Dov wrote

cordnoy wrote:

Stillgoings SIGNATURE wrote:
I see you're obsessed with these "things"

markz wrote:


to be read as a rap..
I have lust in my head.
I have feet in my shoes.
I can steer myself in the direction of booze.
I'm on my own, and i don't know what i know.
But I'm still the guy who'll decide where I go.
I choose to Live, because that's where it's at,
i won't lust or dream, now how about that.
The bite of lust is even worse then its bark,
and i wrote this in honor of the hailiga mark(zzzzzzz)

stillgoing wrote:
Signature update?

The Perfect Worker Evaluation

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

It's not always the best idea to become an engineer


In some foreign country a rabbi, a lawyer and an engineer are about
to be guillotined. The rabbi puts his head on the block, they pull
the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by
divine intervention -- so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block
and again the rope doesn't release the blade -- he claims he can't
be executed twice for the same crime -- so he is set free too. They
grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up
at the release mechanism and says, "Hey, wait a minute, I think I
see your problem..."

Subject: Tech Support

A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: "What's the problem?"
LUser: "There is smoke coming out of the power supply."
Tech: "You'll need a new power supply."
LUser: "No I don't! I just need to change the startup files."
Tech: "Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it."
LUser: "No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command."

10 minutes later, the LUser is still adamant that they are right.
The Tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: "Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem."
LUser: "I knew it!"
Tech: "Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes."

10 minutes later.

LUser: "It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking."
Tech: "Well, what version of DOS are you using?"
LUser: "MS-DOS 6.22."
Tech: "That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come
with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will
give you the file. Let me know how it goes."

1 hour later.

LUser: "I need a new power supply."
Tech: "How did you come to that conclusion?"
LUser:"Well, I rang Microsoft and told him all about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply."
Tech: "Then what did he say?"
LUser: "He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE."

markz wrote:

Teef! Sometimes it doesn't pay to argue with somebody. The successful person is the one who can let go, look bad (he admitted that there was a LOAD NOSMOKE.COM command) and let the other person feel important. The tech guy will get great reviews from the lUser for the secret tip and probably a raise from his boss for dealing with this famous and stu*** client so well.

E-mail from G-d

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called on a female angel and sent her to Earth for a time. When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.

Well, he thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a male angel; to get both points of view. So God called a male angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When the male angel returned he went to God and told him yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good. God said this was not good.

He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good and encourage them, a little something to help them keep going.



Do you know what that E-mail said











































Oh, you didn't get one either

Guys I don't know if you should be hitting thank you for that last post, you look stupid, no?

Unless you are part of the 5% and basically meant to thank me for being a jerk. Well then come on, be a nice samaritan
Teach me how to be good so I can also recieve Gds emails, and we can prosper together. Deal?

Thank you for pointing out the email.
Turned out it was in my spam folder

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to
launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets
and space shuttles, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is
to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to
test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on
the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were
made to borrow the gun. But when the gun was fired, the
engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel,
crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's
backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified, the Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the
experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and asked
the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA's response was just one sentence: "Thaw the chicken."