61.  Custody of the eyes.

Through practice (and lots of it), we should be able to keep our eyes down instead of letting them dart all over--looking at everything and everyone.  But, it takes lots of practice and, for me, I think this has been one of the hardest struggles.  I will add:  it's important to keep things in perspective--if you used to look at p*rn and m*sturbate every day, and now you've got significant clean time from that, don't consider yourself a failure in recovery because you are having trouble controlling your eyes on the street.

I had a realization lately--I'm not lusting just when I'm looking at a female in the street; the lusting has already begun if my eyes are up looking down the street--why else am I looking up if not to see who's there?  When I remember this, it makes it easier to keep my eyes down.

62.  Paving stones and rooftops.

This tool goes along with the previous one.  What do you look at on the street?  Develop an appreciation for different types of paving stones (sidewalk bricks) and sometimes it's helpful to look way up instead of looking down, and you can gain an appreciation for rooftops.

--Elyah

Thanks for posting all these gems!  I can relate to them very well.

You're welcome, Gibbor.

63.  Flick your eyes to the top left. 

(i.e., look up to the top left for a second).  This is supposed to be some sort of weird neurological maneuver which helps break fantasies.  I think the next tool is the same idea:

64.  Shake your head.

--Elyah

65. Bark like a dog.

That is sure to turn anyone off .

Sorry, I couldn't resist  :-[.

[quote="gibbor120" link=topic=4870.msg132283#msg132283 date=1328202644]
65. Bark like a dog.

That is sure to turn anyone off .

Sorry, I couldn't resist  :-[.
[/quote]

Gibbor--patience, patience!

That's coming up when we get to "Dealing with other people."

78.  Bark like a dog.

While we're on the topic, the previous tool, a related one:

77.  Pick your nose.

Now, I have found that a casual cleaning is insufficient.  What you need to do is one of those thorough, deep-cleaning, excavation missions.

Even better, if you can get two fingers into a single nostril and twist them around for a minute or two, you'll have no trouble wondering if anyone of those women on the street are lusting after you.

There is actually a meforeshe gemara that prohibits picking your nose in public (can't think of the exact source off hand, but I think it's in Shabbos somewhere around the discussion of checking for lice).  On the other hand, eis la'asos l'Hashem!

Have a Good Shabbos,

--Elyah

Does someone know of an email only device, without having internet at home?

We had a service called Peek,but they discontinued as of January 31. It was a handheld device hich could connect to internet, but picked and could send email and open attachments of Word documents. Service was 9.95 a month.

We are looking for something similar and haven't been succesful. Thanks,

Yearning

Eye.nonymous wrote on 03 Feb 2012 12:40:


the sefer chassidim says that adults should always be careful to wipe their noses after sneezing, because it disgusts others if the nose is not wiped and it's bal tishaktzu, for children, however, it's normal to see with dirty noses so even if your son's nose is dirty you don't have to wipe it cuz no one's going to be disgusted by it....
:o

yearning wrote on 03 Feb 2012 13:02:


If you are in NY/NJ area Jnet (and i think Yeshivanet also) has DSL internet service with email only.

Hatzlacha!

Gevura!

yearning wrote on 03 Feb 2012 13:02:

Doesn't sound like a good service for an addict ;D.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 03 Feb 2012 12:40:


...yes, in case anyone was wondering, I was joking.

--Elyah

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

65.  Snap the elastic band.

Wear an elastic band and flick yourself with it whenever you catch yourself looking at something or thinking about something that you're not supposed to be looking at or thinking about.

I did this for a while but stopped because, for me, I thought it was too intense--got me too focused all the time on what I was thinking.  I think I went overboard.  I suppose, if I didn't go overboard, it could have been more helpful.

Also, you don't have to flick yourself hard enought to bleed; just enough to give yourself an unpleasant feeling.

I think there is supposedly some deep psychological ideas behind this tool.  I think it's supposed to be creating pain associations with looking at women and thinking about them to replace the pleasure assoiations which we have been living with for so long.

66.  Don't breath through your nose.

Sometimes this is necessary to avoid triggering fragrances that are in the vicinity.  Also, if there are triggering sounds (like if you're sitting in a bus right in front of a young woman who is talking on her cell phone in French--and there are no other seats available), an MP3 player comes in handy.  Or, you might need to stick your fingers in your ears and hum a tune.

--Elyah

Eye.nonymous wrote on 04 Feb 2012 17:35:

eew.... talk about bal tishaktzu!
fran?ais est la langue la plus horrible jamais!!!

I was once sitting on a bus next to ................................ Eye.nonymous (what did you think I was going to say? A girl speaking French?), and we both saw the same thing through the window and we both snapped our wrists with rubber bands at exactly the same time. It was so funny!


No? Well, I guess you just have to have been there.

Here are a few short prayers to say to help you against lust on the street:

67. "G-d, may I find in You what I'm looking for in that woman (etc.)"

And, really ask yourself, "WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR IN THAT WOMAN?"  Security?  Pleasure?  Acceptance?  Attention?  What is it for you?  And, ask to find THAT in Hashem instead.

68. "G-d, take away my lust.  I pray for her (etc.)."

Pray for that woman to have whatever it is you're seeking in life--good health, success, peace of mind, etc.  Again, ask yourself, "What is it I am seeking in life?"

69.  "G-d, please take away this image (or fantasy)"

As we mentioned earlier, in tool #1, for these prayers to be most effective, the earlier you catch yourself, the better.  Turn to Hashem when you first catch yourself lusting (or even preventatively before you leave the house) instead of after you've been staring at some woman for ten minutes who has been walking in front of you down the street.  Also, it's helpful to repeat these little prayers lots of times.

Also, with these prayers, the point is to SINCERELY turn towards Hashem, surrender our lust to Him (we ask Him to remove it from us and to help us let go of it; we are not asking Him to give us the power to fight it), AND we try to change our attitutude (with G-d's help) to think of that woman (etc) as a human being instead of a s*x toy.  I find, when I keep this in mind, these prayers are helpful.  When I expect some sort of results just by rattling them off, I find it doesn't help much.

What do you do if you, at times, find that you WANT to look?  You don't really want to let go?

Then, ask G-d to help you WANT to let go of lusting.


--Elyah