Just went to my first SA meeting after being on GYE for over ten years.

AMA.

hechochma wrote on 07 Apr 2025 15:04:

What made you bite the bullet?
And how'd it go?

hechochma wrote on 07 Apr 2025 15:04:

I can't stop watching porn for long enough to be able to have functional sex with my wife. And she wants to know what's going on.

Then I read all the reddit threads about people getting divorced because they can't manage porn and their sex life.

It was like taking a very short peek into a very scary place. You see it for a moment but the impression stays. And I know I'm headed there if I don't get help soon.

Very chilled, open, safe, validating place. Way more than I thought it would be.

Everybody introduced themselves. After that, because it was a newcomer's meeting (me being the newcomer), they went around the circle reading some introductions for the newcomer from the white book.

Then they went around the room and each person shared 2 minutes of ESH (Experience, strength and hope) with the newcomer (still me). There is no cross-talking - meaning no one can reply to what someone else shares - everyone just listens.

Afterwards I exchanged numbers with a lot of guys.

Overall, it was a great experience and I hope to go back soon!

hechochma wrote on 07 Apr 2025 15:04:

Why does it take SA to get you back on GYE? 

I guess it was obvious to you GYE wasn't working, but do you think SA will make a difference?

Did GYE ever work for you?

Does your wife know you're doing SA?

I very much appreciate this thread idea.

chosemyshem wrote on 07 Apr 2025 15:56:

Was about to ask question 1 and 3...
Question is ....

hechochma wrote on 07 Apr 2025 15:04:

Chosemyshem wrote:

Lol. It was really hard for me to be on here while I refused to put a filter on my computer because I needed porn to be a click away. I guess I could come back now that I feel like maybe there's some hope for me.


It's hard to know. My biggest fear is that I'm not good enough to succeed on GYE and not bad enough to succeed in SA. I definitely got a lot of hope from that meeting. There were quite a few other guys whose struggle is very similar to mine, that only got clean through the program. A bunch of guys (even some who are sober for years) mentioned that it took them some time to succeed but they kept coming back and eventually it worked. So, I'm hopeful - stick around and we'll find out!


Yes and no. I got 90 days once. I never felt free from porn and masturbation. I had a lot of 30 - 60 day runs. It was a lot better than pre-gye when I would masturbate 3 - 6 times a day. But in the end I just fell right off the map, as you have seen, uninstalled my filter and said I just can't do it anymore.


No. Part of the newcomer's reading from the white book is a caution against telling your wife anything until you start to get sober and even then only under very very wise counsel. For now, it's totally off the table.


Thanks!

hechochma wrote on 07 Apr 2025 15:04:

Having learned so much from you throughout every single stage of your journey (the ups, and oddly enough, all the more so on the downs), all I can say to a special, wise, empathetic and courageous friend is...

Looking forward to continuing to learn much more from The Wisdom!!

And, since @cordnoy isn't hear to say it, somebody's gotta:

Godspeed!

Is it geared for the frum community?

Where was the meeting held?

Were you worried someone would recognize you? Did it happen?

Who ran it?

What did you like the most about it?

What didn’t you like about it?

bennyh wrote on 07 Apr 2025 19:31:

It was all frum guys.


Random building, entrance from the back. (Not a church)


Petrified that one of my talmidim would be there... I knew one guy from elementary school, but that was pretty much it.


Apparently, they vote one of the guys in every so often. I actually knew the guy running it. "Running" the meeting is really just the guy who gets everything started according to protocol and keeps things moving, they don't really affect the content, style or structure of the meeting.


No crosstalk. All honesty, vulnerability, humility and acceptance. Man, that sounds so brainwashed... Sorry... But seriously. You just get the vibe everybody showed up because they feel they need to be there. Outside the room there was leftover shaloch manos and the oilam was munching away during the meeting. Just chilled, open, safe space.


Honestly, going was just a good experience.

Most of my reservations are fears about if I get a sponsor what will he tell me I need to do to get sober etc. It was definitely hard to disappear for an hour meeting to a place that's a half hour from my house. I'm concerned about how I will pull that off regularly, although some plans are forming in my mind.