been thru a lot.
you are goin' thru tonz.
Let's not bite off too much.
90 days are good for some people.
for you, I don't know.
Let's try for today, for now.
Tell God that you are here and you are ready.
You know that you can't do it; you have tried before.
He could, however.
Focus on the now!
I'm not even gonna advise on what to do when a test comes your way, for that is thinkin' too far ahead.
Right now, tell Him that you are here and ready.

b'hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote:


In Hebrew, that's "Hineini!"

Thank you all again for your kind words. I definitely understand the take it one day at a time mantra. If I can be honest with you, my 90 days is not going to be the same as everyone else's 90 days. My 90 days has a specific goal in mind, no sex or searching for sex (online or anywhere else) with anyone other than my wife. That doesn't include some things that I'm sure other people here are struggling with. I have to be honest in that I'm not totally ready for the "some things" yet, I have to walk before I can run. Each step is hard (especially during the weekdays, weekends are easier) but I'm taking all of your advice, one day at a time.

Thanks again for your kind words. My journey is still continuing and I appreciate your guidance.

It's time for a brief check-in at the 9 day mark.

I have to say that this process has been fun, crazy, amazing, painful, every emotion I can think of all in one. I feel closer to Hashem than I have in years. It's not because I'm davening so well, in fact I'm not davening well at all. But it's in the in-between moments that have made all the difference.

Last night, as I was leaving from where I was, I got into my car and slammed the door on my fingers. I was in such pain. But amazingly, I kept on saying, "thank you Hashem, thank you Hashem, I know you're doing this for my good, thank you Hashem, please help me learn the lesson of this, whatever it might me, thank you Hashem."

I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. It was as if someone else was talking, but it was me. And it went away. And I felt amazing last night.

This morning has been harder. The wife and I have not been intimate in a while and it's been super hard for me, and today, this morning I was rejected. Esp since my dreams have had a racy nature to them. But the rejection was really hard for me. I realize that I don't even ask as much as I used to because I get rejected so much. So today I worry that I will fall. But I'm trying to say to myself, thank you Hashem. It's harder, and honestly I'm just hoping to get through this day to shabbos when the prospect of falling is much less for me, but I'm pushing through. I keep on saying to myself that I was rejected so that hopefully the next time it will be that much better. I'm trying Hashem. May He give me strength. Because I really do love the feeling of being clean, I finally feel like there is hope in my life again and that things are going to be ok. Please help me Hashem.

Have a great shabbos.