Communication seems to be the key here.

Keep it up Rebbe.

As they say: What is a perfect moment?
To tell you (her), how you make me feel

b'hatzlachah

Great Stufffffffff!

I was by an OINK meeting today and we were reading the 12 and 12 book. It says in the first step how veterans in the AA program would challenge newcomers who couldnt bring themselves to admit powerlessness. The challenge was "go ahead and try. Try to have a controlled drink in which you'll snap out of it right away" of course, they couldn't.
On GYE the challenge is given every day, "go ahead and try to lust in a controlled fashion". It usually doesnt work. I read how this would happen to users again and again, but it never really sank in. Until, it happened to me. A few days ago, i was tested by Hashem. I have a blackberry, and discovered that the GYE BB app wasnt working. I immediately reinstalled it, and thanked hashem for helping me. The next day, it happened again. (i have since figured out why and how, i have emailed venishmartem, and was given ideas on how to stop it from breaking again). Instead of reinstalling the app, i figured ill take just a little peek. 2 hours later i was still in the bathroom. I fell harder then i have fallen in a long time.
I think a big factor was my getting comfortable. My main stress factor was calming down, and i was finding myself less stressed and therefore i was confident that i would never do it again. And even if i would fall again, it would be a small quick one and i would get up very quickly. Instead, i fell faster and harder then i have fallen in years. The things i looked at were disgusting even in the pornography world!
This was on thursday, and i have since plugged up those holes. Baruch Hashem, life is turning around, and i have started to add a tefilla to hashem in every davening about this.

טייערע כ"ק מ'ליזענסק שליט"א
מה מאד צדקו דבריו ומה מאד טעמו לחכי. הנה קצת ביאור על מה עשה ד' ככה שכשכבר מרגישים בנוח שכבר כבשנו איזה שטחים במלחמה, נופלים שוב הנה אין זה מקרה רק בהשגחה פרטית
ראה כאן
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/216129-The-GROISE-Shtieb?limit=15&start=45

!בהצלחה

Lizhensk wrote:


Sorry to hear about that episode. But to be honest and share my reaction with you, may I remind you of the story about the drunk guy whose children were embarrassed with their father's drunken behavior. So once when he was in a sober state, they took him to observe a drunkard who was wallowing in the filthy sewer. They figured this would help their father realize how repulsive his drinking habits really are. But instead, the father bent down to the miserable drunkard and asked, "Tell me my friend, where did you get such good wine?"

So my dear friend, I'm sure you get the Nimshal. צרת רבים חצי נחמה We're all in the same boat. We all need Rachamei Shomayim every second lest we slip and fall faster and harder... But on the other hand, we all need to realize that it is just a הסתר פנים - but actually Hashem is right there, waiting for us to get up and KEEP ON TRUCKING!

ואף גם זאת ... לא מאסתים ולא געלתים ... כי אני ה' אלקיהם

Hatzlacha,

MT

Fell Shmell!!!! Get Up and keep 'n Truckin'!!!!

Lizhensk wrote:


I know you're gonna kill me for this, but why only in davening?

Thanks for that sobering share Lizhensk.

Hey Y'all!!!
So, after the GYE convention in israel (im calling it israel, cuz there were alot of tziyonim there - ech, who cares? we were all there for the same reason...) im officially a DuvidChaimaholic. So that explains the "y'all" in the beginning. I also learned how to say "y'all" in plural: "ALL Y'ALL".
Anyway, so life has been up and down, stress killing me whatever. Anyway, Ive had some times of sobriety, but unfortunately, they havent lasted very long.

But, heres the good news: In OINK, we re-started the 12 steps working it a bit differently. Since then, (its only been a few days, but...) my life has changed dramatically. My outlook in life is changing every day. Baruch Hashem, there have been situations that ive been in that would have caused me to make myself into a position that i would end up acting out, and i was able to diffuse the situation.
I have only been clean a few days, but I feel totally different. In situations that i would've wallowed in self-pity, and in the past i wouldve ended up acting out, I instead surrendered the situation to Hashem, and told myself that Hashem wants me there for whatever reason, and whenever he wants to take me away from this situation, he will. And i felt a total new feeling of serenity surround me, and i was totally at peace with myself.
I hope i made sense
(Day 4)

You made a lot of sense That's great progress! KUTGWY'A!!!!!

OINK OINK PIGGY PIGGY!!!

OINK OINK PIGGY PIGGY!!!

OINK OINK PIGGY PIGGY!!!

Hey,
First of all, im still clean since last meeting.
Life has been interesting. Last night, there was someone who was not necessarily trying to make me feel bad, but he/she was. I was starting to feel bad, and i realized that i was in a very similar situation as right before most of my falls.
So i texted someone, who told me straight up "you can wallow in self-pity, or you can let go and let g-d. Its your choice". So i laid down, read the serenity prayer, and the "direct my thinking" prayer, and surrendered. I told Hashem "You want me here for some reason, and it must be good. When you see it fit to take me out of this situation you will. And even if you don't, it still must be good". Suddenly i was at peace with myself. I went to take a shower and went to sleep, making sure not to lay in a position that would get me slipping.
so day 9

Supercalifragalistic!

That was a gevaldige heimishe post!!!

10 Points for Talking to Hashem!!

This post is so that i can finally be a Platinum Boarder...


Or as TZ would say: