Since ר"ח אדר, when my קבלה expired, I feel like a kid that was restricted from his pacifier who's finally getting it back. That intoxicating feeling of freedom to do what I restricted myself from doing until now. Like the first day of בין הזמנים‚ which is usually my worst שמירת העניים wise. Usually it takes a day or two until I find the balance of feeling the freedom in healthy way. I hope to rebound from the little indulgences that I allowed my self to enjoy yesterday, and I have to drive it in my thick skull, that just because something isn't considered a fall by GYE standards, it's still not okay. It's not okay to go on a site for recreation, even if I have no intention of clicking on something questionable, if I know there will be questionable images that I can see out the corner of my eyes. When will I ever have the feeling of living with purpose, where I don't have the need to look for all these שטותים? When?

amevakesh wrote on 03 Mar 2025 14:43:

Perhaps instead of making temporary kabbolas that expire. Try making permanent kabbolas that are sustainable with the goal of increasing the level of the kabbala after a given amount of success.  

In the mir we always say that the most important thing is to be a מבקש! keep it up, and continue climbing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!