I’m new to gye having been motivated to try to improve in this area. Today I read in a sefer that being motzi zera causes you to lose your shiduch unless you do tikunim. I’ve searched this site and haven’t seen any discussion of tikunim. The only thing I know of is fasting during shovevim. I once heard that learning biyun is a tikun. Perhaps someone who has researched this can enlighten me. 

yeshivabachur111 wrote on 26 Mar 2025 01:17:

Shalom Brother,

I don't know about how literally to take what motzei zera may cause, but if you are looking for a tikkun, sefer Tanya brings saying Kerias Shema Al Hamita with kavana (and teshuva).

I'd recommend discussing these things with a Rav before making your own conclusions on how these things actually may apply.

Kol Tov and Hatzlacha 

yeshivabachur111 wrote on 26 Mar 2025 01:17:

It’s quoted from the Zohar that there is no tikun for it. On the other hand others say that davening and zedaka cab help. Mostprobably the best approach is to think positive and focus forward. This is something we all struggle with and we can only try to improve. Focusing on the past is counter productive.

Correcting past behaviors, meaning changing the way we act in the future, is teshuva, that's tikkunim, and that's where you should focus
As far as the zohar, many, many sefarim bring down that through learning Torah one can do complete teshuva even on the aveirah of masturbating. 

Wishing you much Hatzlacha in finding the right one, easily!

yeshivabachur111 wrote on 26 Mar 2025 01:17:

Shalom, my friend!
Methinks that the mere thought of "tikkunim" etc. is appropriate only after one has this issue somewhat under some slight modicum of control/healing/recovery. Before that, it's either another useless (in terms of any sort of lma'asidika accomplishment - I imagine the subject is mechayiv birchas haTorah...) philosophy session, or another source of anxiety, which may cause more porn and masturbation.
One doesn't expend effort to heal a drowning man's leg cramp, though that is certainly the cause of his drowning; first he's gotta be safely above water, at the very least, no?
With that expressed, it's kedai to point out that the fact that you're even lurking here to try to see what tools you can utilize to help yourself with these issues, has in of itself  great cosmic significance in terms of the general subject of "tikkunim" and its ancillaries. 
Concentrate on conquering this issue; when  "tikkunim" will be on the menu, you'll be the envy of every guy here...
Hatzlocha to you!!!

yitzy148 wrote on 26 Mar 2025 05:31:

Yashsr koach for your response, but I am left confounded and confused. When I set out on this journey and read some threads, it became clear that this will take time and may in fact be a lifetime endeavor. As in becoming a Ben tora and talmud Chacham, it’s ongoing. But that does not preclude any attempt at doing necessary tikunim for all the stuff I’ve done since puberty. If this can affect shiduchim, it is most prudent to engage in the tikun process asap. Presumsbly it’s something that would entail some time, though the exact duration is unknown to me. The earlier I engage the better, as I will be starting shiduchim. The suggestions by Eerie and Ben Hashem and seeking kedusha are encouraging and things that I can do now. If there are other suggestions that would be helpful, as I’ve heard about that zohar. Unfortunately I’ve done a lot over the years, and the earlier I engage the better. 

    People here have gotten married while still struggling with this nisoyon. I think that as mentioned before, the teshuva of us trying to drag ourselves out is a tikun enough.
    Either way what about all the people that are still struggling, aren't here, and have gotten married?
    Something that porn and masturbation will definitely do, is make it way harder and actually impossible to connect on a deep level with someone, this may in fact be very problematic with a shidduch and also after marriage.
    
Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

Many rabbonim, roshei yeshiva etc have shared their view about this. Although any aveira "stains" our neshama and needs cleansing, there is a proper place and time for that. As mentioned, Hashem wants right now for you to focus in a healthy way on minimizing and stopping these behaviors and actions. That is for now the greatest tikkun. When you will iyh be clean from all of this and in a good place emotionally, some advise quite minor "tikkunim" to clean away any residual stain. Others are of the opinion that being that most fellows began these actions without any healthy education about these issurim, yet live in a generation of over exposure to highly stimulating material, they are b'geder onais. They simply had no tools to help them be bocher b'tov. (This is a lengthy discussion....)  There is not a Gadol B'Yisroel in this generation that would tell you that you will not be zoche to your bashert because of this "onais matzav". These maamarei Chazal are referring to people at older ages who had clarity about the chet, were not living in a degenerate generation surrounded with toxic arousing material, and despite that decided to start engaging in these acts. I hate to say this - but if that Chazal would be referring to us, we could assume that a majority of marriages today are to the wrong people.



It is impoartant to state that every ma'amar Chazal is emes - but you need Gedolei Yisroel to be peirush Rashi on them.

I'd like to add that perhaps doing a small tikkun that isn't obsessive, doesn't stress you out, and makes you feel better and healthier to work on these behaviors may be beneficial in that sense. 

You should quickly feel able to move onward and upward after doing it, not like it wasn't enough. Don't think of it like a mathematical equation to fix something that broke, but rather an apology to facilitate connection with Hashem.

Kol Tov

A person came to the steipler struggling in many areas of Yiddeshkite.
The Steipler ZTL asked if he ever wins over the YH. He said yes. Occasionally.
The Steipler responded: You are fine. Just keep going.

If you ever withhold. even if many times you fall, you are doing a tikkun. Just keep going and you will be'H MORE AND MORE SUCCESFULL!!!

Rabbi Moshe Weinberger of Woodmere has an entire series on this Topic called Chaburas Yosef Hatzadik now up to Episode #224
Start listening you'll be enlightened

struggler33 wrote on 26 Mar 2025 14:45:

Big fan. I'm generally leery of people talking about "yesod" or generally treating this sickness as a kabbalastic concept. Just my personal preference. I prefer to think of it as a sickness with a cure, instead of an aveirah with a tikun. I personally make more progress that way. Or to put it another way. "Teshuva" got me clean from Rosh Hashana until two days after Yom Kippur for probably 10-15 years. Honesty, connection, and focused work got me clean for months and months (with loads of siyatta dishmaya of course).

But Chaburas Yosef Hatzadik is fantastic. Very down to earth and realistic.

struggler33 wrote on 26 Mar 2025 14:45:

I listened to some of his shiurim in the past. He speaks very strongly about the issue but I didn’t hear him discuss any tikunim. Also, I would get depressed because I had no control. With  support from Gye and a madrich I’m trying to turn things around 

The steipler writes-
עוד עיקר גדול שלא להיות עצב ולא לחשוב אודות העבר כלל עד אחר נשואיןשאז יש ליתן לב לתקן העבר

Lle"yeshivabachur111" post=433456 date=1742951866 catid=19



There are a lot of wonderful discussions that went on in this thread, and there's a lot to learn. I just wanted to help with a specific part of this, again not to take away from any of the other great discussions and suggestions. The question is based on an understanding based on kabbalistic sources that: 1) There is no teshuva for hotzaas zerah levatalah. That's what the kabbalistic original sources say. But later sources (kabbalistic, or maybe even contemporary) are suggesting that there's a way to sneak past that problem by doing tikkunim that somehow create a secret way to atone even though it should not be possible. 2) This sin causes one to lose his zivug.
In response to these two points, we must know that most of the poskim throughout the generations paskened that when there is an argument head-on between the zohar and gemara, or between rishonim and mekubalim, the halacha follows the gemara and rishonim and poskim, not the zohar and the mekubalim. (For example, see biur halacha siman 34:2.) And the gemara and rishonim are clear that THERE IS NO SIN THAT TESHUVA DOESN'T WORK FOR (for example, see Rambam Hilchos Teshuva 3:14). So teshuva does work, even without tikkunim. Of course, it's wonderful to add tikkunim (though probably better to wait till you're clean for at least a bit).
2) The gemara is very clear in many places including Moed Kotton 18b that a person's zivug is not based on his merits or sins, but is predetermined. This is a long complicated subject (and there's an argument what happens if one davens to marry someone else, though all agree that's not recommended), but that's the conclusion. So don't worry from that end. Do what you can to improve, and take the wonderful suggestions in this thread and elsewhere, but definitely don't feel doomed.
(I'll add in more precise sources later when I get a chance.)