Welcome, Guest
GYE
Forum for Jewish Men
On the Way to 90-Days

MISGABER? or perhaps not yet.....
(0 viewing) 
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
Reply Topic
New Topic

TOPIC: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 37979 Views

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 09 May 2014 02:49 #231397

  • dd
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • כל זמן שהנשמה בקרבי מודה אני לפניך
  • Posts: 879
  • Karma: 42
cordnoy wrote:
It generally doesn't go away. Perhaps it's a depressin' thought, but it might be the only way you can truly "win" it.

b'hatzlachah


why do you say it might be the only way we can win?

what happened to the one day at a time method?

just trying to get this straight so please explain,

kol tuv!!!!!111

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 09 May 2014 03:04 #231398

  • kilochalu
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 335
  • Karma: 20
cordnoy wrote:

Many of us have come to the realization that this is a fight like no other. There will be no spoils and booty left on the battlefield when the guns stop shootin', and that is because they never will stop; this is with us for life. Yes, when that struggle hits we wanna be the victor, but that is winnin' that particular fight. Acceptance and Surrender means to some extent understandin', realizin' and acceptin' that this is the way we will be. We need to learn the tools of battle.

Everyone on this site, and I think I mean everyone says that they are still strugglin' with it...after 90 days, half a year, one year, three years and even thirteen. It generally doesn't go away. Perhaps it's a depressin' thought, but it might be the only way you can truly "win" it.

b'hatzlachah



halevay everyone here should know this but I just heard from a vosik vechosid here that he thinks he is over it and doesn't need any help anymore

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 09 May 2014 03:51 #231402

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
dd wrote:
cordnoy wrote:
It generally doesn't go away. Perhaps it's a depressin' thought, but it might be the only way you can truly "win" it.

b'hatzlachah


why do you say it might be the only way we can win?

what happened to the one day at a time method?

just trying to get this straight so please explain,

kol tuv!!!!!111


of course "one day at a time," but that is together with the knowledge that we are in it for the long haul.
It (that it will be with us forever) should not be something that is constantly on our mind, but we should not think that we bested it, for then it will (perhaps) bite you in the rear.

b'hatzlachah

[it's just my opinion....I might be wrong....if I didn't clarify let me know please.]
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 09 May 2014 03:56 #231403

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
kilochalu wrote:
cordnoy wrote:

Many of us have come to the realization that this is a fight like no other. There will be no spoils and booty left on the battlefield when the guns stop shootin', and that is because they never will stop; this is with us for life.

Everyone on this site, and I think I mean everyone says that they are still strugglin' with it...after 90 days, half a year, one year, three years and even thirteen. It generally doesn't go away. Perhaps it's a depressin' thought, but it might be the only way you can truly "win" it.

b'hatzlachah



halevay everyone here should know this but I just heard from a vosik vechosid here that he thinks he is over it and doesn't need any help anymore


I think I wrote "many."
Perhaps he is.
Let's be mispallel that he is over it.

b'hatzlachah

[again, just my opinion.....]
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 11 May 2014 04:10 #231494

  • kilochalu
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 335
  • Karma: 20
you also wrote everyone is still strugglin' .
Maybe also daven that he should realize if he's not.

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 11 May 2014 22:05 #231525

  • misgaber41
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 68
  • Karma: 8
Hi guys! Shabbos was BH great I enjoyed every minute of it, and interesting enough, the more productive the week is, the less time I spent lusting away, my Shabbosos, family, kid and friends are just that much more enjoyable!! so no wonder that after a few weeks of BH doing what I know I should always be doing, am I finally able to enjoy a bit what I really love the most!!!

I had a chat with Pidaini this morning about that let me share:


ME: how is the battle for sobriety coming along?

PIDAINI: no battle,

ME: huh??
PIDAINI: if it's a battle, it's not sobriety

ME: aha

PIDAINI: sorry
that wasn't my type


ME: you are 100% right


Something is hidden for guests. Please log in or register to see it.


PIDAINI: gevaldig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ME: if hashem gives you a nisoyon deal with it ! daven to him! don't fight with him!
מי כעמך ישראל!!


PIDAINI: yup, but there is the hamon am

and that's what they respond to

it's almost like the 90 day chart

you get them involved, and then teach them the right thing

ME: ha! sure I'm not condemning them for a sec. just bringing out a good thought


PIDAINI:yup yup
i'm agreeing


ME: well the seforim teach us the difference between סור מרע & עשה טוב‎


and there were differences in opinion which 1 should come first

living life I think is עשה טוב‎

PIDAINI: yessir

I think there was jsut a post about that somewhere


ME: but you need to be up to appreciating it

when your down in the dumps

it doesn't mean any thing to you

so like every Yiddish concept you need to know when to aplly which rule


PIDAINI: yessiry

ME: wow I must of done something good today
you are agreeing on everything!


PIDAINI:
I'm doing my chessed for the day


ME:just spoiled it!

PIDAINI: :D LOL
איזהו גיבור הכובש את יצרו
Last Edit: 11 May 2014 22:08 by misgaber41.

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 11 May 2014 22:40 #231530

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
Pidaini: If it's a battle, it's not sobriety.

Not really sure about that one.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 11 May 2014 23:11 #231536

  • Pidaini
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • פדני מעושק אדם-מיצר הרע העושק את הבריות-רש"י
  • Posts: 2189
  • Karma: 107
I am,

that is to say, in my experience it is that way.
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 11 May 2014 23:32 #231541

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
To each his own...that's for sure.

I cannot expect perfection.

There can be some battles here n' there....for me at least.

That is all part of the path to recovery.

But, whatever works for you.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 12 May 2014 19:48 #231579

  • misgaber41
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 68
  • Karma: 8
Ok every body summer is officially here which means that TRIGERS are all over the place!!!

I live 2 blocks away from a public school, I went home this morning from shul between learning and davening @10 to 8 just as the kids were arriving walking "against the current" oh what a reminder of whats ahead of us! So lets go everybody lets brace for impact and start monster trucking!!
איזהו גיבור הכובש את יצרו

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 13 May 2014 02:40 #231613

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
Did you read this?

guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/231387-Warning%21
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 13 May 2014 10:59 #231637

  • shivisi
  • Current streak: 193 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 393
  • Karma: 19
Misgaber41 Wrote: he went and wrote them a letter asking them with whom they are fighting?....!
If Hashem gives you a nisoyon deal with it ! daven to him! don't fight with him!


Pidaini Wrote: If it's a battle, it's not sobriety!.



cordnoy wrote:
Not really sure about that one.



Shivisi Responds:
I think I can make a "pshoro" here. [bo hakosuv hashlishi (hareviee?] veyacria beineihem]

In life's "general" nisyonos [difficulties not related to yetzer hora], Misgaber is right - Don't fight!

With nisyonos which are purely yetzer hora type - there IS a concept of "fighting", of "Battles", this is as is referred to in many many seforim as"MILCHEMES HAYETZER". but the fighter must still always remember and keep in mind that "ilmalei Hakadosh Boruch Hu ozro aino yachol lo!"

When we're dealing with an ADDICTION - an "out of control sickness" - then Pedaini is right, "If it's a battle, it's not sobriety!" for as long as the person thinks that he can still "fight" then he is not sober! the only true sobriety is Submission! saying there is nothing I can do about this except put myself completely in the hands of Hashem, and "follow the road and rules needed to recover".
Last Edit: 13 May 2014 11:04 by shivisi.

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 13 May 2014 18:38 #231666

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
If we cut the philosophy for a moment and focus on the practicalities.

A seductively dressed woman walks down the street and you notice her out of the corner of your eye.
You would like to look again.

Here are some of the options:

1. Look away
2. Daven for her
3. Ask Hashem to remove your desire.
4. Take another look
5. Ignore the situation.
6. Decide that it would be life threatenin' to look and act accordingly.

perhaps there are several others as well.

The fact that one is thinkin' thru the situation indicates that he is tryin' to recover. Based on the decision reached, he may regard himself as sexually sober. This dilemma can be regarded as a fight, battle, crossroad, or even less.

Sexually sober does not mean that he doesn't notice seductive women. Perhaps there will be those who reach that level, but to think that anything less means that you haven't recovered is counterproductive....again IMHO.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 13 May 2014 19:41 #231681

  • TehillimZugger
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • לבד הנשמה הטהורה
  • Posts: 2446
  • Karma: 34
Yes. But in option One, you're not fighting, you have trained yourself to look away instinctively.
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: MISGABER? or perhaps not yet..... 13 May 2014 19:47 #231683

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 12070
  • Karma: 652
If it is instinctive, you are right.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Reply Topic
New Topic
GYE
Forum for Jewish Men
On the Way to 90-Days
Moderators: yechidah, skeptical, the.guard, kedusha, Dov, cordnoy, menachemgye, smartlakewood
Powered by Kunena
Time to create page: 0.76 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes