Wow! Keep going, you're doing amaaaaaaazing!

breaking free one day at a time is just that but its funny that recently i have been soo busy that one day at a time can yield about 6 days if i let it ...since day 30 its been even easier to break free even more from old slippery slopes and freeze lust ful thoughts in there tracks

i also must say that for me playing a computer game helps immensly

i have some really good games with great graphics and they arent full of triggers (well there are potential ones but they are optional and i dont use them) and that helps let a trigger time pass

onward to day 50

I had passed day 50....

I was on my way i was breaking free...

But ii started slipping....daily .....not m***** mind

Just looking at some things ......but it was getting out of hand ....

So i pulled the emrgency brakes and called it a fall .....and it has helped me learn to take complacency seriously soo that it accurs less..

Whatever helps me fight my way back out of the pit that me and some around me helped dig....in Him i trust to save me because i dont knwo how without Him

laughingman:

1. how is your wife?
2. you give chizuk to us in your stringent outlook
3. that was a big move to count a slip as a fall (I know...each day seems like a week).
4. I noticed that the usual helpers on this site are not chiming in to help you; perhaps it is because you are not being specific with your problem, or your fences. [perhaps you did elsewhere, and perhaps you do not want; forgive me; I am only speculating...ultimately, you should only divulge what you feel comfortable with.]

chazak ubaruch!!

cordnoy wrote:


One of them has!!!

We're all together in this!!!

KOT KOMT!!

Just a question, What are you planning to change?

Pidaini wrote:


I assume that question was for laughingman

thanks

laughingman wrote:

Just a word of caution. Sometimes, calling something a fall has the opposite effect. Well, I fell anyway, and I have to start my count over anyway... Sometimes, being too machmir is not good, especially for us.

Hatzlacha!

First the ****news my wife is still ill ...has been for about five months now ....not sure what it is though we have identified asthma as one problem .....the other symptoms honestly are probably something really simple but over looked orsomething chronic and possibly pemanent

The good news is that while my fight is far from over or won my calling a fall is a good thing.....it seems myy only heel left is the looking and that is getting stopped at every turn....or at least enough not to outright fall soo far.....at every slip up i set up a new fense and for those who are thinking oh boy heres another nieve fenser guy who will never really be clear i say that when i started i was seeing everything and only then counting a fall and now i count even non full ****as a fall .....inhave learned that not giving myself slack has the effect of making it seem like imclimbing 90 degrees but this way its less and it has been working......

Soo .....wife is same as before though we have plans to go to some specialists .....

I have recently made what could be considered a tremendous comeback

Even though i also had a fendr bender last week i didnt fall....

I ahve really kept with it better recently..thank G-d

I wish i would ha ey prayers answered

Refuah Shleimah!!!!!!

and KOT!!!!

From the sixth day last week to today two....not one but two major blunders ...financially crippling blunders ...have accurred .....but so far i have not fallen on the contrary i have redoubled my efforts ....every part of my bad yetzer is screaming " but He blunted you! You see He doesnt see your repentance for nothing !!! Why do you try???!!! I dont want to give in .....i want to win this ...this is my akeidah it would seem ....and i would sacrifuce myself in a heartbeat to break this and do what is right ....may Hashem who has led my life untill now see my tears and save me

wow! you are one heck of a hero! reading through your posts (particularly the last one) has given me chizzuk! just wanna point out two things:
1) I cant imagine what you're going through at home, but with all this your main concern is staying clean; this is the akeida where yitzchak's only concern about being a korbon olah was that he should be tied so that he doesn't move. But i wanted to point out that more important than anything, even than staying clean u might say(!) is simcha, being happy. more than getting you to fall, the yetzer horah's ultimate goal is to get you down, depressed. if you can beat that, then your half way there! and the key to getting there is believing with a full heart that Hashem isn't out to get you- HE LOVES YOU!! you are precious to Him more than anything in the world, like a father to his son.
2)I just read through pretty much this whole thread now, and I think you should. you can see your whole journey, exactly how you have grown and progressed since you started it, with 50 days clean, something that at the moment i only dream of!
since joining GYE recently, i still fall. whats the difference (besides for the actual fact that the falls are getting farther apart)? before i was falling because it was part of a viscous cycle of my bad habit. now if i ch'v fall, i look at how many times i slaughtered the y''h by saying 'no!' before i fell, weakening him, and i know that next time i will amend things and succeed beyond my wildest dreams! (to quote someone i know).
the point is you grow into a far stronger person from each fall. it just depends on how you pick yourself up afterwards. that's the make it or break it.
(a tip with staying clean is to tell yourself that the past and future are only for Hashem, there is nothing i can do about that. this present moment however, i am going to stay clean. i may fall in five minutes- that i cant control, but right now with Hashem's help i can stay clean this moment, and that is something which will be with me forever.)

Hatzlocha rabboh, and as they say here at GYE: KOT KOMT!!
you're an inspiration!
and be besimcha!!! :-) :-)

To those who feel inspired from this ...thank you frankly if my life has positively effected one person then it is worth it

On an earlier note the trouble is 1: my wife seems to have some kind of chronic illness possibly severe stress related....

Oh and the transmission to my car is shot...or maybe the fluid in there just needs change....i could still be spared larger expense

Still going stroong i think.....havent eveen looked at real peoplo soo much as i walk ...much less looked online and yahoo d

so far so good ...........not even a search .....even though i have triggers like no tommorow ..............my wife is in the hospitol now .........they re doing a series of tests to figure out what exactly is causing her problems .........so far no answers since fith day last week ........unfortunately in physical reality i dont have a very strong support network ...well lets put it this way its almost non existent .....save for a few old friends who live across the atlantic ....dont get me wrong many of my neihbors are nice enough just i dont randomly bond well with others cause my life is sooo of the beaten pah and so sheltered at the same time many people have trouble relating to me on any level let alone relate or be close enough to deal with things like daily temptations and the like ......we live ain a society where real things either arent happening thank G-d or they are on the down low which if true at all is always sick ..........alll this and now falls ....no slips ............if i want something i switch to something harmless or at least not on this problems wavelength like a comedy show ........because laughter is lifes other pleasure and laughing at the worlds gross stupidity is always fun ....

You're an inspiration. KUTGW.

May Hashem gives your wife a refuah sheleimah b'karov.