What were the steps leading up to the falls?

For me, there's a certain point before the actual fall when falling becomes inevitable, so my mistake isn't in falling itself, but in allowing myself to get to that point.

What have you learned?

LEARNING wrote:


LEARNING wrote:


LEARNING wrote:


LEARNING wrote:



and you write now again

LEARNING wrote:


Dude, holy brother,

WHAT IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME?

What will be different this time:
1) I have made an additional taphsic method in rider to prevent falls, and give myself some time to realize how big of a mistake falling is. The method: I may not use any device that gives me internet access in a place where no one can see me at that time, or if they walk in. If I do this, I must write a 500 word paragraph explaining why I did such a dumb thing.

2) Davening: I am concentrating better and better each time I pray. In Shemone Esrei, I try to relate each bracha with my struggle.

3) Schedule. I will be more organized. If I know what I will be doing and where all the time, it will be a lot harder to fall into a slippery situation.

Learning,

First off I have to say the fear of having to write 500 words would scare me straight, so good choice.

I want to point out something that Pidaini was getting into. In reading the quotes he put up, I see many "I"'s in there. You have to do your hishtadlus, but you also have to get some help. I got that help only when I asked Hashem for it because I finally realized that I was not enough. I had been trying for over 10 years to stop, and I was failing miserably. I couldn't go 2 weeks clean.

Taphsics are nice, filters are nice, but they all mean nothing if you aren't asking Him for help. I am not even talking about getting His help to be sober, that is the next level, now you need His help just to be clean for today. Without it, you don't stand a chance.

I see your posts and I want to cry for you. You are struggling and trying but you keep falling. What does that tell you?

(Please don't take this post the wrong way, I say it out of love only, because I was once where you are)

Eli

Perhaps together with finding God (for that to some people can be somewhat insincere), you might need to open up to someone....someone real (and obviously, someone you can trust). The admission to that person and the honesty of your situation goes a long way. Speaking it out (sometimes even to oneself) can penetrate deep into one's heart and mind. Whatever method you choose, it should be b'hatzlachah.

That mixture (MBJ and cordnoy) sounds like a recipe for success!!!

MBJ is right on target that that is where it all ends up, sincerely asking Hashem for help.

But I relate very much to what cordnoy said, I personally wouldn't have found the true Hashem without opening up first (or it would have been much more painful and taken much longer).

MBJ-great point. Think of how Yaakov Avinu confronted Esau-Hishtadlus and Tefilah-one without the other is an effort that is doomed to failure.

The point MBJ really brought out well was where we put the emphasis, as we all knew that we "need" both tefilah and Hishtadlus.

As nitzotz told me the other day. He was trying to get something, and he worked hard for it, but it came through a totally unexpected way. He told me "I was really disappointed, I wanted it to come directly from the hishtadlus that I did. My needs are met, but my ego is not yet satisfied!!!"

How much do we trust and rely on our hishtadlus (davka) to work and how much do we rely on Hashem that He will give us what we need?

LEARNING wrote:

Hi Learning,

May HaShem be with you in your sincere efforts.

Just to share one thing I learnt from Dov regarding the above,is that our obsession with the "struggle" is sometimes as much part of the addiction as the acting-out.

Both the Shem MiShmeuel and Maharl as well as many other Baalei Machshavah emphasize than man is a Holech, as opposed to a Maaalach, who is 100% stationery. Unless one works on elevating oneself kin every area of Avodas HaShem, you will find yourself falling down simply because one cannot and should never rely on where you were 10-30 years ago on any aspect of Avodas HaShem. To the contrary, such a path the Nevi Yishayu described as Mitzvos Anashim Mlumada.

Ok guys. I’m going to try my best to give over my feelings and what I am going through to you. I really appreciate and need your help. You are my family, and this is a form of me opening up to you. I just fell, and if you remember, I said that I will write out 500 words describing why and how etc., if I fell accessed a screen that was not viewable by another person. So I failed, and this is my 500 word paragraph. You don’t need to read the whole thing. This just helps me get back up and get my thoughts out to someone. I fell for multiple reasons. Firstly, I need to believe in myself. This goes along with what MBJ was saying. I know deep down that I cannot do this on my own. I need Hashem. I also need this forum. I have not been doing a good job of staying on top of that either. I rarely post, and when I do it’s usually to tell the world that I fell! I am going to post before using a computer every day bli neder. I fell partly because I watched a movie last night with a couple friends. I didn’t really resist but I know I should have. I could have read a book in a different room or something, but I gave in and thought that I could get away with it. Anyways, I woke up this morning thinking that I was fine. The movie was in the past right? Of course all the dumb things I saw were fresh in my mind. So I get home from school today, and I just know that I’m going to fall. I did not really resist the fall, and this is probably because I have just gotten used to the fact that I fall, and I get back up; life moves on. I need to internalize that with every fall, I will have a harder time next time I get attacked, which I know is going to happen. Another thing that I realized is that almost all of my falls occur during the weekend i.e. Friday, motzei Shabbat, and Sunday. The week is just too hectic and busy Baruch Hashem. I don’t even have time to fall! If I could just lock down on those three days, my falling rate will go way down. If anyone has any suggestions of changes I could make or advice etc., please share. Lastly, I feel that I am lazy. Not just in regards of taking care of my habits to make sure I don’t fall, but also in other areas. I need to raise the urgency and seriousness of my situation. I think it’s safe to call this a reason I was put on earth. Being so, I must give my full effort. I know someone who always says, “Sloppiness in one area leads to sloppiness in another area.” Therefore I need to make the effort to fix up my habits in general with Hashem’s help. Just in case you’ve been counting this is word 521.

It's time to open up.

This can not be done by ourselves, if you haven't noticed, willpower itself is just no where near strong enough.

Get on the phone, call Dov, call gibbor120, they won't know who you are, you don't know who they are. But open up, stop staying in your own head!! It's the same head that got you into this mess is the first place, what makes you think that that same head wants to, and is going to help you get out of it?!?!?!?!

Nothing is going to change if you just try the same things over and over again, it won't!! look at your past, your very recent past!!! DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, SOMETHING YOU HAVEN'T TRIED, and something that has helped undreds if not thousands of others.

Dude, brother, friend

OPEN UP!!!!!

THx bro,

I will bezrat Hashem work on opening up to someone. Thank God I am still clean. However I am kind of scared for the future. Today is Friday. On Sunday I know that I will be home alone. Hopefully, Hashem will plant a battle plan in my mind by then. My defenses currently are either to go to shul instead of staying home, and/or that I won't use any technology in my home. I need to go outside. Any advice?

From experience I could definately say don't stay at home, for if you are at home with devices which could lead to falling (I don't remember if you answered this, but are your devices filtered?) thenwhat's going to stop you from using those devices? the same thing that was supposed to stop you from watching porn all those times?


As for the opening up, what do you need to work on?

LEARNING wrote:

There is only one way to "work on it"




JUST DO IT!