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just sharing some things which help me
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If you've made progress - thank G-d, double your merit by inspiring others as well! Post the tips and advice that worked best for you in your journey to sobriety or tell us about recommendations you heard from others that work.
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TOPIC: just sharing some things which help me 917 Views

just sharing some things which help me 17 Nov 2019 08:33 #345176

  • 2restart
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Hi,
I'm not speaking from a place of "being clean" for a significant amount of time or so, just want to share what I noticed does help, and what, in my own experience tends to bring me down...

1. what helps is being out there, in real life, talking to people, and in general being active, doing things.
2. very important to go to shul every day, even, and especially, after a yeridah.
3. make sure to learn torah, and especially chassidus every day.

what generally brings me down is,
1. Loneliness at home, when wife and family are sleeping and Im not tired...
go on computer, and after a while... you know..
for me, it's sometimes better to be in shul late then come home and potentially waste my time and get to these things chas vshalom

2. when I'm really excited, and on a high, for good reasons, but don't know how or where to channel that energy... unfortunately it many times brings to this.... oh well.
3. emptyness. if I haven't studied Torah that day at all, or not davened maariv yet....

also helps to have an active day by day and in general to be productive and "giving", i.e. not just reading or keeping to yourself but talking with people, and accomplishing things.

and ALWAYS ALWAYS get right back on track, keep davening, learning, aderabe, that is what helps you get back on track.

i wish I had advice on how to stay clean long term, but sadly can't say that yet...

but there is always hope, and as hard as it is, the fact that were still alive means H' is giving us another chance, and is waiting for us.

Re: just sharing some things which help me 17 Nov 2019 14:01 #345180

  • ColinColin
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Very helpful, I agree.

Keeping busy so important.
Also reads to me a if you get highs and lows, so your personality may be mildly manic depressive?

In which case, routine helps to focus you.
And not being tired helps also, getting proper exercise and sleep.
But not obsessing over either...life is life..and there are days where we d not get to do much exercise (might fit in a few push ups?) or get less sleep than we want.

Also, if alone, then daven personal prayer...and have a lost of books to read.
Perhaps even write notes abut the books, so that it becomes a focus activity rather than something you can drift from and go on the computer and then aimlessly wander.

The advice for being clean long term is the same as being clean for one day....take things day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute if need be.
Focus on that moment.  
Last Edit: 17 Nov 2019 14:06 by ColinColin.

Re: just sharing some things which help me 17 Nov 2019 14:09 #345182

  • Markz
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Welcome 2!

I share many things you mentioned in your 3 posts.
And yes it’s possible here on GYE to get a Sobriety Date and be totally clean thereafter with zero falls for many months / years, and lots of fulfilled days and still be happy :-)
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Re: just sharing some things which help me 17 Nov 2019 18:43 #345191

  • ruv
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to me keeping busy in the house and reading books is very helpful plus doing daily exercise  
on the way to be a ruv

Re: just sharing some things which help me 18 Nov 2019 18:09 #345213

  • Mark18
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I really appreciate this forum and the opportunity to speak openly with guys who really understand my struggle. I really need to share this. I am clean for three weeks but the desire to masturbate is very often overwhelming. Frankly I would give in big time and probably go on a major binge. To tell the truth it is not the aveira itself thats stopping me but the fear of onesh and the fact that if I give in it will really distance me from my relationship with Hashem. I'm certainly not a tzadik or perhaps have the closest relationship with Hashem but I truly believe from the depths of my heart and soul that Hashem is my father. I find myself going to shul late at night when I'm sure I'm absolutely alone and talk to my Father openly without embarrassment and really cry and pour out my heart and soul to Him about everything in my life and my struggles with Shmiras Eynaim and masturbation. If I give in I know it will really distance me from him and it will take a long time and a lot of crying to get back to where I was in my closeness to my Father and I don't want to risk that happening like it did the last time I fell three weeks ago where I not only felt horrible, devestated and guilty but also knew that my relationship with my Father was damaged. The only thing is that those two things are the only things that stop me from masturbating but not the fact that it is an aveira itself. So I really feel lacking in my Yiras Shomayim because of this. Does anyone have any insights or thoughts on this. I would really appreciate my brothers here to share their experiences and feelings with me. I'm sorry this post has been so long but I had a lot to say from my heart. Thanks for listening.

Re: just sharing some things which help me 18 Nov 2019 20:25 #345215

  • Dave M
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Mark18 wrote on 18 Nov 2019 18:09:
I really appreciate this forum and the opportunity to speak openly with guys who really understand my struggle. I really need to share this. I am clean for three weeks but the desire to masturbate is very often overwhelming. Frankly I would give in big time and probably go on a major binge. To tell the truth it is not the aveira itself thats stopping me but the fear of onesh and the fact that if I give in it will really distance me from my relationship with Hashem. I'm certainly not a tzadik or perhaps have the closest relationship with Hashem but I truly believe from the depths of my heart and soul that Hashem is my father. I find myself going to shul late at night when I'm sure I'm absolutely alone and talk to my Father openly without embarrassment and really cry and pour out my heart and soul to Him about everything in my life and my struggles with Shmiras Eynaim and masturbation. If I give in I know it will really distance me from him and it will take a long time and a lot of crying to get back to where I was in my closeness to my Father and I don't want to risk that happening like it did the last time I fell three weeks ago where I not only felt horrible, devestated and guilty but also knew that my relationship with my Father was damaged. The only thing is that those two things are the only things that stop me from masturbating but not the fact that it is an aveira itself. So I really feel lacking in my Yiras Shomayim because of this. Does anyone have any insights or thoughts on this. I would really appreciate my brothers here to share their experiences and feelings with me. I'm sorry this post has been so long but I had a lot to say from my heart. Thanks for listening.

Mark18, I once heard from a rebbe of mine, that nowadays most of us don't believe in hell.  The motivation for staying clean in inyanim kedusha is our relationship with Hashem.  As you stated so beautifully, when we sin in this area, we feel distance from Hashem our Father.  Continue to stay active on the GYE forum and I"H you will break free. 

Re: just sharing some things which help me 18 Nov 2019 21:51 #345216

  • ColinColin
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Mark18

You do have Yiras Shamayim.

You prove that by being on this forum.

But if we fall, it is as Chazal said - when one does an aveira it is a moment of temporary insanity.

Often for us on this forum, we fall because we are emotionally upset. We feel so much pain that we need to blot it out...and we do this by masturbating.

Of course, this is just a temprary fix which leads ot even more pain.

We have to isolate thta pain, deal with the causes, and also find a healty way to be when we feel the pain.

If you can recognise the urge to masturbate, then divert yourself into something positive - helping others, reading, exercising, phoning a friend, studying etc.

And find out what causes that pain.

Re: just sharing some things which help me 20 Nov 2019 02:17 #345240

  • 2restart
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Hi.
I want to share that I've been having a strong teiva and almost gave in by starting to search, but then caught myself and as hard as it is, told myself it's not worth it. Everythinf that will follow.... It's just not worth.

I gues I'm gonna have to find some better outlet. And be mashpia in a positive full sense.

One the one hand this may be a small celebration, but, I also feel like I fell alittle.

Thought if I share here maybe it will help me keep Strong.

Thank you all

Re: just sharing some things which help me 20 Nov 2019 13:59 #345254

  • Dave M
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2restart wrote on 20 Nov 2019 02:17:
Hi.
I want to share that I've been having a strong teiva and almost gave in by starting to search, but then caught myself and as hard as it is, told myself it's not worth it. Everythinf that will follow.... It's just not worth.

I gues I'm gonna have to find some better outlet. And be mashpia in a positive full sense.

One the one hand this may be a small celebration, but, I also feel like I fell alittle.

Thought if I share here maybe it will help me keep Strong.

Thank you all

Thanks for sharing that with us.  I know that feeling, however, as an objective reader, that is a big win.  Give yourself a pat on your back.  Keep posting.
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