Imagine a room with a huge elastic band that's firmly attached to the ceiling at one end and the floor at the other. There's no way to dismantle it. Now, if you want to get rid of the elastic band you can try pushing it away. The problem there is that the more you push it the more it pushes back. You can push as hard as you like, fight all day, get chizzuk, learn, daven, stay busy, whatever you want, but that elastic band's not going anywhere. So you keep pushing and you can manage to not get pushed over as long as you can keep up the equal and opposite force, but the second you slip, the elastic band will push you to the ground.

So acceptance is in order here. Accept the elastic band for what it is, and the fact that it's there for good. It's part of the room. Yes it's annoying, but as long as you leave it well alone it won't make you fall.

IMO that's what surrender is. Most people see it as a fight, like a bully's attacking you. So yeah, if you surrender the bully's gonna beat you up. No-one wants that, who would want to surrender?!

I see it more as a debate. Some guy wants to win an argument with me. Nu nu. How about rather than arguing with him, I just say " you know, maybe you're right" and just leave it there. Suddenly surrendering does me no harm and it leaves the other guy stunned. Rather than beat me up, he leaves it there too. No point in carrying on, he's surrendered already!

The y"h looks like the bully, but in reality he's the debater. It looks like surrender will allow him to do whatever he wants and you'll lose permanently. But that is not the case. He's a debater. If you just leave him alone and admit that he's a better debater than you, he'll leave you alone. No point trying to push the point at you, you've already given up. We give it up to win.

Say I'm walking down the street and suddenly a good-looking woman is walking towards me. I can walk past thinking "don't look don't look don't look" and maybe I won't. Once. Twice. Three times. But how many times? Not enough. Instead I can notice the woman, notice the urge to look and think "yeah, I have urges. I am an addict, I have urges and I have a desire to look. Doesn't mean I need to look. I can't push this elastic bank away, I won't fight it, I won't try to get rid of the urges. Please Hashem help me to not look at this woman." Suddenly it doesn't seem so difficult.

"Ki ani Hashem elokecho machazik yeminecho, ho'omer lecho al tiroh ani azarticho"
"For I Hashem your G-d am holding your right hand, saying don't be scared, I'll help you"