oi bashefer only you could really understand my joy and freedom im living the last week bh

as planned I wanna start a new thread which will be my private line between me and hashem .. a communication device where I write to him and hashem replies with a smile

pidaini: yes I do try to focus n one day at a time but it still gives me the satisfaction of looking ahead to a long clean streak.. though it might be counter intuitive.

dd: what is different this time around.. well for one im posting and it gives me some sense of accountability. moreover, its the very first time that I created some gedurim outside of internet shmuts.. I use to daze at women on the street(perhaps fantasize) in midst of my clean streak, that just wasnt part of me workings. but today I can count maybe four "lookings" I fell.. for me that a long way I went

back to my pride.. "hey myself Im really proud of you" your hard work is finally paying off and one clean week is in the can... but thats just the beginning were in for a much longer ride

thanks all for the chizzuk.. its oxygen

KUTGW!!!

There is nothing wrong with feeling happy for our accomplishments, on the contrary, relish in it!! We only have to be careful that we don't become complacent with our progress (which was probably my mistake).

The point of not gazing at women is a really important one. We do not only feed on porn and masturbation, that is our way of acting out, but there are plenty of ways where we internally give ourselves a little "boost" of lust, by looking and/or fantasizing without any external actions.

It is actually those things that keep our addiction alive and keep us from being sober even when we are "clean".

Progress, not perfection!! You are certainly making progress and that's what counts!!

KUTGW!! KOMT!!!!!!!!!!

Pidaini wrote:


I know that with me, i gotta worry about this, because the happier I am with my accomplishment and with relishin', the worse off i am; it needs to be God-related.
that bein' said, that's probably what was meant.

b'hatzlachah to all

I wish i had some long term sobriety so that I would have the question of whether to relish it or not. I have no Frankfurter, no ketchup, no mustard no bun and surely no relish!

I fell and fell after 2 weeks of staying sober (following years of walking on dirt)

so Im picking myself up and Im setting something concrete.. im committing to taphsic method as provided below
effective immediately up until my next fall or until after sukkas I will not use the internet for p..n or anything in that nature. If I fail at that Ill stop Using my home computer for everything and anything thats outside of strict business purpose or email.. until I placed a stronger and more comprehensive filter service.. in the event that after a fall I would still use the computer (before installing a better filter) for anything not mentioned above I'll consequence myself with 2k for tsduka.

i could modify all that to the stricter side but not to be more lenient..
Its sounds complicated but to me its straight fwd..
I fall.. I stop using computer for fun until filter.
I fail at that... I pay 2000

all this is while i remember my vouch
INA

Welcome back! Sorry to hear of your falls but it's good that you're getting back up and taking concrete steps.
Just one comment though: if your filter could be better why wait till after another fall? Fix it now and a fall will be less likely.

Can i recommend a tzedakah?

b'hatzlachah to you!

ok so here i am almost 2 weeks clean bh

I fell....
so as my taphsic methods kicks in.. now im up to not using the web only for business and email..up until i install a better filter...
if ill break that ill have to pay 2k

im down yet im thankful for the over 3 weeks I was sober and i hope and wish that this time around it will last longer... a lifetime

I can do it

You definitely can do it, and you have a good attitude too. I'm sure you'll be getting the "So what are you going to do differently this time?" barrage from people here, so I won't ask that. It goes without saying. I think one of the most important things to to say as connected as possible, and post here a lot.

Mentally, what precipitated the fall (without too much graphic detai ;-) Were you stressed, or even over-optimistic about something?

im not alone wrote:


A thousand for 3 weeks
2K for 5 or 6 weeks

Expensive therapy....

b'hatzlachah

Bh still going strong
since my last fall I have not used my home pc for anything but business purpose

oi yoi.. I fell I'll write about it at a later time

But for now...

Im picking my self up.. right now
the next 24-36 hours is crucial.. im standng again

Sorry to hear about the fall!!!

How have you been doing since?

Its been a while...
I was really browsing and staying in the dark for way too long!

But I'm starting anew, 

Today is my second clean day.. I'm really striving and hoping that ill have the kochos to pull it off this time.. to the 90 day wall of honor.

Iyh bli neder, ill moderately post how it goes with my struggle. If ill be able to stand tall for full 7 days, ill start a new thread, and call it home (to my new life)

off we go

keep on trucking (are we still using this slang here!!)