And EAGLES! (Is it an eagle?) and LITTLE BLUE BIRDIES too!

I guess I should post about my crazy dreams more often, seeing as they inspire more debate than than whether it's "the Yetzer Hora" or "lust."

(Was that too shameless of a way to drag cordnoy in here?)

Bigmoish, it seems I already hijacked your thread, you don't want cordnoy to hijack it as well!

Okay, enough about the land of make believe, time to reclaim my soapbox throne.
I am the king and tyrant in this thread, after all.

My wife told me tonight that we are going to my inlaws for a meal on Shabbos.

Hashem Yeracheim.

When we went last, I bentched as soon as dessert came out, and told my wife I was exhausted so I could escape under the pretense of going home to lie down. She didn't show up at home until 4 hours later, meaning, had I stayed, I would have spent all that time either staring at my SIL or fantasizing about her. HELP

Cordnoy doesn't hijack threads; he talks to the points stated.
It seems that it's kedai to mention again the 'livin' in the moment' concept or 'ODAAT.'
Obviously, the best advice for you while you are in recovery mode is to avoid your s.i.l. altogether (that is not a long term solution, for there will always be triggers in life; but at least....in the beginnin'); however, for this Shabbos, it is not an option.
that bein' said, I would surrender and accept that in your present state, you cannot manage the entire Shabbos with her, but.....the entire Shabbos is not your department....your issue at hand (if you are in front of her now) is now (meanin' if it is not now, you should not be concerned about her...read the whitebook for reinforcement); at the Shabbos table, you will begin to get triggered...at that moment...focus on that moment alone (not the next thirty minutes or next course). You, together with God (if you so choose to use Him) can persevere.

Hatzlachah on that moment

Thanks. Really needed that. Wish me luck...

Motza'ei Shabbos update:
On the way to my inlaws, my wife casually mentioned that SIL was away for shabbos.
I still have to work on myself, but that helped a lot.

Survey: Does this mean:
a) Hashem felt I could not handle the nisoyon and felt I did enough hishtadlus so He made it easier for me? OR
b) nothing at all can be inferred from this outcome.

As a mere mortal who does not attempt to understand the workings of the higher spheres, I lean heavily towards b), and try to simply continue working on improving my less-than-desirable character traits.
I am, however, interested in hearing if anyone thinks otherwise.

Less thinking, more doing.

I lean more towards the latter, but that is the apikorsus in me.
Many would say the former, but they might say it slightly different than you.

b'hatzlachah

if i may say,
there seems to be a complex for a lot of people, when it comes to the "bashert" component. they want to get excited about something that seems very bashert- but they want to be well-grounded at the same time.

my humble understanding.
something ends up b"h in a good way, after effort was put in can be understood that it may have 1) a certain reward for the effort 2) rachamim from Hashem. etc..
we are allowed to infer as much as we want, in order to get a chizzuk for the future.
this does not mean that we know THE why of Hashems doing, because the workings of heavens are infinitely complicated and beyond us, and it isn't for us to know even one chesbone behind even one thing.
nevertheless, we are allowed to take any kind of good lesson from what happened, as long as we admit we don't have definite knowledge- just our own feelings on the issue- it is fine.
for example, you can take a chizzuk that Hashem saved you from temptation, and you can take a small ammount of pride (v'yigbah liboi b'darchei Hashem)
that it may have to do with your effort, or that it would have been too big of a nisoyoin to have, but at the same time, tell yourself, that you can't really know,
the point is to try and use everything that happens to us for a positive experience.

Thanks for the deep thoughts lavi (and the simple ones, cordnoy).

dms - I know you are correct, but I have a bad tendency to overthink things.

Having a hard time controlling my eyes lately (as if they act on their own).
Went to the zoo today and the animals are more tznua than the visitors.
But I think I am starting to get a little used to the mindset of doing things just for my wife without any expectation of reciprocation. It sounds easy; it's more difficult to do it and really feel that way.

Progress, not perfection!!

Look at sifsei kohen al hatorah this week, where he explains that a person has to change slowly for it to be a permanent change. Dramatic changes usually don't last.

Although with regards to some of our struggles, it might only work if there is a dramatic change.
Nibblin' at the sides might not help too much.
A lot depends on the issue at hand.

Yes, but that too only works if I make those drastic changes for only one day at a time, THUS they are slow small changes.

Changes in actions need to be made dramatically. But changes in attitudes and feelings stick better when they come slowly.