keep climbing! i've heard that the view gets more and more beautiful the higher you climb!

WHERE ARE YOU PISCHOSHELMACHAT????
Why have you stopped posting for the last 6 weeks???

I just read every one of your posts from your first day until you stopped posting
[your last post is dated Jan. 29,2014].
I am amazed by your koach to get up and keep moving forward again, first after your big fall and then again and again and again after so many trys and fallas nd try agains and fall again you just are soooo positive and energetic. It's Gevaldig!
I am relatively new here on GYE, I just reached my 21st day. I have gained alot of chizuk in my struggle from all the wonderful people here, from the posts from chats, from the phone confrences. [I had one with Duvid chaim and yes, like you pointed out, He's just Amaaaaazing!, also I spoke on the phone privately with dov and have written PM leeters to him and to others too.
As you said- we all must thank Hashem that we are zoche to have this wonderful group here to help each other out.
One of my main troubles is that I know from past history that whenever I tried to acomplish something and I put alot of ffort into it, and then it didn't work out, it took me very long if ever to try again. So although since i have joined GYE I haven't had any real faals yet BH, but I was on the verge of falling quite a few times, ad only my ego of "I'll show myself that I can make it at least to 90 days" kept me going. I was sooo nervous that if i do fall, I'll totally fall of the interest to go on, and the more I progress before the fall the worse the fall will be for me. But now that I read through the posts of your Journey, and how you kept getting up and not giving up after your falls , you give me chizuk that even if I Chas Vesholom DO fall, I might go on. Though I *hope I never get that test! [ [b]*[/b]oops I said the "H" word, hope isn't a very accepted word here, some1 even once wrote "HOPE=FAIL ]

Anyway PSM - I really wish you would come back and tell us where your at and what has been going on with you so that I / we can continue to get chizuk from your posts!!

Hello Reb Shivsi,
Thank you so much for tapping me on the shoulder to wake me up. I see I have friends on here that I don't even know about. You cannot imagine the chizzuk I get from you.
First of all, I must be moideh al Haemes and confess with humility for the past and hope for the future that I just suffered 2 bad days of falling after a week of slipping.
Today, I picked myself up and jumped back in to face my friends here as embarrassing and humiliating as it is.
I recently made a commitment to post every day which I obviously broke. I was away due to a family simcha and had very limited access for this time. I, mistakenly, thought that since I have no access, I am safe and don't need to stay in touch.
Technically, that was right but as I have learnt and should have known is that we don't stay in touch only for immediate protection from danger, but rather we must stay in touch to stay healthy and sane and keep our heads clear and our perspectives sharp. So, although I was safe from immediate danger due to not having internet access, I was getting isolated and losing my fellowship advantage. The Y"H was losing the battle but winning the war.
And sure enough, as soon as I got home, and had access, I dived right back into the shmutz.
I learnt an important lesson. Even without access, I must at least call my friends, sponsor, anyone who can give me chizzuk EVERY SINGLE DAY to keep my mind healthy and safe.
So Kimu, I stand up V'Kiblu, I am mekabel to stay in touch every day and I beg the RBS"O to see my pischo shel machat, and give me the help I need to be a true Yarei Shamayim and not a spineless faker and loser.
Thank you my dear friends for inviting me back and letting me know that my presence counts. I will try to be someone who inspires by example of what to follow rather than instill fear of what to avoid.
Thank you!

pischoshelmachat


I am not sure where you are at (if you have a sponsor, a lot of friends chatting with) but i find if i try to dig my self so deep (sounds kinda odd) with friends and mentors, as in become such good friends with them that they will help me come back.

If i were to leave the world of GYE and recovery, i should feel comfortable that within 2 days, one of my friends/mentors will contact me and keep tabs on me. They will help watch out for me.

Its a pretty great feeling. It makes me feel like someone actually cares for me

Welcome back!!!!

Thank you so much for your post. I think you are so correct. When you feel part of something and you are connected with a chevra, you benefit from the momentum and inertia of the group.
I invite you to keep tabs on me and to allow me into your circle.

Absolutely, pm me. Cant wait!

As I committed, I am checking in. I have been struggling to gain momentum and I hope over Purim I will be ale to experience life and flush out the fantasy.
A Freilichen Purim to all my dear friends on GYE.

Thanks for checking in.

I just fell as well, one thing I can tell you is that you don't have to wait for Purim to live life!! You can start right away, right now!!

(you basically wrote it yourself, "I hope over Purim..." what's going to change over Purim that should make you "baadaam" experience life? Something has to change in you, and that can happen right now!!)

Hello My Dear Friends,
I have not been very successful in staying on the train. I know what I need to do yet I am not doing it. In yesterday's daf, we see Abaye learnt that as you reach higher levels, the YH works harder to trap you. Problem is, I am not near Abaye's level, not even near the level of the couple he followed and I still feel that the YH is all over me.
The answer is simple, this is not a simple YH for me, it is an addiction. I feel like the YH has let me go because he already locked me up with the chains of addiction. Now he can focus on bigger and better targets. He is laughing at and mocking me that I am so entangled in his web, I can do his job for him.
RBS"O, I know you are the only one who can save me...if I only let you. I know what you want from me....just let go and let you save me.BUT...with some very rigid restrictions and rules. I know that I must work the steps diligently. I know that I must stay connected every single day even multiple times per day and immediately if I feel an attack coming on. I can no longer justify a break from this diligence because I am busy or tired or "safe" or strong. If I am in control, I can make any bubba maiseh excuse, but if I want HKB"H to help me, I must follow his instructions to the T. If I make exceptions and excuses, I am saying, "I don't need your help, I can do it my way." Hardly surrendering to HKB"H.
Now that this is staring me in the face, I am at a very clear crossroads, one route says drive yourself, with the other saying, chauffer driven, but you must follow precisely the instructions of the chauffer. I think I'll grab the limousine.
I will make sure to post daily either here or responding to one of your posts.
My dear friends, please keep in touch and send me an email if you don't hear from me. The beginning of a seismic change is very difficult and I need your help to build some inertia in creating new habits for myself.
I browse the Wall of Honour and see how many of us who joined after me are soaring. I love this family and want to be part of it.
Thank you my dear friends.

A Gutten Erev Shabbos to all my dear friends,
Yesterday was the first great day I had in many weeks.I spent 2 hours online posting and chatting with friends from GYE. Although I am so busy, (that's what they all say) I am forcing myself to take the time to stay safe. I once asked Dov how can I possibly take so much time from my day, every day, to do my GYE requirements. He answered that dialysis chemo etc. take alot of time and the busiest of people would not skip a treatment because they were too busy. It is just a matter of acknowledging that this will kill us if we don't follow the correct treatment regimen.
I hope that I'll be able to keep connected.
I need to!
Have a wonderful Shabbos!

because you haven't been postin' for a while (and because you're a dear friend of mine), you will be excused this time for violating one of the cardinal sins on this site....we do not "hope" to be connected; we do not "hope" for recovery! We stay connected and we work on recovery. Hope is part of a cycle of expectations, failure and depression (and fallin' hard on one's tuchus). Stay away from "hopin'" anythin'...you can, however, "hope" for your friends; not for yourself.

When I see an attractive women on the street; when I see my wife's (insert article of clothin' that used to excite me); when I see an enticing link to click on the web, there are several methods one can use....1. surrender; 2. blow it up. 3. pray for them. 4. prayer for yourself. What has been workin' for me?

Simply this: I say to myself: Do you (me) wanna live or not? I have only one option then, and dat is to turn da hell da other way!

b'hatzlachah

Hello Friends.
I finally decided to join live SA meetings. I haven't gone yet but i am waiting for a call from the coordinator. i am terrified but I have no choice. I must do it.
I have installed a filter on my computer but I cannot find a good filter for my Samsung S4. I tried K9 but it crashes every time. Does anyone here know a fix for me. My S4 is the last big hole in my blockade against the Y"H. I will be much safer with it protected.
Please help.

MAZAL TOV on joining SA! Let us know how it goes. Others have posted that it was not as scary as they thought it would be. I hope it is the same for you.

http://venishmartem.com/new/index.php/devices/mobiles/android

Great news on SA!
And yes, if it's the right move for you, it will be great.
It is not scary...once you walk in.
It will open up a new light to you...although they might be different than you, they share a common goal and cause.

b'hatzlachah