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Gibbor's Insights
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TOPIC: Gibbor's Insights 10100 Views

Gibbor's Insights 02 Aug 2013 00:06 #214619

  • cordnoy
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# 1

Feeling an attraction to your wife is not necessarily lust. Lust is when we want the physical pleasure without the emotional connection. The feelings of arousal that happen when we connect emotionally to our wives are feelings of LOVE.


let's keep 'em comin!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 02 Aug 2013 00:28 #214632

  • ZemirosShabbos
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# 2 Calling a friend when tempted

gibbor120 wrote:
gonnabekodosh wrote:
I'm not sure opening up is going to help either, It doesn't make the triggers or the desire fade..

At the very least, it focuses us away from ourselves. When looking at porn and masturbating we are very focused on ourselves - our selfish pleasure. Focus on others. Even calling our wives or a friend, helps us to get out of our own heads (which is a dangerous place to be)

Making a call to another struggling person, and admitting what temptation we are facing does makes the temptation fade. It brings us back to reality from fantasy. In our fantasy world, we can "imagine" that it's not that bad, it's not my fault, and a myriad (always wanted to use that word ) of other rationilizations (we have an unlimited supply - don't we?). When we talk to someone else and tell them what we are thinking, we can see how silly and stupid it really is.

It also adds a large dose of humility, which never hurts either .
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: Gibbor's Insights 02 Aug 2013 05:26 #214691

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#3

Gibbor's tech knowledge

gibbor120 wrote:
Good Stuff! I just realized, maybe that's why we have a "Thank You" button and not a "Like" button. "Like" - is "ME" focused, "I" like. "Thank YOU" is gratitude, which is "other" focused. Thank "YOU". I am indebted to "YOU".

Thank YOU for sharing .
Last Edit: 02 Aug 2013 05:27 by inastruggle. Reason: NOT TRYING TO MAKE LETZOONIS, I LIKED IT :)

Re: Gibbor's Insights 02 Aug 2013 06:57 #214708

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# 4

Gibbor's take on makin' sure your wife is happy

Yes, but as Rav Noach Weinberg once said (perhaps quoting someone) "A miserable wife is a miserable life!" So, there is some trickle down .
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 02 Aug 2013 22:07 #214823

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# 5

Hashem loves us

Hashem loves us unconditionally, and there is nothing we can do to make Him stop.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 05 Aug 2013 02:38 #214967

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# 6

Suffering leads to Growth

There is a famous quote in the big book to that effect. Something like "I needed each and every drink to get where I am today". The realization that all the hardship is a necessary part of our growth process.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 05 Aug 2013 05:49 #214979

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# 7

Planning a Sexy Vacation? Gibbor tells you the correct attitude to bring along

Relax, and enjoy having a nice time with your wife. Don't obsess about having sex on vacation. It's a recipe for a bad vacation for both you and your wife.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 05 Aug 2013 06:17 #214985

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cordnoy wrote:
# 7
Planning a Sexy Vacation? Gibbor tells you the correct attitude to bring along


Cute heading on that one, cordnoy!
אלא יש לו לייחד כל מעשיו לשמו הגדול לבד, ולא ישתף עמו דבר אחר
That's the goal. The key to everything. Working on it, bs"d.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 05 Aug 2013 20:01 #215053

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thanks Mendel

wasn't sure Guard would allow it

# 8

Lies, Women and Haughtiness

I just had a thought...

There is one mitzvah that the Torah says stay far away from it. מדבר שקר תרחק

There is one aveirah that the Shulchan Aruch says to stay far away from. צריך להתרחק מן הנשים מאד מאד

There is one middah that chazal tell us to stay far away from - גאוה

Methinks they are all related!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 09 Aug 2013 20:25 #215667

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# 9

Gibbor's Positive Reinforcement

gibbor120 wrote:
Chachaman wrote:
I know exercise is a good thing, but a lot of people use exercise as a way of inflating their self-esteem or even making themselves look more attractive.

What should my attitude toward exercise be (like playing basektball)?

just_do_it.jpg
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 12 Aug 2013 23:01 #215892

  • cordnoy
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# 10
AND FIGHTING FROM THE BLUE CORNER......!!!!!!!

gibbor120 wrote:
bentorahyy wrote:
I want to feel I'm in control of my yetzer hara

I think what you mean is that you don't want to be a slave to your yetzer hora. What's the difference, you ask? Many of us have found that as long as we valiantly fought the yetzer hora, we were doomed to failure. We simply cannot fight him head on, and often fighting him is just a way stay tangled up in him.

We have found a better way to "fight" the Y"H by:

1) Not getting into the ring with him in the first place. That is, avoid eye contact . Really, sur mera. Avoid all possible triggers. Filters, shmiras ayanayim, etc. Stay busy and focused on positive activities.

2) If he corners us, we call for help. Reach out to a friend, especially a GYE friend. When we admit our weakness to a friend, the Y"H loses his power. He is especially powerful when we are alone/lonely.

3) Humility and Bitachon, living with Hashem. The Y"H is afraid of Hashem you know . A 12 step program is good at helping us bring Hahsem into our lives FOR REAL!

None of these things are "beating" the Y"H. We don't want to "beat" him per se. We want to be free of his control over our lives.

Really, these and other tools have proven to be helpful.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 21 Aug 2013 00:31 #216711

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# 11

Making, not Wishing (my word would be hoping)

Wishing you had a plan will not work. You need to make one. There is plenty of material here. Take some ideas. Take a step or 2. Make a decision and write it down. Take a tiny step, but do something other than kvetch about how hard it is.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights 23 Aug 2013 23:31 #217071

  • inastruggle
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#12 The way I understand "powerless" (based on dov)

gibbor120 wrote:
The way I understand "powerless" (based on dov).

Powerless, means unable to use it in a normal way like a normal fellow. Wait, I'll explain.

I can take a drink of alcohol, then sing zemiros, take a Shabbos nap, learn with my kids etc. etc.

An alcoholic can not. Once he takes a drink, he cannot (usually) stop until he binges uncontrollably...

He is powerless over alcohol - He cannot safely use and enjoy alcolol like a regular joe (or yosef ).

Lust addiction is exactly the same. The only difference is that to say "I can't afford to lust as other's can because I become insane and go on a lust binge" rubs us the wrong way. I can't afford to lust because it's assur! True, but as far as this definition, beside the point.

Can I use it casually or do I become totally and completely obsessed. That is the litmus test of powerlessness.

I hope this is simple, and dov, feel free to copy and paste this .

Re: Gibbor's Insights...now # 13 29 Aug 2013 20:19 #217778

  • cordnoy
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# 13

Gibbor's take on "Do it yourself" methods and Rosh Hashanah

The DIY method always appealed to me. I love self-help books. I never like to rely on anyone else. I like to do everything myself I had to need to learn to let go of the need to control everything. To let others help me. To realize that I don't do anything myself. I am totally and utterly dependant... which happens to be the message of Rosh Hashanah.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Gibbor's Insights...now # 14 01 Sep 2013 10:47 #218042

  • cordnoy
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# 14

Gibbor's Distinction between "Holding breath" and "Recovery" with a "Dov - assist"

If you feel the pressure building until you can't take it any more - you are holding your breath. If you feel calm and serene (most of the time) and don't feel like you are about to explode - you are in recovery.

If you are holding your breath, you will eventually act out cuz you can't hold your breath forever. You will know .
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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