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TOPIC: Gibbor's Insights 14721 Views
Re: Gibbor's Insights 12 Mar 2016 14:32 #281105
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Re: Gibbor's Insights 12 Mar 2016 14:36 #281106
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Re: Gibbor's Insights 13 Mar 2016 03:38 #281132
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וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל "If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE." "Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome." - General Grant My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends |
Re: Gibbor's Insights 06 Apr 2016 21:59 #283836
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Re: Gibbor's Insights 09 Mar 2017 21:24 #307932
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gibbor120 wrote on 09 Mar 2017 20:23:
TzedekChaim wrote on 05 Mar 2017 18:15: 5) This is more of a question. I know that many have and continue to say on this forum about how marriage does not solve this problem and may in fact even make it worse. (now that is a bit scary, but also realistic, and I get where it is coming from) However, in 'the fight' shiurim by rabbi shafier he talks about how before marriage one must fight the fight in the smartest way possible using the best tools available, but that until one is married it is impossible to totally win the fight. Obviously, marriage does help in some fashion. (in the shiur he explains some of the manners in which it helps) I was wondering if anyone more wise/married had any positive aspects of marriage that contribute in good ways to this fight? (I feel like the other approach is too focused on negatives, albeit not unrealistic. I just feel that it is difficult enough as it is to not think that I'm entering a new and only more difficult fighting ring. To me now it feels a bit like shooting myself in the foot so to speak getting married.) Any good things gained from getting married in this area of potential and growth?  Disclaimer: I didn't like "'the fight' shiurim by rabbi shafier". That said, I think marriage can help and hurt. I think one of the misconceptions is that acting out is about taivah and hormones. Therefore, if a person has an outlet, he will not have a problem. That may be true to a certain degree, but certainly for someone who is addicted, it can make things worse. He can view his wife as an object to satisfy his desires. (This is a sliding scale by the way, and I think we all do it to one degree or another.) He can then pressure her etc. She is turned off and it can make intimacy a source of tension instead of ... well intimacy .Addiction is about escape. I know for myself, and I think many others here will agree, the biggest trigger I have is being in a fight with my wife. (That trigger doesn't exist for singles ). The fact that addiction has much more to do with emotional state etc. means that marraige can be good or bad. A good marriage can uplift a person etc.. A bad marriage can be toxic.Even in a good marriage, there are bumps along the way. Getting married is stressful. As much as you think you love your kallah, and nothing will ever go wrong... the reality is much different. I wouldn't stress aobut it too much. Just realize, that your emotional state is probably more important than your physical satisfaction. Just do your best to be a good husband. To appreciate your wife as a person, and not pressure her to satisfy you. (That is not so say that she should not satisfy you, just that you should not be obsessed with her satisfying you in specific ways.) It is a learning process for both of you. Be open and honest and IY"H things will be good. Please keep us posted. |
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GGG (Gibbor's Golden Goodies-I love G's!) 15 Jul 2018 17:15 #333441
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My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin Warning: Spoiler!Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?" MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED. |
Re: Gibbor's Insights 16 Aug 2018 02:24 #334716
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ZemirosShabbos wrote on 02 Aug 2013 00:28:
# 2 Calling a friend when tempted
gibbor120 wrote: gonnabekodosh wrote: I'm not sure opening up is going to help either, It doesn't make the triggers or the desire fade.. At the very least, it focuses us away from ourselves. When looking at porn and masturbating we are very focused on ourselves - our selfish pleasure. Focus on others. Even calling our wives or a friend, helps us to get out of our own heads (which is a dangerous place to be) Making a call to another struggling person, and admitting what temptation we are facing does makes the temptation fade. It brings us back to reality from fantasy. In our fantasy world, we can "imagine" that it's not that bad, it's not my fault, and a myriad (always wanted to use that word ) of other rationilizations (we have an unlimited supply - don't we?). When we talk to someone else and tell them what we are thinking, we can see how silly and stupid it really is.It also adds a large dose of humility, which never hurts either  . |
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Re: Gibbor's Insights 16 Aug 2018 02:29 #334718
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My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin Warning: Spoiler!Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?" MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED. |
Re: Gibbor's Insights 09 Sep 2018 16:00 #335408
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I haven't posted in a while. It was quiet in the house, so I decided to come for a quick peek before R"H (much better that what I used to do when it was quiet in the house
 ). It made me smile to see this thread come up. This is truly a wonderful place. I probably just have a bit of burnout, but I haven't forgotten about this wonderful chevra. I just said Hatoras Nedorim, so I don't want to commit to writing more, but hopefully (that's for you cords ) I will. Probably not much until after sukkos though.Have a ksiva vchasima tova and a gut gabencht yahr, full of bracha, in gashmiyus, ruchniyus, and healthy relationships (which is often at the center of our struggle). Love, Gibbor |
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Re: Gibbor's Insights 20 Dec 2020 00:06 #359096
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