To all my new friends at GYE
I am so happy and enthusiastic towards this journey... A voyage I wanted to make for so long and did not have the courage and means to begin!
OK, so ... 1 day.
1 day with GYE. Its nothing. Negligible. And yet, I feel elated and good and really renewed.
I know the struggle will be long and painful, and might have ups and downs. But I am now determined to put all the wining cards in my hand!
I joined GYE and WebChaver... I started to talk with my wife... I post here on the forums...
I even joined a NinJitsu training group ... all members of which (including the Master) are Hassidim Yirey Shamayim! It felt great!

I post mainly for myself.. my story is so common I dont believe it will interest anyone. But I write! I share! I am.... finally.

I have now a webaddress to use when I feel lonely or under pressure... Just as before... but the webaddress now is guardyoureyes.com and not all these porn sites I visited so many times.

Everyone on board! the train is leaving the station...

Ben

Welcome again,

Every story, although there are connomalities, is different. No two are alike. Even if they are, sharin' with each other is part of the program, and perhaps, the most crucial part. Now, when we are anonymous posters, it works a bit, but it even works better when we open up to a chaver, a mentor, a fellow meetin' goer. I am not advocatin' that at this time, for I don't know your history as well, but one thing I could say w/o a doubt: Sharin' your story will help you immensely.

b'hatzlachah

Welcome! Glad you're here and looking forward to reading your posts!

WELCOME!

Check out the GYE Handbook and Skep's tips

Welcome!
Don't worry too much about the train. As long as you're working on recovering, you'll be on it.

WELCOME! We usually truck here, but maybe you are on to something new, we never tried riding the train here .

Either way, truck or train, keep on posting away!

Thanks to all the wonderful people here at GYE who replied to my post.
I am amazed and much strengthened by these marks of sympathy and support.

I will follow your suggestion and share my story...

For now, I would like to use this thread to share with all of you my day to day progress.
Today, I found a source a strength by inspiration from a wonderful and exceptional person, my son.
My third son is now in his 7th month of participation in the very prestigious fighters pilots course of the Israeli Air Force. It is an achievement I am very proud of and admirative.
The course is three years long and every day is another challenge to be overcome. I am very inspired in the way he approaches this period, one day at a time, and succeeds.
I will try to do the same to achieve the goal I set to myself...

Finally, I heard for the first time a wonderful song by Yshay Ribo which seemed to have written for me!

Here are the words:
הניסיון הזה
ישי ריבו
מילים ולחן: ישי ריבו

הניסיון הזה הוא לא פשוט כזה
הוא רק נראה תמים נחת עלי אימים
הניסיון הזה עדיין לא מרפה
זקוק לקצת עזרה לקצת הרבה רחמים
קלות הראש הזאת עלתה לי לא פחות
עכשיו אני אובד דרכים אובד עצות
ואין לי פתחון פה ולא פתרון ל
מודה בפה מלא

-אז תן לי יד הושט לי יד
כי אני לא יכול עם זה יותר לבד
אנא אלי שמע קולי

ותן לי את הדעת להבין הכל
כי רק אתה יכול לתת לי את הדעת
לשנות ולשפר ולתקן

Ben

Good Morning Friends,
SO, its Friday morning, and I just came back from Shaharit with a joy filled heart.
I am still clean since Monday when I started the program... Well, 4 days... nothing to write home about... But the feeling is completely different. In the past I had to really struggle to get this far and today it seems easy and natural. Thanks to this forum and to GYE.
I think that the fact I have someone and something to turn to when I have these free times and not just fall back into old habits makes all the difference.
My tefila was also completely different.
During Shmona Essre, I understood the words in a new and refreshing way, a kind of perush that related all the berakhot to my current conditions. I know I should have prayed for Klal Israel, but today, I felt I had to really address Hashem for myself, sharing with Him my aspirations and taking strength from the Tefila. Every Berakha, from magen Avraham to Sim Shalom resonated in my heart with implications on the fight I am undertaking.
As mentioned before, the Yetser Hara was apparently completly surprised by the new weapons I am using (this forum, the 90 days chart, the WebChaver,...) and just disappeared from the battlefield ... for now.
As a former officer in a combat unit of the IDF, I know that this time is used by the enemy to reorganize and to re-think his strategy and tactics... I am sure the Yetser will come back and try again... So I will continue and push forward, I shall not rest until complete victory can be announced... probably a long time from now.
But I have strong allies: all the wonderful people here at GYE, and my wife and family...

OK, I have to run for Shabbat preparations...

Shabbat Shalom to all... together we will prevail!

Ben

It should be b'hatzlachah, but if you think the y"h or whatever it is disappeared, you are not in the IDF. They know that the enemy is always lurkin'. Lust has been around longer than you, and if you ain't prepared, it will bite you when you least expect it to. That is why a constructive program is necessary beforehand.

b'hatzlachah

Thanks Cordnay for your reply. If you re-read my post (dont feel compeled to do so) you will see that this is exactly what I write. This is why I am myself continuously preparing myself for the next battle.
Thanks for the Hizuk.

Ben

One day at a time!

benhadash wrote:


I reread it.
thanks.
I still have similar comments, but will remain quiet...for the moment.

b'hatzlachah to you

I find what you wrote so inspiring. I quit without GYE for about 13 months, then fell back in, then joined GYE. Although I am nowhere near as knowledgeable about Yiddishkeit as I need to be, I also find a change in my davvening.

B'hatzlachah to you!

Hello All,
One week clean.
This is a kind of milestone since its the longest streak I achieved without GYE.
I had a rough time yesterday with some real urge to go for "it", a physical sensation in the guts... I read the daily hizuk mail and went for a walk... the cold weather we have here was a good counselor.
I also am keeping these days the booklet of נתיבות שלום on שובבי"ם. A very handy reading for everyday and on times of stress.

Its good to be here and feel understood.

Thanks to all readers and repliers!

Ben