Yankel is da man!

One of the thoughts that I told my friend was that I was trying to come up with something profound to say. I was thinking I would write that I'm a different person since coming to GYE, but then it hit me........

I am not a different person!! I am the same person that I was before, but I act like a different person!! I have the same issues with life, I have the same urges, But I react to them in a completely different way than a year ago!! GYE showed me that there can be fulfillment in every step that a person is to take, and that if we miss that opportunity, there is still that next moment that can be fulfilled!

There is no such thing as not being able to utilize the present to the fullest, no matter where a person may be holding!! That is one of the dearest messages that I got from GYE (in this past year).

more to come....(maybe)

You profundity is astounding, as befits an AJAR Archbishop of a large cathe?dral

And now a L'chaim to my 1111th post!!

L'chaim!!!!

The truth is that that number is a great lesson, it's 1 at a time, 1 and 1 and 1 and 1, slowly it adds up and you're by 1111!!!

If we used binary it would be so much easier.

Happy Birthday and L'chaim!
May you have many more years of facing your challenges the proper way.
And may you continue to enlighten us with your encouraging posts

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:
Yes, but then he'd only have 15 posts .

A Happy belated birthday

Sorry I missed it....I was otherwise occupied .... doing horrible things. [One day, perhaps, I will write about the several positive/good things that were done at the same time....like the first time in my life, I passed a strip club, and I didn't even go in (and that happened not less than twelve times).]

Regarding same person/different person....I will say over something that you have said to me several times....our acting out, or our desires and urges, are not the real me; the real me doesn't want those things, and can live without it.

OMG! this is post 1110!....just to show...I need to work on that one moment at a time thingy.

b'hatzlachah

I have a bunch of 0's hopefully at the end of the day I'll get a number before them

WOAH!!!

For any of those bachurim reading this forum, who think that marriage wil solve any part of this problem, I scream to you.......WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!

I have been enveloped in lust for the past 4 days, doing things I don't want to be doing. Not bad things persay, but thinking certain things, doing good things for "pay back", and asking for certain things.

And then last night.....I noticed, in a completely innocent way, that my filter was not working. First thing I did was watch The Avengers again (I watched it on the plane as well) for who knows when the next time I will have this oppotunity will be? In middle I sent an SOS to a friend to let someone else know about the situation. That helped a lot in a few ways, one of them was that I emailed customer service, something I hadn't done yet since.....who knows when I'll have the opportunity again......

So here I am, still clean BH, BH I can still think straight......for the next two hours, we'll take it from there....

SO.............here's the big picture (To "The Mess Grew Bigger")

It started a week or two ago, I noticed that I stopped,
talking with Hashem, and needing Him a lot.

It got me slightly worried, but life was going good,
Why should I surrender when all was as it shooooooooooooooould

AND then the lust grew bigger every single day, the lust grew bigger I tried fighting it away, but the lust bigger I should have gone to Him right awaaaaaaaaay.....

It started off quite small, a little wanting there, it started growing bigger as life declared a war,
I still didn't go back, for now I was upset,why hadn't I just realized before while I was aheeeeeeeeeeeeeead?

AND the lust grew bigger every single day and the lust grew bigger, I tried fighing it away, but the lust grew bigger I should gone back right away.....

Then wife went to the Mikkie and everything went heywire, my lust now had a lot of fuel with which to spread it's fire,
And since I am quite stubborn, and it's hard to give up life, I clung onto my independance, I could win this fiiiiiiiight

AND the lust grew bigger every single day, and the lust grew bigger, it totally controlled me, and the lust grew bigger how long was I going to stray

My self esteem took another blow when I misplaced item number 2, this came together with my filter going cold,
The clock was ticking, I knew it was and yesterday finally, I find myself on youtube looking at [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP] (not a bonified fall, but....)

AAND the lust was all there from that very day, the lust had been building I had come a little late, the lust was all there, I should have gone back right awaaaaay

So here I am again, with very little choice, Hashem I surrender, but I ask you for a little voice, to remind me all the time, no matter how good, that Hashem runs my entire life and talk to Him I shooooooooould

AAAAAAAND the lust will die out slowly every single day (one day at a time), the lust will have no place, it will simply have to go away, Real life will start growing, Thank You Hashem for bringing me back to plaaaayyy

(if anyone needs commentary on the above passage, please refer to Uncle Moishy...or just ask)

According to Zlata Yenta you SHOULD go back [and stop listening to her music].
Haywire
Bona-fide

NO, I am not travelling, I haven't found a job, I haven't gotten a life, My wife has not found out.

So where are my daily posts?

The answer is that I am too busy working for VCF, finding loopholes in their filter so that they can fix them. I was successful in my work, and found a nice loophole, which I have informed Gurad about.

BUT, since then I have also been very busy watching youtube, and craving for a different "you" website.

Posting to others, giving them tips on how to stay clean or better yet how to stay sober, while licking all the booze is sort of hypocritical, (I think), AND it might actually cause me to really want to let go of the female excitement, therfore I have been avoiding this site.

Now, I have been worrying a lot of how I would tell the oilam if I fell, and believe it or not, that together with having to face the OINK group afterwards, has kept me white-knucking for a few days now.

I called another friend yesterday to open up to him, to show my real self to someone else besides my really good friend (since i found that he knows me already and I need to broaden my network of real friends that I will open up to completely). Hopefully I will be honest at the OINK meeting today as well.

I can't tell how this is going to end, it will be one of two ways, that's for sure. Either with a fall or without.......time will tell.....

Thanks for sharing and your honesty.

I identify with your post right down the line. I have been there countless times, and so have you I am sure.

And what can I say to you? That going without it feels like hell, and that it is much simpler just to do it and "enjoy" it. So firstly, that is true, but try and remember the last time you fell, how you felt about it, what you went through afterwards. Read the countless posts here, of guys who fall and how they feel about it afterwards.

Your last line struck me:

Pidaini wrote:


Sorry to say this to you, but if you leave it to time to tell, the result is pretty certain, and yes, if you are like me, then I would be able to tell how it is going to end, if i don't take any action!

In your situation I would have two options: either to keep white-knuckling and hope for the best (or the worst), OR accept that I am an addict, that playing with lust is going to be very painful and costly and that I cannot afford it at any price.

Now that is almost impossible, because the temptation is so powerful that we have NO choice.

But we are very fortunate, because today we do have a choice. We can turn to HaShem, tell Him what we are going through and ask Him to help us, to restore our sanity, to hold our hand and to help us find in Him what we are looking for in lust.

Easier said than done, but it IS possible.

May HaShem grant us a sober and sane day.

Wow. Thanks for the honesty. Honesty, Integrity, Reality. Wow.
And was it a different "you" site you were craving? I thought it was a different "tube" site [with easy "url"s.....] But with regard to giving others advice and all that, I'll do something I didn't do for a while:
Matisyahu wrote: