I am sorry that i didn#t post for some time. in this circustance it is a good Thing as i am still clean .. 18 days.
i have been using the Computer less and therefore didn#t have a proper opurtunity to update.
thank u ahavas Hashem for your Input.
i can#t say that my thoughts have been lust free, but visually i have been.
the thoughts are definitley the hardest part.
i hope to post more often next week as i have commited.
thanks for the support

I know what you mean about the thoughts being the hardest, but I can reassure you that they will lessen as time goes on.

KUTGW KOMT!!!!

Ditto to what pidiani said

In the past, I could not get thru a shemoneh esrei w/o a lustful thought or two....now, 47 days clean, I can sometimes go from one s"e to another w/o any improper thoughts.

Continued hatzlachah to you

KUTGW, it's really impressive how well your doing even though you just started.
Make sure not to let your guard down though, he's always waiting whether we realize or not.

Thank you,
I very much know that there is a part of me waiting to let my gaurd down. I must admite that even though i am not acting out, I still get lustfull thoughts and Image sfrom previous sessions..

It takes awareness and willingness to let those thoughts drop.

Imýh I am going to be more active in posting now.

It is always the hardest, physchially and mentally after two or three weeks of abstanation.

Take care

Keep it Up!!

it's well worth the effort!!

KOT

And it happened.
I was thinking lustful thoughts for the last two weeks, and it was bound to happened.
I had my biweekly fall.
I hope I'm not taking up too many posts, but this process to 90 days may take 100's of posts.
I'm glad I can post my fall here. On one hand it's good to have a outlet to let it loose, on the other hand it can't be to easy.

Thanks for believing in me up until now, I hope not to disappoint.

I have two points that bother me about this whole thing.
1. By calling myslef an addict i sometimes feel that i'm putting myself in a box, labeling myslef. I don't think that it always helps.
2. Being that im not married yet, I'm afraid to dispose of my sexual feelings that quicly, as i feel i might not get it back. ie. if im always telling myslef to ignore my sexual desire...

Any thoughts?

Good Shabbos

1. don't worry what you call yourself
2. it will come back; don't worry about that either

perhaps you shouldn't focus on 90 days...just one...and then another one

one at a time
baby steps

also develop a strategy
what will you do to prevent the fall when the urge arrives

try stopping the little triggers

b'hatzlachah

Thank you very much Cordnoy.

I will keep on trying.

Falls only come "on schedule" if you, consciously or subconsciously, "schedule them." Like others have mentioned, live one day at a time. Make TODAY's focus on on spending ONE DAY doing what Hashem wants from you (not just avoiding what Hashem wants you to avoid, but actively living a life dedicated to His ratzon) and see where He takes you TODAY. When you go to sleep at night, you will know I had a great day of living a real, fulfilling, honest, connected to G-d, day. At that point, decide do it again, for ONE day.

You don't have to think what will happen in two weeks time. Make today count for you. You can worry about the future when you get there, and then, you can just make your one day count.

Have a great DAY! (and a good Shabbos)!

Thank you for that.

I have worked with that mode in the past and it works wonders.
I think 'what is needed for me to do right now", instead of hoe am i going to get everything i need done today.

It's hard to keep it up though.

Today's fall in a way felt out of place, like there was nothing preempting it.
Thanks again and I appreciate you taking the time to spell out these points for me.
Good Shabbos

Boruch Hashem you were able to make it as far as you did.

It's not over. A fall does not mean failure. It just means you need to pick yourself up and continue moving forward.

A child learning to walk falls. It's expected. He's learning a new skill. He just needs to pick himself up immediately and try again.

We're working on a middah that has become ingrained in us over the years. We're now learning a new skill - how to live life properly. We don't want to fall, but sometimes it happens. Pick yourself up, learn from it and move on, stronger than ever.

stayrein


1. Don't call yourself an addict. Labels don't matter. What matters is how you're going about dealing with your life.

2. You're not the first one who has voiced such fears on here. I just want to let you know from experience that when the time comes, things work a lot better sexually when it's not previously exercised.

Don't have much to add, make the fall a learning experience.

And as the others said, labeling yourself is not important. just one note-that is only IF you are ready to take whatever it takes to get out of it. If you are telling yourself "if I'm not an addict, I don't need to do [fill in the blank]" then please label yourself an addict (or whatever you want), and do whatever needs to be done!!

And of course ODAAT!!

stayrein wrote:

How about admitting that you cannot overcome this "problem" on your own. You don't have to call it an addiction. The main thing is that it is an issue you can't tackle yourself and you are getting help. Calling it an addiction sometimes helps people accept themselves, accept they have a problem, and get help. Whatever helps you do that...

stayrein wrote:

Don't worry. That's the Y"H talking. Do you worry that if you don't cut your finger every so often maybe you will forget how to bleed?

Where'd you go?