There are so may Dov resources on this website including the ability to search for his comments on this forum. There are recordings, articles and his phone conference. I think he's said just about everything there is to be said. It's definitely worth it to look up his stuff. For awhile I was cutting and pasting Dov stuff here in the forum. His article entitled nuclear reset button is a must read for the struggler. Here is something I just found by doing an advanced search for the user Dov. You can't find this kind of stuff anywhere. Dov is so deep and has an understanding of sex addiction that few can match.
breakfreegye wrote on 07 Jun 2017 14:26:
I have really been struggling the past couple of days. I have had trouble sleeping and I am really tired. In addition my wife has been unavailable for a number of weeks following a miscarriage. I dont find myself struggling with desire to look at inappropriate material very often but these conditions are making it very difficult.
Exercise is often great and can help - but it is no solution. Sex w your wife is often great and can help - but it is no solution. Finding things that will distract you is often useful and can help in some limited situations - but it is no solution. Davening is often great and can help - but it is no solution.
(Earlier this month) Your wife recently had a miscarriage.
Are you hearing the solution yet?
There is 'an elephant in the room'. Have you gotten closer to her since the miscarriage? How much closer? The closer you get with her, the LESS you will need sex. Love - real love - kills lust. Sexaholics know this, experience it, and it works. Though you are probably not an addict, this path can still work for you and it can start to really solve a great deal of your problem.
Exercising, davening, distracting yourself...gevalt. Your wife may have just had deep hopes dashed, blood coming out of her where a baby should have, and who knows what fear and sadness are coursing through her for the past few weeks (I do not know her personal state and issues around the miscarriage, but the above is pretty normal, though many women do not admit it especially to men). You may have talked w her a lot - but if the sex is bothering you, that probably means you may not have talked w her
enough. Not gotten deep with
both of your feelings yet.
I am not faulting you for having selfish sexual desire, Good L-rd no. I have that plenty of that, too. But the miscarriage is a unique opportunity to get
closer instead of running away deeper into your sex-starvedness, and demanding nature that we all suffer with. May Hashem help you, me, and all of us use every one of these opportunities to grasp onto the real solutions to life's problems, the greatest of which is our own ego and neediness. Hatzlocha reaching out to her more than ever before and letting this miscarriage bring you closer and really solve your loneliness that sex screams to fill. It worked for my wife and me when that happened to us. It can work for you, too.
Helpful at all?
- Dov