Its very depressing....my daughters school is being totally unaccomodating .....the shenanegans going on there have affected my wifes emunah .....and my trust for salvation....its possible i have lost my right to any assistance divine or otherwise .....there are people who agree with my side ...but there seems to never be anything to do ......the gye auto message tells me i have addiction .....im sure i do ...but there never seems to be enough time to reflect even .....i dont know if im going to come out alright

Divine assistance - one can never lose his right to.

[The Rambam does mention some extreme cases where one will not receive Divine help to do teshuvah, but that is not the case here.]

You especially!

The nisyonos you are goin' thru, your faith in hashem, as attested by all your posts, your tefillos, your cryin', your recovery, etc. Sir, if there's anyone who has a 'right' to divine assistance, it surely is you.

May HKB"H be with you in all your endeavors, and may you see His light shinin' on to you and your family.

I personally believe that the "undeserved" title is mostly for archtypical people ....like national leaders who are tyrranical ...most of us "regular" people ....simply arent the same catagory ....not that we arent important .....we all are ....but people at the supposed top have more ability at first to choose the right path....when they dont ....well thats how egypt got 10 plagues

He helps me even while i do t understand.......sometimes if you take a step back and look at life like a message you see alittle of it .....

This week we realized that our efforts are not totally wasted .....

And that the world is crazy for everyone else as well....

It doesnt make it easier especially when the ones who usually suffer the most are at least seemingly innocent people ....

Im still staying clear .....i feel like im in a never ending ....something ....

My wifes illness seems soo obvious to us ..the doctors are still catching up to us do to burden of proof.....which is taking litteraly years....but unfortunately it sorta means a loooooong time till intimacy will even be possible ....let alone desirable .....but despite that i think we are closer from learning to be mutually understanding and not being selfish.....

I just keep believing that this is all to help me turn lust off and only have love ....and peace maybe

I am declaring here and now i have slipped and per my taphsic agreement i am giving tzedaka .....please pray for shmuel yitzchak ben pela ....no more slips, falls or wtvr .......i want out of lust ....i have more games ...distractions .....learning files...communications ....then ever .....if i cant stop then i am not trying

i'm already davening.....

I am having a crisis ....in my mind.....its all sorts a crazy in there ....this is the only place i can talk about this .....my wife knows but theres not much she can do except be there for me ....this is all a result of my recent problems ....or maybe its another symptom of something that is driving my other problems ....i was once 90 days and then months .....now i freak after a few days
...its like im going backwards.

An aside....to all those trying to chat here in real time ....my android is currently unable ...also i simply can keep up on chat...right this minute...


I really want to be lust free....and anxiety less.....free of anxiety is a physical impossibility it seems at the moment ......sooooo busy

May god be with you.

Yes, I did try chattin'.

Please let me know if you want more personal; my email is thenewme613@hotmail.com.

b'hatzlachah

I heard the song vaafilu behastara today. (It apparently has become very popular) It keeps bringing tears to my eyes.
ה' אמר אנוכי הסתיר אסתיר את פני ביום ההוא
אבל הרבי אמר ואפילו בהסתרה שבתוך ההסתרה בווודאי גם שם נמצא השם יתברך.
גם מאחורי הדברים הקשים העוברים עליך אני עומד

I think it has become so popular because so many people can relate to it and get chizzuk from it
If I figure out how to upload it onto this post i will

Ask the Doc; he's the expert at uploadin' songs.

Im actually feeling better ....maybe tfillot rabim is at work .......anyway i actually slept decently .....no incident ....also i got up super early .....its just i have been dealing with alot of pressure to get people i have no control over to do the right thing or else worse....i hate confrontation ......

I always have soo much going on in my head....or at least it feels like it ...rosh hashana and all the issues in my life i try to keep track of ...

It really is almost always uphill

Shmirat enayim issues have never been so difficult to maintain ..
Summer/winter ...doesnt matter anymore

laughingman wrote:


Ok so if its uphill thats great. In general one of the strong points i learned/learning here on gye. Is focusing at one thing at a time even if you have 100 things to do. You can't do more then one at a time anyway so why stress yourself out. Just try to focus on the thing you need to do now.

I know its not easy at all. But its still easier then caring 100 on your shoulders (in your head).

KOL TUV and KOMT!!!

I hope i dont come off all whinny and such .....

Right now there are tests for my eyes ....in this room ....the waiting room ...and i am looking down instead of looking to the side......

I have alot on my mind ......and its true what dd says ....i think so too...

I have given some thought to try meditating on only Hashem....