I attended an SA workshop with lots and lots of tools for recovery (about 100 or so).  I hope, little by little, to share them here on this thread.

Some of them are very simple and might even seem silly (but may surprise you--and work if you try them), and some of them are very deep.  Some of them you may have heard of before, and some of them not.

Take whatever you find helpful, and leave the rest--maybe someone else will find it helpful.  I can't say that I have tested them all personally, either.

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I posted this on Jan 1, '12, but thought it would be appropriate to add it here at the beginning of this thread, too:
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I could have easily cut and paste the whole list of recovery tools into a post all at once and left it at that.  However, I thought that by posting only one each day, it would give people a better chance to digest them and implement them (and remember them) to some extent in their lives.  Also, in posting one at a time, I see it is giving me a chance to reflect on each of these tools and appreciate them much more.

So, if you are joining this thread now that so many of these tools have already been posted (and more yet to come, BE"H), I suggest you will have the greatest benefit by reading this thread slowly, just one or two tools each day.  There's no hurry.
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--Elyah

The first batch of tools are, more-or-less aimed at improving your relation with yourself.  Please don't ask me to explain, though.

EMERGENCY TOOLS

1.  Short prayer, "I'm powerless, please G-d help me!"

Two reasons why this tool may not work:

a.  It wasn't said soon enough.  Say this IMMEDIATELY when you start to feel tempted by lust instead of waiting 10 minutes and getting all caught up in it.

b.  It wasn't repeated enough.  Saying it once or twice is likely to be ineffective.  Keep saying it over and over again (even dozens or hundreds of times if necessary) until it kicks in.

...I'll add about the tool mentioned above:

Sometimes I find myself trying this little prayer and walking down the street.  Meanwhile, the thought occurs to me, "Instead of trying to walk right past this lady, I can cross the street and get even further away, which would be even more helpful."

So, if there's any effort you can ALSO do, don't rely entirely on the prayer to save you.

Also, this first tool, and all the upcoming tools (until further notice), are EMERGENCY TOOLS

--Elyah

2.  Move somewhere else.

This tool is self-explanatory.  If you're drawn to the computer, get up and get away from the computer.  If you're drawn to a lady on the street, cross the street, or take a detour.

I've sometimes thought, "What's the use of taking a detour?  After all, I'm just going to see ANOTHER woman on THAT street!"

But, even so, it's worth the detour.  Here is a definite trigger on THIS street, and the presence of a trigger on the side-street is still doubtful (assuming it is doubtful, and not a sidewalk in front of a woman's clothing store, seminary when school is getting out, etc).  I think when we move ourselves away from definite triggers, even if we are faced with another one that was doubtful, we get Divine assistance to overcome the challenge.  On the other hand, if we remain in the presence of a definite trigger while we have an alternate route available, we don't get that Divine assistance.

--Elyah

3.  Pick up litter.

We can't think our way into correct acting, but we can act our way into correct thinking.  In our addiction, we are selfish and self-centered.  When you stop in a public place and pick up litter, you break your ego and start to think, instead, of being of service to others.  Cleaning a public rest-room is even better (wipe down a toilet seat; it won't kill you--just remember to wash your hands afterwards).  With a little imagination, you can think of lots of ways to be of service.  You can also find regular opportunities throughout your day to humble yourself and be of service.  For example, you can take a small section of your Shul or Beis Midrash and appoint yourself in charge of putting all the books away in that section.

--Elyah

4.  Sing (or hum) a favorite tune.

This can help to change your focus and your attitude.  I would add: I think we look for triggers because we don't feel pleasure and happiness with life.  Singing, even if you don't feel like it at first, can give you that feeling.

(DISCLAIMER:  Even if you disagree with any of my comments and explanations, don't let that stop you from trying these tools yourself--see for yourself if you get any results; you can make up your own explanation afterwards, if you feel so inclined).

--Elyah

This next tool, as part of an SA workshop, said:

5.  Tell another SA member NOW.  Pick up your phone IMMEDIATELY.

If you are part of a GYE phone conference, use the phone list from that group.  You can also exchange phone numbers with people from this forum (that you have gotten to know and trust.  Send via PM; don't post on the open forum.)

Also, if you haven't collected any phone numbers, it is also helpful to POST immediately.  Send out an SOS post.  (But, if the computer is your trigger right now, it may be better to follow tool #2 above).

If you can't reach out to a fellow program member, just pick up a phone and call ANYONE!  Could be a friend or relative you haven't spoken to in a while.  Could be your Mom or Dad.  Get out of your head.  "Hi, I just called to say hello."  That can work, too, and they'll be thankful--whoever it is.

--Elyah

I can also add--you may have heard some of these tools before, and lots of times before.

But, to have them all together on one list is helpful.  Maybe you heard them before, but the trick is to keep them in mind so you can remember to use them when you need them.

--Elyah

Eye.nonymous wrote on 10 Dec 2011 17:33:

I would add, listen to music.  I find it can also change my mood.

gibbor120 wrote on 11 Dec 2011 15:42:


Thanks!  Yeah, if anyone has anything to add, feel free.

--Elyah

6.  As an SA tool, this was presented as:  Get to a meeting AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

The novelty here was, I thought the only option is SA meetings (which, as far as I know, are all closed-meetings--only for sexaholics).  I have not yet done this personally, but many 12-step groups (such as AA and CA) have open-meetings, which we can also attend.

If involvement in the forum is an effective enough cure for you, perhaps this tool can work as:  check in with the forum as soon as possible.

--Elyah

A lot of us addicts tend to also have a problem with anger.  When we get angry we lose control, and when we lose control it's usually a matter of time before we act out.  Anyway, extreme emotions are unhealthy for us addicts; our goal should be to stay calm and even-keel.  That's a healthy place for us to be.

So, here's a tool specically for anger:

7.  When you're angry:  Ask yourself, "What am I ashamed of right now?"

The idea behind this is:  Rage is the result of a high level of fear combined with a high level of shame.  When you merely ask yourself the question, "What am I ashamed of right now?" (and you don't even have to come up with any answers) it disarms the rage.

--Elyah

Here's a little summary so far:

IMPROVE RELATION WITH SELF

EMERGENCY TOOLS

1. Short prayer, "I'm powerless, please G-d help me!"
2. Move somewhere else. (Get away from the trigger!)
3. Pick up litter.
4. Sing (or hum) a favorite tune.  Or listen to music.
5. Call someone from the program or the forum NOW.  (Or post)
5. Get to a meeting AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  (Get to the forum)
6. When you're angry:  Ask yourself, "What am I ashamed of right now?"

Here's the next section:

IMPROVE RELATION WITH SELF

HAVING A PROGRAM

7.  Participate in the fellowship of the program.

The more involved you are, the safer you are from lust.  (The animals in the herd that are most at risk of attack are those animals standing near the edge of the group).

For SA, this would mean:  attend meetings regularly, participate at meetings and help out with service positions, exchange phone numbers and call people regularly, read through the program literature regularly (Big Book, 12/12, White book), get-together with fellow program members, etc.

For the GYE forum, this would mean:  post regularly, maintain your own thread, participate in other people's threads, PM people for more personal messages (and just to give a personal "hello, how are you?"), read through the GYE handbooks regularly (the SA literature is also helpful).  And, COME TO THE KUMZITS Thursday night!

--Elyah

This one is the big one for me.  Getting out of isolation and reaching out to people.  Post, PM, email, call to say hello.  Anything to get me involved socially.  This has probably helped me more than anything else.  I am not a naturally social person.  I love privacy and doing things my own way.  Opening up to others has been really healthy for me.