What a great vort! What a great Rebbi!!

proudyungerman wrote on 05 Jun 2025 13:45:

Waiting to hear the next shlav...

BTW, I found the vort your rebbe said, in Shvivei Lev, in the back of the Lev Eliyahu chelek 1, ois קי

Over the last little while a few different things happened that awakened old tendencies inside of me. I started becomin' much less comfortable with myself then I have been in a (relatively) long time, and I started feeling the pressures from old comin' back.
That's not a good a good place to be headin', although I am not worried about it headin' there right now.

It was botherin' me a bit and I have spent some time thinkin' about it. 
One nice thing was the realization that I am ok with not bein' ok with myself - because it will pass, bez"H with time and work.

Glad I have this space here to say this.

proudyungerman wrote on 11 Jun 2025 18:56:

This is a powerful post and I have what to learn from you, friend. 

Here’s a warm hand, and an admiring hug, all the way to Burma! 

I just want to accentuate the words highlighted above. So many of our struggles are rooted in the fact that we are not comfortable with ourselves, so many times.

And unfortunately we have habituated ourselves in the past to seek escape/ comfort/ numbing/ reprieve/ respite/ succor/ etc from sweet, smutty garbage…
But when we are blessed to realize what’s going on, (and when we come to feel how the stuff doesn’t fill the aching in our hearts and souls anyways), and when and if we can learn how to face the inevitable ups and downs in our own selves with fortitude and faith, and a little compassion, the world is a brighter place. 

Thanks for being a bright spot! 

I am,

משומרים לבוקר, איש החפץ חיים

Day 529

My שמירת עינים has been all over the place recently. I need to find a way to get it back under control. The double whammy of the summer attire (or lack thereof...) and me feelin' very stressed and unsettled hasn't been the best combo for me. (That's besides losing my second seder chavrusa...) (there may be one other factor over here that is havin' an impact but I'm not totally sure...)

I feel like I need a good chazara of the basic ideas of what intimacy is and isn't and that women are not sex toys and shouldn't be viewed or enjoyed, rather treated with the respect of anther human being.

Even when they dress in ways that may seem to indicate otherwise, generally they are not interested in being viewed as pieces of flesh who are simply here to look at to my hearts desire.

I should think about (and verbalize to myself?) these ideas every day for the next week or so...

(It always helps me to type these things out, thanks for listening!!)

proudyungerman wrote on 30 Jun 2025 02:58:

IMHO I think it's that other factor that is havin' the impact...
Just one persons opinion..., maybe the dark Lord will have a better explanation, who knows 

This thread may be of some help. Incl a Tefillah from BenHashemBH.
Keep strong!! We're in this together!!

You might like to see the title of today's Vayimaen message from R' Shimon Gruen
https://www.torahanytime.com/lectures/378875

BenHashemBH wrote on 02 Jul 2025 12:39:

Day 542
I watch the Vayimaen videos every night (with my wife...) and when I saw the title in my email, my heart fluttered a little...
(Thanks for referral!)

Watchin' it hit me like a ton of bricks.
This was really a tremendous part of my struggle. It is something that i still struggle with today. Tryin' to really internalize that I am really doin' well and even if/when I am not at peak performance, what I am accomplishing has actual value is not easy for me. 

This past little tekufa has been challenging for me, and one of the big ones for me was this aspect. I was not operating at anywhere near full capacity and it wasn't feelin' particularly good.
Gotta buckle down and do some serious introspection. (BH, I did some, and it was very helpful. I hope to continue to do more...)

Day 552

My recent struggles with shemiras einayim have been tough. But, BH, I have made much progress and I am in a much better place.
I want to share the two things that were very helpful for me.

1. I started a weekly check in with a close GYE chaver to talk about our continous struggles. BH I am still very much alive, and as such, am still very much struggling. The area of struggle is light years away from where it was 552 days ago but it is still a challenge. So we decided to check in once a week and be completely open and honest with each other about our struggles, successes, failures, and stresses from the week.
It is so refreshing!

2. I recently had an argument with myself. I was feeling very unsettled about my struggles and I felt like I was teetering at the edge of the cliff. It could take only a small breeze and I'd be toast. And I was scared that once I was going to be toast, boy was I goin' to burn that toast and good. As I was stewing in that thought process I was also wondering how I can address it. At some point it hit me that I should challenge the original assumption. Who said I am teetering on the edge? Why do I have to feel like a little breeze will knock me over? If anything, I am working on this for over a year and a half (with tremendous siyatta dishmaya!) and i am nowhere near falling off the cliff! I got this! This made a lot of sense to me and I proceeded to dismantle yet another trick of the YH, and BH I am much more confident than I was just a few days ago.

As this thought hit me it really clicked. For many years I suffered, thinking deep down that I was pretty much a piece of garbage who pretends to be a proudyungerman/bochur. Here, on GYE, I discovered that I am truly a good, valuable person who has some flaws. This allowed me to be able to recognize my accomplishments for what they truly are and understand where I am actually holding and not fall prey to the YH.


(As an aside, I think that this Vayimaen video, besides for hitting me really deeply (the sincerity with which he talks really hits me...), is pshat in what HHM always says that people come to GYE to fix one part of their lives and end up changing many other parts also.)

proudyungerman wrote on 25 Jul 2025 03:46:

proudyungerman,

What a powerful reframe! That moment when you challenged your own assumption about "teetering on the edge" - that's real wisdom in action. You're absolutely right - 552 days of growth doesn't put you one breeze away from collapse. It puts you on solid ground that you've built through consistent effort and siyatta dishmaya.

Your insight about shifting from "garbage pretending to be good" to "good person with some flaws" is huge. That's not just a mindset change - that's seeing yourself through Hashem's eyes instead of the YH's distorted lens. The weekly check-ins sound like gold. There's something so powerful about having someone who gets it and creating that safe space for complete honesty.

Thanks for sharing this - your clarity about dismantling the YH's tricks is going to help a lot of people here recognize those same false narratives in their own heads. Keep building on that solid foundation you've created. You got this!